Misogynist and Orientalist on a date

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Esther
by Esther
22-Nov-2009
 

The following is an e-mail sent to Setareh (QoDs), which she would like to share for the benefit of anyone overly fond of former i.com contributor Hajiagha, Canada, battles of the sexes and cultures, and/or wars of the words and videos.  Any additional Hajiagha "translations" may be found in Hajiagha's Dictionary.

Dear Setareh (QoDs),

I read with interest your Hajiagha thesis.  You mentioned you were considering reviewing Anonymouse's "Hajiagha vs. feminists" debate.  I know it's very long, and you have only been around a short time.  I was around back then (you may wish to also review my much longer thesis, "More than Reading 'Hajiagha vs. feminists' in Vancouver").  In fact, I was the reason Hajiagha never met Khanumhana, whom Anonymouse was trying to set him up with.  This is the story.

On a break from iranianpersonals.com, I came across Hajiagha's ad on Craigslist and traced him to iranian.com.  Like Khanumhana, I was a single, straight, 30-ish, overeducated, financially self-sufficient, moderately attractive, moderately liberated female whose pet peeves included pet names and cell phones.  However, whereas Khanumhana was an Iranian not in Vancouver who did not cook, I was a non-Iranian in Vancouver who did cook.  Furthermore, as Hajiagha said, "Only rich women apply please blond hair blue eyes," and as Meat Loaf said, "Two out of three ain't bad."  I decided to e-mail Hajiagha.

H: "Who's you are in others side of this page?"
J: Me's, myself's, and mine – why else would I e-mail you?
H: Are you Iranian?
J: Na Irooni na Irene.
H: Why are you speaking Farsi?  What's your name? Are you feminist?
J: My name is Jenny.  Just please don't call me Jenny jeegar or Jenny juju.
H: Can I call you Jenny jaan?
J: No Jenny jaan, no Jaan-e-Mann, no Bijan, no Manijeh!
H: Are you lesbian?
J: No, I'm an Orientalist.
H: What's Orientalist?
J: It's a long explanation.  What are you doing today?
H: "To date" Anonymouse says we should go to Starbucks.
J (sucks to Starbucks!): Okay, which one?
H: The one at Robson & Thurlow.  The one that is not gay.
[Ed.: There are two Starbucks at Robson & Thurlow, one of which is sometimes referred to as the "gay" one.]

(At Starbucks)

H: I must warn you "I am not kind man spending money on women."
J: I must warn you I'm an independent woman.  But I hope you are a kind man in other ways, like turning off your cell-y when you're not feeling lonely.  
H: I am often feeling lonely.  "I just discovery the place I live is my problem, Victoria."
J: Okay, then, let's skip the Vancouver- and Canada-bashing.
H: Anonymouse says we should talk about modernity and equality.  But you said you would tell me what's Orientalist?
J: Do you know Edward Said?  "Reading Lolita in Tehran"?
H: Yes, I know Lolita.  "Spanish women … one of the best and friendly women I ever meet."  In Canada, "girls young as 13 years … ."
J: I don't think we're talking about exactly the same Lolita.  In fact, I don't think we should be talking about Lolita at all.
H: So what's Orientalist?  
J: Oh, I can explain in Farsi.  Sharqzadegi!
[Ed.: Orientalists get very excited about words in other languages, even if they don't know many of them, and even if the ones they do know are their made-up versions of a made-up word describing another culture's obsession with their own.]
H: You have sharqzadegi, before I had gharbzadegi.  Sucks to gharbzadegi!  That's why I came to stupid Canada.  Why don't you go to stupid East?
J: Near East, Far East, Tehrancouver, Hongcouver, why would I go anywhere?
H: Are you sefr kilometry (0 km = virgin)?  "Stupid regime is same every where, Canada or Iran."  I should have gone to China.
J: Why?
H: "China going to became supper power country."  They have "lots of the chicken and meet."  They even have chelo kebab.  China has "supper power" and chelo kebab, Canada has only "supper woman … thinking they are espical.  I don't know why women should have supper power in Canada."
J: Do you like to cook?  I also like to cook.  You could make chelo kebab, and I could make "espical" (aspic?  pickle?  whatever).  [Ed.: "espical" = special.]  Do you like to wash dishes?  You could wash all the dishes.
H: "What kind [equality] is in Canada?!?"
J: Two out of three ain't bad!  I could also make meat loaf.  Or, if you really want Chinese, we could go to Richmond.  There is lots of Chinese in Richmond.
H: Chinese rich man?  I should be rich man ... are you gold digger?  But Canada is "run buy the white Canadian."  Did Chinese "run buy the white Canadian?"  Or did they dig gold?
J: I was talking about Chinese food.  But I might as well have been talking Chinese.  Zanmen jiang zhongwen ba (let's talk Chinese).
H: Why are you speaking Chinese?  "If you know any [Chinese rich woman] like to date and married me, let me know."
J: I seem to recall a Korean.  But I think someone else got to her first.  Her name was Kimchi.
H: When will someone get to me?  "There is no women to I get some massages."  Jenny juju jeegar jaan, can you rub me the right way?  You said you are independent woman, so no price to pay, isn't it?
J: You must be dreaming of a different genie in a bottle.  I was certainly dreaming of a different Persian poetry-reading man.
H: I dream of Jenny with blond or even light brown hair.  I think bottle can make you more blond.  I think that's where I get my "barbering ideas".  I can read you Persian poetry while you are "barbering".  Rumi is "espical" for "barbering", isn't it?  [Ed.: "barbering" = barbarian.]
J: As you say, "people have right to change," whether they are misogynist, Orientalist, or homeless.  However, this Jenny isn't going to change her hair.  Maybe her number.
H: Jenny, don't change your number!
J: Okay, I'll leave it to my roommate, Roya.

