Faramarz
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Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places
12-Jan-2011
Teresa was a cowgirl from Texas. She is the only woman that I’ve met that knew how to milk a cow! Seriously! She showed me how to use the thumb and the forefinger to do so. She was raised on a Texas farm with lots of animals and then decided to move to the coast and see the world. I met her at a country-western club when dancing the two-step became trendy. It was John Travolta’s movie “Urban Cowboy” that made wearing cowboy boots and jeans hip. I had heard that the place was crawling with women looking for fun! So I put my jeans and boots on and went there.
My Iranian buddies and I shied away from the hick and the red-neck places after the hostage crisis and the Khomeini nonsense. We figured who needs it. We didn’t want to explain ourselves or get into a fight with a bunch of ignorant people. It just wasn’t worth it.
Teresa and I exchanged a few glances in the noisy club and then I went over to say hi. She was a beautiful blonde with a medium build and green eyes. I didn’t know how to do the two-step so I didn’t ask her to dance. But she wanted to dance and told me that she would show me. I got on the dance floor and did almost everything wrong! But she just laughed and didn’t mind!
“Where are you from?” She asked.
“I’m from ee-run!”
“Where? New York?”
“Well, to the east of New York! Ee-run, you know, where they had the hostages!”
“What hostages?” She seemed completely unaware of the politics of the 80’s. And I didn’t want to propagate the ignorance of the general public by telling her that I was from I-ran.
We quickly became an item and started dating. Her complete lack of knowledge about the geography and the politics was such a breath of fresh air! What she lacked in the classroom, she more than made up in the bedroom! Making love to her was like riding a wild horse! The excitement was a mix of adventure and the fear of getting hurt! She would constantly want to roll and ride the saddle like a cowgirl! At times, it felt like a wrestling match in bed with a worthy opponent!
She had a temper though! And she didn’t like my Iranian friends, especially the girls! She was jealous of them! She knew that she could stand her own, being from Texas, against other American women, but she couldn’t figure out the Iranian women, with their fancy clothes and the exotic looks!
I took her to Cabo for a weekend. I was looking at the blue water and daydreaming when she went to the bar to get a couple of Margaritas. She came back with the drinks and a Greek couple. “I met this couple at the bar. They are Greek. You guys speak Greek, right?” To her anyone from the other side of the world spoke the same language! The couple said something in Greek. The only Greek that I knew was alpha, beta, epsilon from the math courses. But I decided to play along! So I replied in Farsi. They said a few more things in Greek and I replied in Farsi! Then, they left. She asked me what they said. “They were from a remote part of Greece. They had a strange accent!”
Once we were at her apartment and the bell rang and rang. She was in the bed and didn’t want to get up, but the bell kept ringing. She put her robe on and went to see who was at the door. I heard a big noise! I put my pants on and went to the front door. It was the mailman. He was on the ground with his bag of letters and things scattered all around him! I helped the guy up and gave him his glasses. Apparently, he had rung her place by mistake, trying to deliver a package. She got mad, screamed at him and pushed him to the ground!
After about three months or so, I knew that the relationship had run its natural course and it was the right time to end it, but I didn’t know how to do it. I just had to wait for the right moment. She wouldn’t have accepted my explanations. She would have asked, “Is there another woman? One of your Iranian friends?” And then she would have thrown the pots and pans at me! Believe it or not, I was afraid of her! So I just waited until she told me that she was moving back to Texas and asked me if I wanted to go with her. I told her that I was going back to Iran to see my parents and Iran was not a safe place for an American. She understood that.
I helped her put all her stuff in her truck and promised her that if I ever came back to the US I would call her or write to her at her parents’ farm. She drove away. I changed my telephone number a week later.
Looking for Love by Johnny Lee
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Loved this one!
by G. Rahmanian on Thu Jan 13, 2011 04:11 PM PSTGot here late, but loved the story. I prefer the "dumb" ones. They never try to prove you wrong. I still wear my cowboy boots after all these years. I bought a pair of designer boots made in Itay(!), last year. They're so nice I only put them on inside, not to soil them.
Esfand jaan: I a sure he does...
by Bavafa on Thu Jan 13, 2011 01:08 PM PSTHe has a vast knowledge and experience in these area of life
However, the common belief is that the sound of zipper will scare them off.
Mehrdad
Rea, My Motives are Purely Scientific and Historical
by Faramarz on Thu Jan 13, 2011 12:32 PM PSTI agree with you Rea! That’s why I have to write this before the memory fades!
I am trying to document the contemporary history of the first wave of Iranians who arrived at the shores of the new world in the second half of the 20th century.
