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Three Iranian Guys in the Shower
19-Aug-2010
There are certain things that your parents don’t teach you when they put their teenage kids on the plane and ship them to the US to get an education. It is not that they don’t want to, they just don’t know, at least mine didn’t. Among those lessons were the proper etiquette and the code of conduct in the swimming pool, the shower and the restrooms in the US!
You see, in Iran, most men don’t get naked in front of other men! As a young man in Iran, you learn that you are not supposed to show your things to the other men. It is considered rude and impolite to do so, especially if they are older than you are. Also, you learn that you are not supposed to show your ass to the other men either. You take extra care to be protective of your ass, like a virgin! So whenever you go to the swimming pool or the resorts on the Caspian Sea, men generally change into their swimming trunks by wrapping a towel around their waists. And they do the same when they get back into their regular clothing. That’s what everybody did, and everyone gave you the space and privacy to do so.
During my freshman year in college, my two Iranian buddies and I from the same dormitory put our swimming trunks on and headed to our university’s recreation center to check out the Olympic size swimming pool. When we got there, there were a few people in the pool doing laps. They swam and stayed in their lanes, going back and forth, back and forth. We looked at them for a second, then put our stuff by the poolside and said “one, two, three” and jumped into the pool, all three of us, feet first, to make the biggest splash!
You see, in Iran, swimming pools are not for swimming. They are for horse play. You jump in there, make a splash, wrestle with your friends, even girls, push each other’s head down, walk on your hands, stand on each other’s shoulders and all sorts of other things, but not swimming. There is no room for that. And that’s exactly what my buddies and I were doing when people started to stare at us and the lifeguard came over and gave us a warning, to either swim or get out of the pool!
We quickly got bored and went outside to lie down in the sun, next to a couple of girls. One of the guys opened his backpack and pulled out a small bottle of olive oil and started putting some on his body. The smell of extra virgin olive oil (first press) from Varamin quickly filled the air. One of the girls looked over to see what was going on.
“Would you like some olive oil from Iran?” My friend asked. “Oh no, thank you.” The girl replied. The girls then whispered something to each other and buried their faces in their paperbacks. They completely ignored us from that point on!
We then headed to the shower area. The guys were all walking around naked. My buddies and I were the only ones that took our showers with our trunks on. We started looking around and making fun of everybody. “Look at that one, Doodool Talaa…See the white ass on that one…Here comes Dool Ghoncheh…and on, and on, and on!”
It wasn’t that we didn’t want to take our shorts off. We were just uncomfortable doing it in front of each other. Later on when I joined the school team and started travelling with them, it was all fine.
Right after school, I got a job with a reputable firm and started my first day on the job on the 29th floor of a high rise building in the big city. My manager took me around and introduced me to everyone on the floor, including the big boss, the Managing Director. At around 10 o’clock or so, after drinking lots of coffee, tea, free orange juice, and whatever else that I could find, I urgently needed to go to the restroom. As I was positioning myself in front of the stall and thinking about how wonderful it was going to be to relieve myself, there walked in the Managing Director, the big boss of over 200 employees, il Capo dei Capi!
“How are you doing young man? Are you on a project yet?’ He asked while standing in front of the next stall.
“There is a project in Chicago that I am going to get assigned to.” I said while desperately trying to focus on the urgent matter at hand!
“Chicago is my hometown. It is a fun place for young people. Have you ever been there?” He said while making a big splashing sound from relieving himself.
By then my whole system had completely shut down and not a single drop was coming out! As I was trying to keep the conversation going and tell him about how I visited Chicago once, he let a big and noisy one out!
That totally floored me! You see in Iran, if someone lets a big and noisy fart in the middle of your speech, one of two things would happen. He is either a friend, in which case you laugh it off and hit him on the head! Or it is a complete sign of disrespect, in which case you will have to respond. But, this was neither. This was just how Westerners deal with the call of nature and move on!
I flushed and pretended that I was done and headed out. As soon as I knew that he had left the restroom, I ran back and took care of the business.