The rest is more or less history.  As Hajiagha said, "I cannot draw some things to every body became happy," and as another commentator said, "We need to speak to bring love and respect to man and women [and misogynist and Orientalist] in equal."  Maybe some of us are "a cat playing with a muse."  But maybe "others have right to know who's this guy."  Zendeh baad Hajiagha!

Take care,
Jenny

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more from Esther
 
Esther

Anonymouse, you are a malicious Santa!

by Esther on

Esther is my middle name.  Fortunately or unfortunately, Esther et al. only enjoy words, not pictures.  We refuse to change our avatar, even for Hajiagha.  And we only play with words, not fire.  We can agree to leave that to the real Iranians!


Anonymouse

So how bout a new avatar? You know about queen Esther in Iran?

by Anonymouse on

Everything is sacred.


Esther

Banafsheh, Anonymouse & Monda

by Esther on

Banafsheh, non-fiction requires more research and/or self-awareness and willingness to put yourself out there than I am capable of (although I also admire many of the true writers on this site who fall into those categories).

Anonymouse, it is true that as a non-Persian mirror, I could have a lot of fun with Hajiagha.  We will see if I am up for it!

Monda, thank you for your support!  You also seem to be compiling a very good English-Pinglish dictionary for me - it has progressed a lot since sefr kilometry!  Thanks! :)


Monda

you got me curious about this fellow!

by Monda on

FUN Read Esther!


Anonymouse

Esther jaan you're right, you can't always get what you want!

by Anonymouse on

And that includes Hajiagha!  I'm not obsessed with him, I just think it is a shame he had to leave and when we were in the new format he was a bit of fresh air!  While many Iranians think and act like him not many, can't name one really, act up on it in public. 

I had ended my Hajiagha series but then as luck would have it here you come along and seem interested to continue, more importantly from a new non-Iranian perspective, so who am I to stop you?! If you continue there will be something in it not just for me but for a lot of us.  We may not all acknowledge it but we'll like it.

As for your theory about if Haji stops sucking to Canada or himself, he'll be fine and find women, I tend to disagree.  I think in real life he's tried it and has called Canada heaven on earth but to no avail! So his problem is deep rooted and it takes a woman to set him free and even that is complicated!

No sucks to Misoginists, no oh no, cause no misoginist no fun and no laugh like ti ni po ni!

Everything is sacred.


yolanda

......

by yolanda on

 Hi Esther,

      I am more of a non-fiction person....apparently Mouse has many episodes of  Hajiagha story.....I did not follow all the episodes.....so I can't comment much....your episode is very funny for sure......I can tell you racked your brain to come up with all the funny lines...

Thank you so much! 

