Truth by a comedian


by hamidbak

I like to talk a little bit about the war in Persian Gulf, big doings in the Persian Gulf. You know my favorite part of that war? It was the first war we had that was on every channel, even cable. And the war got good ratings too. Well, we like war! We are war like people. We like war because we're good at it.

You know why we're good at it, because we get a lot of practice. This country is only 200 years old and we've already have had ten major wars. We average a major war every 20 years in this country, so we're good at it. And it's a good thing we are; we're not good at anything else any more, ha? Can't build a descent car, can't make a TV center or a VCR worth a fuck. Don't have steel industry left, can't educate our young people, can't get good health care for our old people, but we can bomb the shit out of your country. HAH? WE CAN BOMB THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR COUNTRY ALL RIGHT!!


Oh we like that, that's our hobby. That's our new job in the world, bombing brown people. Iraq, Panama, Granada, Libya, Afghanistan, you got some brown people in your country, tell them to watch the fuck out or we'll god damn bomb them.

Well when is the last white people you remember we bombed? You remember the last white, do you remember ANY white people we've ever bombed?

The Germans were the last ones and that's because they were trying to cut in our action. They wanted to dominate the world, bull shit, that's our job, that's our fucking job.

Now we only bomb brown people. Not because they're cutting on our action, just because they're brown. You may have noticed, I don't feel about that war the way we were told, the way we were supposed to feel about that war, the way we were ordered, instructed by the United States government. You see, I tell ya, my mind doesn't work that way, I got this real moron thing I do, it's called thinking. And I'm not a very good American, because I like to form my own opinions. I don't just roll over when I'm told to. The sad thing is most Americans just roll over on command, not me. I have certain rules I live by. First rule is I don't believe anything government tells me, nothing, zero. Nope! And I don't take very seriously media the press in this country, who in the case of Persian Gulf War were nothing more than unpaid employees of the Department of Defense, and who most of the time, MOST OF THE TIME, functions as an unofficial public relations agency for United States Government.

So, I don't listen to them, I don't really believe in my country, and I got to tell you folks I don't get all chocked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I consider them symbols and I leave symbols to the ìsymbol-mindedî.

Me, I look at war a little bit differently. To me war is a lot of prick waving, ok?

Simple thing that's all it is war is a whole lot of men standing out in a field waving their pricks at one another. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks so they have to kill one another over the idea. That's what all that ass whole, jock bull shit is all about.

That's what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. It's called dick fear. Men are terrified that their dicks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another to feel better about themselves. So, since war is the ultimate competition, basically men are killing each other in order to improve their self esteem.

You don't have to be a historian or a political scientists to see bigger-dick foreign policy at work.

It sounds like this, ìwhat they have bigger dicks? Bomb themî. And of course, the bombs, rockets, and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. It's a subconscious need to project the penis into other people's affairs.


So, as far as I'm concerned that whole thing in Persian Golf was nothing more than a big prick waving dick fight. In this particular case, Saddam Hussein had questioned the size of George Bush's dick. And George has been called a wimp for so long, wimp rhymes with limpÖ George has been called a wimp for so long that he has to act down his manhood fantasies, by sending other people's children to die.

Even the name Bush is related to genitals without being genitals without being the genitals. A Bush is a sort of passive, secondary sex characteristics.

Now, if his name was George BonerÖwell, he might have felt better about himself and he wouldn't have had any problems over there anyway.

This whole country has a manhood problem, a big manhood problem in USA. You can tell by the language we use. Language always gives you away. What did we do wrong in Vietnam? We pulled out!

Ahh, not a very manly thing to do, is it? When you're fucking people, you got to stay in there and fuck them good, fuck them all the way, fuck them to death.

Stay in there and keep fucking them until they're all dead.

We left a few women and children in Vietnam and we haven't felt good about ourselves since. That's why in Persian Gulf, George Bush said, "this will not be another Vietnam". He actually used these words he said, "This time we're going all the way". Imagine an American president using the sexual slang of a thirteen year old to explain his foreign policy!

If you want to know what happened in Persian Gulf just remember the names of two men who were running that war, Dick Chaney and Colin Powel. Somebody got fucked in the...


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Aug 18, 2012
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Comments on this page

by Ali Parsa (not verified) on

Hamidbak is so right to explain the reality of our world in a language that is preferred by our young who are so disappointed that they rather be more entertained than educated. His writing offers both. We cannot blame the young for this if we recall the parable of the Lying shepherd in Farsi-Choopaheh dorooghgoo. It is the mega lies that detach the people from their government, and the governments love that because that is the only way to get away with anything including lies, mega lies and damned lies. When deprived of meaningful life the general public has always taken refuge in seemingly meaningful lifestyle such as seeking excessive worldly pleasures, entertainment including substance abuse, over-eating and then spending billions for weight loss, with little or no interest in truth and a no-nonsense education. Curious joe hits that nail right on the head when he highlights the importance of education. He is right in mentioning the inevitability of wars, but I wish that he also believes that we could still have a more balanced world by doing more to defeat evil so that the good will prevail. An increasing number of people are doing this and it is our mission to keep that trend and hope for a better future for our troubled world.



by Milan (not verified) on

Hamidbak uses interesting metaphors. But thanks to Curious Joe for illustrating the point further.



by n.zanincanadai1 (not verified) on

He said Fuck
He said Prick
He said Dick

ps - I get the sarcasm but Who is "We"???? I'm not one of you! I go to every anti war demonstration I can and I never support war. Not even for a good fuck.

Curious Joe

OK. What is the alternative?

by Curious Joe on

You may call it "F**king", but within the context of "the rise and fall of empires", some entity (call it a dick, if you will) must rise to replace the previous falling Empire.  So, if the US dick droops, then China will erect to replace it.  If China gets into its menopause state, then India will raise its dick and dominate the world.  If both China and India fail do replace US domination, then the European Union will become the huckster.  If all of them fail,  then maybe Russia will be ready to take over -- and so on, and on. Given all the possible worse alternatives, I'd rather have the US holding to its dick

Just imagine a coup d’etat against the IRI regime by a bunch of Generals.  If that happens, Iran would end up with worse situation than the Shah and the current Mullahs.  I can imagine a post-Mullah military regime in Iran, a la Idi Amin in Uganda who used to serve the heads and blood of his opponents at his dinner table (one hell of a Kaleh-paacheh !!).  If you think the Shah and the Mullah were bad, just wait for those generals to take over.  They'll probably make the current tortures at the Evin Prison look like a picnic.

Before we knock down the awful US dick and its imperialist/capitalist domination, just think what its replacement could bring to the table. 

At the end of the day, unless the human beings learn to become constructive (rather than destructive), wars are inevitable.  JJ's forum and and most of the comments/insults (without any substance) are a perfect demonstration of the above.