After that incident I knew that I needed to come up with a back up plan. I just didn’t like the stress of pissing right next to the big boss. And I definitely did not appreciate my conversation being interrupted so rudely, although not ill-intended. So starting the next day, I took the elevator down, one floor at a time, and tried to find a peaceful and quiet restroom. It didn’t take long until I found the spot on the 16th floor. The floor was half empty and there was only an advertising agency of mostly female employees there. The restroom was nice and quiet!
Just recently, when I was visiting my uncle and aunt down south, I took my uncle to one of those hot mineral water pools. The elderly Iranians truly believe in the healing power of these pools. As my uncle and I walked into the empty locker room area to change, we both turned towards the wall, with our backs to each other, quickly changed into our swimming trunks and without saying a word just grabbed our towels and headed to the pool!
Old habits are hard to break!
Picture Courtesy of Anonymouse @ Iranian.com
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Good to know
by divaneh on Fri Aug 20, 2010 06:28 PM PDTThat I am not the only one who has to concentrate. Thanks for this excellent piece Faramarz Jaan.
looking at the picture, i
by hamsade ghadimi on Fri Aug 20, 2010 04:32 PM PDTlooking at the picture, i wonder if anyone else got weirded out when they used the bathrooms and could see other people's legs under the stalls? iranians are good at covering: walls around the house, two layers of curtains for windows, roosari, tarof,...
Excellent story telling
by Shazde Asdola Mirza on Fri Aug 20, 2010 04:08 PM PDTMade me laugh so hard.
Thanks for sharing.
But, They Have Super Accurate Qiam1 Missiles
by Faramarz on Fri Aug 20, 2010 11:48 AM PDTبه ایرونیه میگن نظرت راجب به روزنامه ها چیه؟
میگه جام جام خشکه، رسالت تیزه، همشهری نرمه، کیهان عالیه!
هنوز اونجامو با بقیه پاک نکردم!
Yes here look ...
by Anonymouse on Fri Aug 20, 2010 12:24 PM PDTI should've said they don't always have men's room or women's room (per se :-) it is whatever is available! For example, look at the last 5 photos in this series and especially the 5th one from the bottom or the last one.
Women have to enter these "facilities" after men go in and just you know, water the entire garden! Thus the preparation for folding of their pants and tucking the shoe laces, etc.!
One last thing about this subject, whether it is men or women they always complain about the facility not being behdashti and I'm like well of course it isn't, I'm yet to find a behdashti facility, if you find one please let me know!
Everything is sacred
Anonymouse, Quite a Description!
by Faramarz on Fri Aug 20, 2010 11:16 AM PDTحالا فهمیدم چرا خانوم ها اینقدر تو دست شویی وقت صرف میکنن!
پس قبل از
رفتن تو دستشویی باید از زیر آینه و قرآن رد شد و یک کاسه آب پشت سر ملت
ریخت!
Faramarz jaan
by Fatollah on Fri Aug 20, 2010 06:32 AM PDTyou are one of a kind and now that you ask, where and when growing up in Iran [sharestan], naturally sun oil was for pussy's! only one dirty pool in and a huge salty lake outside the town. today, where I live, we don't have much sunny days, therefore I've no preferences for sun screen really, but if I'd choose one, I'd go for Varamin olive oil for sure. >:-o)
BTW it's much more difficult 4 women 2 use these latrine service
by Anonymouse on Fri Aug 20, 2010 06:36 AM PDTWhile men need training themselves to enter and exit these latrine services (photo) and they don't post photos of women's room for obvious reasons and I haven't been to one, I have witnessed the 'rituals' that women go through prior to entering these restrooms!
First they let out a sigh for acknowledging the only latrine available, next they roll up the bottom of their pants several inches, be it jeans or khakis (since no one wears skirts in public, and then make sure the socks are high and tight and then they hold their breath and with a look asking us to halal them they lower heads and enter the latrine!
If they wear skirts over their jeans, which many do, they pull the skirts up and tuck in over their belts. I don't understand how their hair itself makes men electrocuted (howney ;-) but pulling up a skirt doesn't!