Delaram Banafsheh (Yolanda)

"Cactus in the Desert"


Esther

Banafsheh

by Esther on

Even the misogynist said, "Spanish women … one of the best and friendly women I ever meet." :)  Did you find my version of Hajiagha offensive?  I tried to rehabilitate him into a kinder, gentler, more reflective version of himself (Anonymouse, don't laugh! ;).  Anonymouse's theory is that if Hajiagha would find a woman, he could stop sucking to Canada (and everything else).  My theory is that if Hajiagha would stop sucking to Canada, he could find a woman.  Of course, he also needs to stop sucking to himself!


yolanda

.........

by yolanda on

 Hi Esther,

    Be very honest with you, I can't stand the misogynist people....

take care!

 

Delaram Banafsheh (Yolanda)

"Cactus in the Desert"


Esther

Anonymouse & Banafsheh

by Esther on

Anonymouse, I expect all kinds of things, but we don't always get what we expect, and sometimes we get what we don't expect!  You are most generous, but as you say, nothing is free, and I suspect you are after more Hajiagha without having to write it yourself. ;)  Out of curiosity, why are you so obsessed with him?

Banafsheh, you don't need to keep calling me "Dr."!  Anonymouse won't even credit me with "great 12". :(  But yes, it is fun to be obsessed with words, or, in Anonymouse's case, Hajiagha. ;)


yolanda

......

by yolanda on

 Dr. Esther,

     Thank you for confirming my "worst fear", LOL!

I have been obsessed with words since was 15 years old, I can't help it!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Delaram Banafsheh (Yolanda)

"Cactus in the Desert"


Anonymouse

If you must expect chivalry from Hajiagha, "borrow" it from him!

by Anonymouse on

Hajiagha expects pay back when he uses his charm!  Nothing is free, especially in Canada

I am a generous Santa ;-)

Everything is sacred.


Esther

Anonymouse

by Esther on

Thanks for your advice!  You know, I only ventured into Hajiagha territory to try to get him to stop sucking to Canada, not to take i.com by storm. ;)  I don't know how Esther and her multiple personalities and Hajiagha will develop, but thank you for your support (and Chinese dictionary).  You are like a malicious Santa - I ask for a Persian poetry-reading man and you send me Hajiagha, I ask for a dictionary and you send me a Chinglish one!  You may ask for a rude and misogynistic Hajiagha, but we will have to wait and see what you get. :)


yolanda

......

by yolanda on

Mouse,

   LOOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Where did you get all this stuff? 

 

Delaram Banafsheh (Yolanda)

"Cactus in the Desert"


Anonymouse

Here's an English-Chinese dictionary maybe u can find it useful!

by Anonymouse on

English: He's cleaning his car
Chinese: Wa Shing Ka

E This is tow away zone
C No Pah King

E is there a fugitive here?
C Hu Yu Hai Ding?

E Small Horse
C Tai Ni Po Ni

E Your price is too high!!!
C No Bai Nut Ding!!!

E Did you go to the beach?
C Wai Yu So Tan?

E I bumped into a coffee table
C Ai Ban Mai Ni

E It's very dark in here
C Wai So Dim?

E Has your flight been delayed?
C Hao Long Wei Ting?

E I thought you were on a diet?
C Wai Yu Mun Ching?

E They have arrived.
C Hai Dei Kum

E Your body odor is offensive
C Yu Stin Ki Pu

E You know lyrics to the Macarena?
C Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?

E I got this for free
C Ai No Pei

E Stay out of sight.  
C Lei Lo

Everything is sacred.


Anonymouse

Esther jaan you don't need a finglish dictionary

by Anonymouse on

I think as long as you stay with your non-Iranian side you'll be fine.  Don't worry about not having enough people commenting.  More people read this website than comment and once you do a few more you'll get your audience.

Not everybody wants to be associated with Hajiagha, having established him as the chauvinist symbol of excellence it is easier for them to refer everyone and all complaints to Hajiagha.  And that is where you come in to teach more misoginism!

My first advice would be to incorporate Hajiagha into your title somehow.  His name is like a lightening rod that gathers attention.  Next don't make your blogs too long.  This one is just about right.

Third if you want to identify yourself as a new cut, I recommend getting rid of your prefab avatar and choose something else.

I don't know how often you'd like to visit the Haji character that's why I said once a week and Anahid wants more.  You had 2 episodes in a span of 3 days so I don't know.  Whatever is your tempo is fine with us.

Last but certainly not the least, in my opinion the most important, you want to be rude and misoginist.  Otherwise you don't belong in the Hajiagha's business!  Right? 