I can envision that a few hundred years from today, when the origins of the Iranians in what was known in the 20th century as the West is disputed, a young anthropologist stumbles upon the remains of a few servers that are in remarkably fine shape!
There they can read and understand the behavior patterns of the early Iranians in the West!
Always read your Greek villages, love them ;o)
by Rea on Thu Jan 13, 2011 12:19 PM PSTOn a more serious note, though.
When one starts reminiscing about how good it was, "geeez, sooo good", often it's a sign of aging. Getting worried about you. ;o)
Bavafa jaan I don't know but Faramarz jaan should know!
by Esfand Aashena on Thu Jan 13, 2011 11:56 AM PSTEverything is sacred
Esfand jaan:
by Bavafa on Thu Jan 13, 2011 11:54 AM PSTI guess that explains the love affair of the Scotts with Sheep then. Lots of sheep available in Scotland.
Incidentally, I am sure you know why they were kilt, right?
Mehrdad
Siavash, Darwin Agrees with You!
by Faramarz on Thu Jan 13, 2011 11:52 AM PSTVersatility is the key to our survival, so observed Darwin two centuries ago in Galapagos!
We have to roll with punches!
Rea
by Faramarz on Thu Jan 13, 2011 11:51 AM PSTAt some point everything sounds Greek to us!
Thanks for reading.
Asian, Mexican, Texan, doesn't matter where they're from!
by Esfand Aashena on Thu Jan 13, 2011 11:46 AM PSTThe nationality doesn't matter it all depends when you're looking for love who responds! If in Northern California there are more available Asians, Asian it is! More available Mexicans, Mexican it is!
Everything is sacred
Asian Chick
by siavash1000 on Thu Jan 13, 2011 11:27 AM PSTIranian men shifting the gear from blonds to Asian girls. Surprisingly seeing more and more of this interracial comingling in Northern California, where Chinessee are settled. Isn't that because China is getting ahead to the rest of the world or what?
Reminds me of a blog I've read recently
by Rea on Thu Jan 13, 2011 09:23 AM PSTA Texan woman, wrote about a pure Eastern breed, Greek probably, she'd ridden once. And she still remembers.
Angeline
by Faramarz on Thu Jan 13, 2011 08:19 AM PSTWhat can I say Fereshteh Joon, I have a soft spot for dumb blondes!
How do you make love to a hot boiler in the basement? Do you remove the insulating blanket first?
MM, Back at Old MacDonald's Farm!
by Faramarz on Thu Jan 13, 2011 08:15 AM PSTI have been staying clear of Texas and farms in general! But maybe I should pay visit.
Here is the Farsi Old MacDonald's Farm, if you haven't heard it!
How udderly confusing
by Dirty Angel on Thu Jan 13, 2011 06:48 AM PSTSo you found this lovething but claim not to have, didn't pursue a career in rodeo after all that practise and the weirdest I just don't understand: months with a person who doesn't understand a word you're saying and I wasn't even there in my cow-pants?
Any tidbits on milking goatish power-points?
"Stuff happens and some, one way or another, get stuffed"
has your elephant craved Texan air since then?
by MM on Wed Jan 12, 2011 09:36 PM PSTnice story Faramarz
PS, you forgot to post Teresa's phone # in your blog
Doctor Mohandess, you have to tell us
by Anahid Hojjati on Wed Jan 12, 2011 07:55 PM PSTDear DM, you have to tell us, I can't write about you, the quiet one. As far as JJ putting the book down long enough so he can put a ring on someone's finger, didn't he say he does not want to marry again? Or maybe that is what he said a while ago and now he is ready for damaadee.
No Cows in Mexico, only Sheep!
by Faramarz on Wed Jan 12, 2011 07:39 PM PSTDr. Mohandes,
You can Naz Nazi the sheep in Mexico! Here are the instructions per our dear friend Bahram 9821!
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NN5sdLUj2s
Anahita
by Doctor mohandes on Wed Jan 12, 2011 07:35 PM PSTYes... and just exactly what about the quiet one now?
de audeeence eeez eeempasiontly vaiteeeng:)
I wish one of these pretty babes would someday make JJ put the book down and put the ring on her fingers instead.
anserr de kuuession sir
by Doctor mohandes on Wed Jan 12, 2011 07:30 PM PSTFirst. here is to your GF from Amarillo (which in spanish means zard)
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3CWNLhW140
second. Should I, or rather can I, naz nazi the Cow or not? I don't think she'd mind a little bit TLC.