Everything is sacred
Thank You for Taking the Plunge!
by Faramarz on Thu Aug 19, 2010 07:23 PM PDTThank you my dear friends for reading this story and commenting on it.
T-Bride Jaan,
You are a brave soul going to an Iranian Hamoom Zanooneh in Tehran! And trust me, I had to tone down my comments about the shower scene to get passed the Iranian.com censures!
Fatollah Khan,
You are just the kind of guy that would have been one of my friends, jumping into the pool! Do you put Varamin olive oil on yourself like me, or you have a preference for sun screen?
Red Wine Jaan,
I am still thinking about Matilda whenever I see Brazil play! Forget about Kaka and Ronaldinho! Please have another affair! My phonograph is still stuck on the same song!
Anonymouse Jaan,
Your pictures were an inspiration for this piece! Thank You!
Hamsadeh Jaan,
We have all lived the same experiences. I would have called the black dude’s ass chorookideh!
You should have told him to let his ass soak in water for a while, like prunes to get it back to normal!
Cousin Mehrdad,
Those white German asses! What were the German ladies doing?
Bajenagh Jaan,
I love you man! Your smile and that cup of cappuccino is an inspiration to me!
Faramarz Jan
by bajenaghe naghi on Thu Aug 19, 2010 06:14 PM PDTGreat story. Made me laugh and cry as usual.
Looking forward to reading more of your stories.
Yet another great story cousin
by Bavafa on Thu Aug 19, 2010 06:01 PM PDTYour story reminded me when I was in Iran and we had a few foreign engineers (mostly Germans) in our summer outdoor pool. Everyday, we would go in great length to make sure no one sees our secret parts (asses) and these Germans would be just changing in the front of every one with no inhibition, not knowing that they were the laughing stock in that pool.
Mehrdad
that was really funny
by hamsade ghadimi on Thu Aug 19, 2010 05:16 PM PDTthat was really funny faramarz. in college, me and my two friends used to go to the gym together and while taking showers do exactly as what you said: making comments about others and laugh. once there was this big african american wrestler taking a shower and we were looking at his wrinkly behind and one of my friends said "look at that, it's all dried up" (oono negah, khoshkideh). and we all laughed. he truned around around and angrily said "koshkideh, what's that supposed to mean?" i said "oh nothing, we were just talking to each other. it means alright." he smiled and said "i like that. koshkideh." from then on, whenever he saw us in the gym he would yell out "koshkideh" real loud and we would all laugh and say "yeah khoshkideh."
I'm developing lack of control of gaseous matters myself!
by Anonymouse on Thu Aug 19, 2010 05:19 PM PDTI go to other floors for peace and quiet too and every now and then at a urinal stall in our own floor's men's room, next to my boss actually, I lose control and let one out and try to cover it up by discussing a business subject more passionately (loudly :-)! It's getting worse too!
Also the new lingo for men's locker room is Moon Landing and we want to be careful about it!
There are more pics where this pic came from and some are combo latrine services/namazkhaneh!
Everything is sacred
:=)
by Red Wine on Thu Aug 19, 2010 04:29 PM PDTحضرت الفرامرز خان ..
كنت كاتبا كبيرا.
گل به زیر پایتان و گلاب به رویتان،از این جا تا دروازه شمیران چاکریم ...
شراب قرمز.
enjoyed your story very much ...
by Fatollah on Thu Aug 19, 2010 04:22 PM PDT:)
Tears...
by Temporary Bride on Thu Aug 19, 2010 04:17 PM PDTOh F'marz! I actually laughed so hard I cried during parts of this.
Your stories are so blissfully innocent and capture the naivety of being a 'stranger in a strange land'.
And how porru you and your friends were with your shower commentary. 'Dool ghoncheh'! Now I know what really happens in male locker rooms!
I'd been warned to cover my privates before going to the local estakhr in Tehran - Iranian girls are just as prudent. I have to confess I stole admiring glances at those old mamans with their proud, sagging bodies, broken in by the efforts of bearing so many children. They always looked so sweet to me as they tucked themselves into multi-layers of underwear before poking their heads through their chadors.
Locker rooms are a window on a secret world!
Keep writing!
T-Bride