I was looking at Hajiagha's facebook this morning and a gal was insulting him because she ignored him and he kept wanting her to add him as his friend!  Now I don't know what transpired for her to ask him so rudely to leave her alone because she had "ignored" him but 2 other commentators found it funny! Perhaps it was about the word "ignore" that Haji didn't quite understand! lol

 

Everything is sacred.


Esther

Thank you!

by Esther on

Banafsheh, why do you ask questions you already know the answer to? :)

Anahid & Anonymouse, I'm glad you liked my episode, but one a week?!?  These things take time, you know!  Writing humor is hard, at least in this case.

First, I'm not Iranian, so my Persian cultural references are more limited.  Do you know a good English-Pinglish dictionary?  I had to hunt around for "Irooni", and I had to read the whole Shahnameh to make "Rumi is 'espical' for 'barbering'" work on that level!

Second, I don't want to offend anyone, at least not unintentionally (Hajiagha might not have cared, but I do).  Some people on i.com are sensitive about some things, but fortunately, so far either they haven't visited this blog, or they have taken it in the spirit in which it was intended.

Third, much "humor" relies on cheap shots at another's expense.  Other people might be different, but I feel I can only write cultural/gender-based humor on i.com if I make as much fun of myself (or versions of myself) as I do of anyone else.

That's why Hajiagha (or versions of Hajiagha) is such great material for me (Anonymouse, I can't compare our episodes as "funnier" or "not funnier", but you are right that we can do different things with him).  First, his English (or lack thereof) offers so many comic possibilities.  Second, he is a great stereotypical character, so I shouldn't offend any of the more Hajiagha-type men (although, to be honest, I think only the less Hajiagha-type men would ever even bother to visit this blog, let alone get into the comments.  What is it with the almost complete lack of male interest in Hajiagha?)  Third, it was just too funny to imagine Hajiagha, dreaming of some Playboy bunny Western woman, with a Western woman, dreaming of some Persian poetry-reading man. :)


Anonymouse

Well when you first think of it there can be years of material

by Anonymouse on

I thought one episode a week would be nice like a TV sitcom's once a week episode.  During that week you can think of the material and how to make it "juicier"! 

You can write many episodes in advance and over time edit them and post one episode a week.  But I said the more the merrier, it is up to Esther.  I don't even know if she wants to continue this but it is a subject where she can be a misoginist herself and ridicule men.  Hopefully some of our men would find something offensive and say something! lol  What do you say Esther, can you write something really offensive against men?!

Everything is sacred.


Anahid Hojjati

Esther should do only one episode a week. It sucks to Canada.

by Anahid Hojjati on

 

Dear anonymouse, in your last comment you mentioned something about Esther writing one episode a week.  That is all? It sucks to Canada.


Anonymouse

Esther jaan welcome to the world of Hajiagha!

by Anonymouse on

This was a very good episode and very funny!  I think you have the tools and talent to write more episodes!  

Before I forget there is one very commonly used saying in Hajiagha's lingo and that is "children young as 13 ..." not just girls.  Apparently Canada makes children of all ages do all sorts of crazy things! Don't ask what, just that children young as 13, occasionally 10 and sometimes 8 then back to young as 15 ... you get the picture ;-)

Your Hajiagha is using his lingo and attitude from a non-Iranian perspective which is what I couldn't do.  You see I wanted to write in English and use Haji's poor English and grammer as just his bad attitude and behavior towards an Iranian woman.  Whereas you can actually use Haji's poor English and his attitude towards a non-Iranian woman which is funnier.  Right?  I couldn't do it! I tried to explain it in the comments section of HK6.

You can invent and create poor English (using Haji's dictionary) and combine it with a puny man's horny attitude as in Night at the Roxbury and voila you have a character to build on!  One episode a week would be fine but of course the more the merrier!

Everything is sacred.


Anahid Hojjati

Very funny dear Esther. I loved it.

by Anahid Hojjati on

Esther jan thanks.  This was excellent.  You really captured spirit of Hajiagha.


yolanda

.......

by yolanda on

 Hi Dr. Esther,

 

You cracked me up! Where is your inspiration for this segment from ? 

 [Ed.: Orientalists get very excited about words in other languages, even if they don't know many of them, and even if the ones they do know are their made-up versions of a made-up word describing another culture's obsession with their own.]

Take care!

Delaram Banafsheh (Yolanda)

"Cactus in the Desert"