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Adoption Iranian Style!

Thanks, Marge, for this wonderful blog. 

During the 60’s, a close relative of mine, a married business woman, adopted a girl from a leper colony in Mashad. The girl, who was 5 at the time, was treated poorly by the woman and almost used as a maid, but no one dared objecting to that. Eventually she finished High school and was sent to Montreal where I lived. Few years later, she got married to an Iranian but did not tell him that she was adopted! She had obviously internalised this ridiculous stigma on adoption. Eventually for a medical reason, she had to tell her husband, but this fact remains a "secret" between the husband and wife to this day!

There is still a wide-spread prejudice against adoption and adopted children in the Iranian culture, which needs to change. However, the laws under the Islamic Republic do not help! For instance, an adopted child is legally called "step-child," which is traumatizing to the child if not to the parents as well. She/he is not entitled to any inheritance. According to Shirin Ebadi, there is no mention of child adoption either in Koran or in Sharia Law.

Under the Islamic Republic, a great deal of attention has been given to negative aspects of raising a child by "others". Apparently, because the lawmakers were concerned about subjecting the child to such abuses as being sold or put to work for profit, as well as sexual and physical abuses, they did not endorse adoption. The creation of orphanages seem to be the only provision for the unprotected children.

According to the Law of Protecting the Unprotected Children, married childless couples seeking adoption should be able to: 1- prove that they have been married for at least five years during which they were unable to have a child, 2- prove that at least one of them is 30 years or older, 3- have no convictions resulting from an intentional crime, 4- have no history of mental illness, and are of good moral standing as confirmed by people in the neighbourhood, 5- have no contagious or incurable diseases, 6- have no addiction to alcohol or other drugs, 7- show that they are Moslems and residents of Iran.

A child can be adopted if he/she is: 1- a minor (girls below 9 lunar years and boys, 14 lunar years), 2- without a father, a mother, or paternal grandparents, or living in a public institution, 3- not claimed by either the parents or the paternal grandparents for at least three years.

The request for adoption must be written jointly by the man and wife and be submitted to the court. The request must be filed with the public court with jurisdiction in the residential district of the couple placing the request. Upon the consent of the child’s residing institution, the court will issue a permit for a testing period of six months.

The child will be given to the prospective parents for a six- months trial period under the supervision of a social worker. At the end of this time, and upon confirming the parents qualifications, the court will issue an order regarding the child’s adoption. The parents can obtain legal documents giving their names to the child upon receipt of the court’s ruling. The parents should transfer part of their possessions into the child’s name as a guarantee that the child’s expenses and education will be provided for until he/she becomes of age.

 In the event of the adoptive father’s death, the adoptive paternal grandparents are not responsible to care for the child. The separation of adoptive parents will not prevent the child from living with one of them. · Any ruling regarding the custody rights of the biological family (called "real" family) is invalid. This means that while the child’s custody is taken away from the biological family, they continue to be the child’s parents and the relationship does not stop.

What is disturbing is that there are no legal barriers to marry one’s own "adoptive" child, although it is considered unethical. Usually, after the adopted child reaches the adult age, a religious ritual (Sigheh Mahramiat) is performed under which his/her presence in the same room with the adult members of the other sex is permissible. The adoptive children of a family can marry each other because they do not have any biological relationship. They can marry even members such as uncles or aunts!

Although an adopted child is not entitled to any inheritance, the parents can always transfer a third of their possessions to anyone they wish!

Children in orphanages can be adopted by people who reside outside of the country, but the following conditions must be observed:

1. The requesting parents should be Moslems. Parents from Christian, Jewish, or Zoroastrian religions (officially recognised religions in Iran) will be given children from the same religious backgrounds.

2 No child shall be given to a single man or woman. The man and woman must join to form a family, etc.

3. The parents’ citizenship does not influence the request in any way.

4. Potential parents (who reside outside of the country) can place their requests at the Ministry of Health through their relatives in Iran. The child will be under the supervision of the Iranian consular office for six months before a final decision can be reached. In order to leave the country, a court order is necessary.

* Source: Shirin Ebadi, 1996, Children’s Legal Rights: Looking into the legal rights of children in Iran, vol.1

Actually it is not......

just Iranian culture. In my own culture, if someone adopts many see it as "poor thing......she could not have one of her own".

Which is truly sad because as mentioned on this thread there are so many beautiful children that need a home.

I'm sorry that happened to you. That's awful. Welcome to our

world. Culturally, Iranians need to make strides. I think Iranians here can not only adopt American children, but children from Iran. There are so many children in foster care, orphanages and just down right poverty.

Anyway, I'm happy to read someone here has adopted. It means a lot to me to know somewhere in the ether of Iranian.com readers, there's someone like you. PHEW! 

