Pro-choice, Man Advocate, or Feminist?


Azadeh Azmoudeh
by Azadeh Azmoudeh

I was watching T.V. the other day. The story was about a young man who was “victimized” to support the child, whom he unwillingly brought to this world. He was in and out of several courts and in all he was ordered to pay the child support. While I was watching, my feminist blood was boiling, then I listened a little more and heard his whole story, that was when I came to this realization that he was not that “guilty” at all!!! The story was as such:

The unmarried couple had consensual sex, with the female knowledge of the male partner’s not desiring a baby at no circumstances, he told her so many times previously. He was a student, and had other goals in his mind. The woman; however, went on her own, carried the child to its full term, and gave birth to the child who was not welcome by the biological father! She has been pulling him to different courts for two years, and according to this guy, the court ordered to pay the child support.

There are facts to be considered: A child has been brought up to this world. A woman made a choice to do so, knowing that the man did not wan to be in the picture. However, the man is penalized for his unwillingness to have a baby and thereafter to support one! What is the difference between him and a sperm donor? Of course, I was not being able to hear the woman (she rejected being on T.V. because they rejected her request of paying her for $5,000.00 to show up in the program!!!) That explained a little bit about that woman to me. All I heard from her side was what a child advocate was supporting the child not her!

I believe that the dilemma is the child right now, and someone should take care of him/her. But don’t you think laws can be sometimes screwed up to drag you and force you to pay for something you did not agree to begin with? Didn’t she have the choice to abort the baby? Wasn’t it her choice to knowingly bringing a child in this world? Should you get an agreement, or a consent form signed before going to bed with someone?


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disagree- to a point

by erinerin0 (not verified) on

She sounds like a selfish idiot. But I think it would be interesting to see what form of contraception they were using. As a man who did not want a child it is partly his responsibilty to make sure they do not have one.


Reality check

by Anonymous Grandpa (not verified) on

The reality is if the father doesn't pay in most cases the State has to pay in the form of welfare. That's why in resent years there has been an increase in prosecution of deadbeat dads in many states. About seven years ago a devout Catholic colleague of mine was summoned to pay child support in a case involving a child in another county. It was alleged that while he was going to a university in that county he had fathered a child. How the district attorney had pin pointed him was because of his last name, which was a common Hispanic name, and the date he attended that school. Since he was a very religious man, and eventually became a priest, he assured me repeatedly that he was not the father of that child and he consequently proved that to the court.

"...don’t you think laws can be sometimes screwed up to drag you and force you to pay for something you did not agree to begin with?"
The way the family laws are written in most states they are not skewed in benefiting a specific gender, i.e. it is not written to the benefit women, however in reality it turns out that most of the time women are the "winners" in the war attrition in divorce cases. For example in this case the father did not want the child to begin with, that was his first mistake. The court, i.e. the law of the land, looks at him as a parent unwilling to take care of his child. On the other hand the mother has been the primary parent of that child from day one; the court gives the custody of the child to the mother, i.e. the primary parent. Then the next step to take care of that child is to support the child financially, and again since the primary parent in this case is the woman, which is not specified by gender by the law, but in this case and in almost all cases turn out to be a woman, the other parent, in this case the father, is ordered to pay child support.

So then men in most divorce cases involving children and spousal support are forced to work and give a big chunk of their money to women who do not work, or cannot work. In many cases, such as this young father, working one job is not enough to pay child and spousal support and at the same time provide for their own life, so they are forced to take a second job, which does not leave them any other time for other activities such as organizing themselves to change laws to become more fair to fathers, such as changing visitation rights for fathers. Meanwhile the mothers, who don't work form support groups, organize trainings, provide legal assistance, and help each other in finding housing and accommodations. Men end up working while women end up collecting checks in the name of the children and making a living that way.

Now, it was never the intent of the law to make servants out of men, and welfare recipient out of women, but these are the unintended consequences of family laws. Some vindictive women engage themselves in war of attrition, in most cases if a woman is not capable of paying for a lawyer, because she was the primary care giver to the children so she could not hold a job, the father has to pay for her lawyer too. So, they engage themselves in wars of attrition because the more custody they get the more money they make out of the men, and more misery they bring to the men.

So before chastising me, please do me a favor and go and sit in one these family courts for a day or two, or a week if you have time, and see for yourself how so many men break in tears because their children are taken away from them and given to unfit mothers, some of them involved with drugs, some of them having sex with their boyfriends while the children are present in their home, and so on..., and see for yourself how men complain to the judges that this is not fair, and the judges will tell them that their judgment is based on what the legislation (law) has dictated to them to do, and how this is for the benefit of the children.

Please forgive me for my digression.

American Wife

interesting article

by American Wife on

One from which people will draw many different conclusions.  I sure wish you didn't use the words, feminist, pro-choice, or man advocate!!!! Girlfriend... don't you know that when you use incendiary words like that that you're just inviting a whole world of shit upon yourself...:-)  I shiver just thinking about the narrow minded men who are going to start in on your feminist

My feelings... getting pregnant is a two way street.  If he was adamant about NOT getting pregnant, it was his responsibility to provide protection.  If he chose NOT to do so, then he participated in the act knowing full well the consequences. Who's to say that he didn't tell her he DID want a child and then for whatever reason, changed his mind? 

It doesn't really matter what kind of woman she is.  There is a child involved.  He was 50% responsible for it's conception and will be 50% responsible for it's financial support.

Kinda like the kid who wants an ice cream cone SO BAD he will promise anything to get it... then once he's got it, he doesn't want it anymore.

This is why I believe in sex education and the promotion of birth control so much.  It's hard to think of the mind set of the conservative right when they protest sex education in school and ready availability of birth control.  13 and 14 year old kids are getting pregnant!!!!!!!!!   All because their church-going, moose-hunting mom's are busy spending 150K on clothes. 

Sorry, I know that was an irrelevant jab at Palin, but I couldn't resist, considering the cooincidence of her underage child being 

Beware the media... you have no idea what the true story is!!!! 

bajenaghe naghi

azadeh jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

half of me agrees with you and i am not going to tell you which half.

Lookig at this from the point of view of the adults, i must say she is a real piece of work and needs a good kick in the but, and he also need a good kick in you know where (so next time he will be more careful). He should have taken steps from getting the woman pregnent. period. but she does not deserve a penny from him.

looking at the problem from the baby's and the socienty's point of view, he is the father and no matter how stupid he was, he better cough up the monthly expenses for the child. he is totally responsible as far as i can see. making baby is not a contract and no one needs to sign anything and when he slept with the woman he did not do so under the assumption that he was only a doner. so pay up buddy or else!