About JJ, I heard where he lives has the most beautiful girls
by Anahid Hojjati on Wed Jan 12, 2011 07:18 PM PSTToday, I saw a Mexican guy at work whom I used to work with for few years several years ago. In my attempt to show that Iranians are very diverse, I told him my Iranian friend lives in Mexico. Then I told him the name of area that JJ lives. He then told me that that area is mountaineous and has the most beautiful girls. See Faramarz, so you cannot corrupt him, he already found the area with cutest girls and is living there :).And now DM, the quiet one...
از اون نترس که های و هو داره، از اون بترس که سر به تو داره!
FaramarzWed Jan 12, 2011 07:11 PM PST
And we all know that we are talking about Doctor Mohandes here!
Even the cows in Amarillo where my old girlfriend came from are getting nervous as we speak!
Faramarz, if you don't do any more love stories
by Anahid Hojjati on Wed Jan 12, 2011 07:02 PM PSTuntil Asian games are over, that will mean that Iran continues to do well. As far as corrupting folks of IC, the ones who are quiet, we have to worry about them. You know the saying"az aan natars ke hayo hooy darad...". I don't think you are corrupting people here.
Writing about cooking should be fun. Actually what happened to your stories with your relatives? Those were great too. You had even detailed your grocery shopping trip and that actually was fun to read.
corrupting meeeeeeeeee???
by Doctor mohandes on Wed Jan 12, 2011 07:02 PM PSTnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Not even close :)
Maybe I should slow down and write about cooking! I am good in the kitchen you know, and can do some razzle dazzle with the pots and pans and spatula!
Not gonna write more love stories for a while ha? face It partner:) You are addicted to writing Love essstoooreeez de akheh!!!
Can we pet and caress the cow? or is he or she gonna Joftak our behind out of this world?
hamash taghseere kyeh?? agha faramarrrrrrrrzzz...
Anahid
by Faramarz on Wed Jan 12, 2011 06:49 PM PSTThank you for your sense of humor!
No more love stories until the Asian Cup tournament is over!
But seriously, after reading JJ's piece today, I came to the realization that I might be corrupting the innocent folks on this site (Hamash Taghseer e een Faramarz e!)
Maybe I should slow down and write about cooking! I am good in the kitchen you know, and can do some razzle dazzle with the pots and pans and spatula!
Cousin Mehrdad
by Faramarz on Wed Jan 12, 2011 06:41 PM PSTThe lesson that I learned out of this experience was not to mess with Texas!
And also, women know how to hurt you if they want, both emotionally and physically!
Thanks for your comments and kind words.
Esfand Jaan
by Faramarz on Wed Jan 12, 2011 06:37 PM PSTThat’s one of my favorite songs, Willie Nelson’s “To All the Girls I Loved Before.”
But these stories, mine or others speak to the experiences of a generation of young Iranians who were thrown into a new culture with all kinds of misconceptions and pre-conceived notions. And we just rode the waves and had some fun in the process!
And no Tattoos!
Thanks Faramarz,come Friday or Saturday, it is back to soccer?
by Anahid Hojjati on Wed Jan 12, 2011 06:07 PM PSTFaramarz jan, thanks for another funny story. Please , write all your love stories; not all all but the ones you want to tell in next few days, up to Friday. Come Friday , Saturday we are looking forward to some soccer blogs from you :).
Dear cousin Farmarz: Yet another great story
by Bavafa on Wed Jan 12, 2011 05:47 PM PSTyour grand kids will love you and your stories better then pennant butter & jelly
Funny thing, this line "And then she would have thrown the pots and pans at me! Believe it or not, I was afraid of her!" reminded me of one of my best friend's girlfriend during college days. She was a tiny, nice and pleasant Korean gal and they had been dating for a number of years. But she also had a temper and we often found broken cups and plates at my buddies house. He genuinely was afraid of her and so were we.
Anyway, good story as always. Keep them coming.
Mehrdad
To All The Girls I've Loved Before!
by Esfand Aashena on Wed Jan 12, 2011 04:44 PM PSTFaramarz jaan beteen you and JJJ's sexual escapades (women of all ages :-) perhaps a duet is in order! Just kidding of course!
Everything is sacred
Monda, Tips on How to Milk a Cow
by Faramarz on Wed Jan 12, 2011 02:52 PM PSTThank you Monda for reading and commenting.
Here are a few tips on how to milk a cow!
First, since you are getting close and personal with a cow, make sure that you are not nervous! Animals can quickly detect that you are nervous and you will not be able to have your way with her!
Secondly, after you sit on a stool next to the cow, put your hand on her! This will reassures her that you have noble intentions!
Happy Milking!