None among us = Shah Pahlavi the Golden King Bambooli. We don't need "natural heirs". I wish we'd take better care of our selves as a species. Irandokht is right about this "man thing". I agree with her. I might be wrong. I know some women who have major urges for pregnancy. I had a school mate who used to day dream as a TEENAGER about pregnancy and all the things she wanted to do when she was pregnant: paint, do clay, take pictures. I thought she was crazy. I'm sure she's a great mom today. However, I wonder if people are even aware of the homeless children, and whether they care.

I've witnessed the ignorant say about foster kids, "maybe their DNA has cocaine in it? Maybe they are killers waiting to mature?" Sad. 

Marge you are full of surperises?

So you advocate adoption , over having biological children, but you have picked the wrong crowed to preach. Why?because the first time we took our beutiful adopted son to an Iranian party to show him off, a nice mature lady came to me and said, I hope someday you have one of your own??????
I said he is mine, she said I mean your own!Iranians are not ready for adoption, I can see that in their eyes , they feel sorry for me.I don't feel the same and love him more than my life.BUT, they beg to differ!

Let the Mormons explain.

This man really knows his stuff:

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDqxQ6MUZoQ

absolutely right on

my little cupcake.  i couldnt agree with you more.  i had my son when i was a little older.  i always felt like it gave me a chance to do some things i probably wouldn't do once i had a child.  and i agree with ID... you just can't ever imagine loving something that much.  it's just the most wonderful thing. 

i'm against abortion on moral grounds but understand the need for it.  my mom, who is ultra catholic, also opposes abortion but is furious at the limited options or alternatives.  BIRTH CONTROL.

i have zero respect for any woman who has children for their own needs or to become a welfare dependent.  i know there are circumstances beyond the control but damn... how hard is it to use a condom.  birth control should be FREE.

a great article... something that i hope obama will address as well.

what's even crazier

is all them kids who choose to stay with their parents! what's that about? any sane kid would revolt against this family dictatorship crap and go out on the streets and get a life soon as they learn to walk!

viva america

8+6=14 plus mom and then she cann't find a job any way,
that means kalyforny wellfare and our federal tax $$ have to feed them till they're 18.
I am not mean;But as hard working father of 3 kids myself with no help from anywhere you can picture it yourself.
kalifernya should take over these and all similar kids away from their irresponsible mothers. period.
come on ARNOLD make our day.

Marge

You rock girl!

you make me crack up even when we're discussing serious stuff :0)

I know you don't judge them. I do agree with you and yes there really should be a test for parenthood (at least) minimum requirements and readiness. I just said that from where I am standing, I can't possibly criticize people for bringing other people to this world. But I do have strong opinions about baby-factories, alternate forms of conception (i.e. in vitro), fertility drugs and adoption.

by the way I really believe this "passing on the genes" is a man thing! ;-)  (shhhhh   don't tell anyone I said that) 

IRANdokht

IranDokht. I am not judging. I'm not. You understand my style

I think families are fantastic. I love them like Bill O'Reilly like falafel and loofah. But it worries me to see people "just doing it" because it seems normal. Parenting and family planning matter so much. Good societies are founded on strong families. 

Thanks for sharing your story. I understand where you're coming from. Most parents change/adapt even if they aren't 100% prepared. I don't even know what 100% prepared could mean.

I'm not criticizing potential parents. I'm criticizing people who are parents for the sake of it. Not because of the joys - but because of the disappointments and frustrations too. I was horrified when I read about children being dumped in Nebraska last fall because of a law that permitted parents to do it.  

It's sad, these two passed on their genes

Now bunch of idiots are going to say ooh and aah and send them life time supply of pampers and other s..t.
I remember the Texan woman who gave birth to eight and she was demanding people to help them.
I would not give a dime, nobody should.

Hard to criticize

I had my son at a young age and he's been the constant focus in my life and the source of the greatest love, joy and pride for all this years. If I had waited, I probably would have not experienced this joy because I find the arguments you presented very reasonable, and probably would have acted logically. 

But as a mother, I find it very hard to criticize people who want to experience the joy of parenthood.

You're also correct about adoption which is a very noble and selfless act. I believe the ones who have to medically alter themselves to have children and risk having multiple births with very poor health, should really consider adoption and save many people from living in pain and suffering.  

IRANdokht

I also hate that so few people adopt

It amazes me how people think they are so special and must therefore pass on their genes. people with sense adopt.

I did my calculation a long time ago

…and my allowable number of children, on the average rounded to one significant figure, added up to zero.  So, being a good science geek I trusted the number and abide by it.

Too many people fail math in school.  It’s a shame.