Faith, Grace and I miss sleep so bad


Faith, Grace and I miss sleep so bad
by John Am

You can say It doesn’t surprise u. No matter what it always really does. My eyes have been witness to the coldest side of humanity, and yet every time I see it again I am surprised that a human can be that cold. I see the heart and soul of humanity, of the good in people and once again I’m surprised.

The grace of god carries me at those times when I feel so helpless, when I feel like there isn’t a way out of this one. When I really feel all the energy that flows through me so powerfully is being drained like rivers right out of my body. God somehow reminds me of the grace he blessed me with.

Carrying the weight of the world has defiantly gotten my thighs stronger. Its not my burden to carry but why does it naturally always fall onto my shoulders. I do believe it is because I am capable of absorbing it for all of those that cant. Therefore it turns into my duty.

Everything that has happened in our lifetimes will comprise us. I don’t have to tell my life story to anyone because you can see in one moment twenty six years worth of story by looking at me standing before u.

If your dependent on the energy of others to make it. You are draining them and everyone that needs there energy as well.

But if you can consistently see yourself push, harder and harder. Never dependent on others, never scared of failure. You are the inspiration to those closest around you who see the entire story. Its no longer a movie, this is a real life hero who is hiding as Clark Kent, working like Harriet Tubman, and soaking pain like Jesus Chirst. All the while isolated because true leaders know that they are the ones that will have to sacrifice the most.

Jesus begged for forgiveness of his murderers on the cross, as a prelude to releasing the energy necessary to carry out the resurrection.

If u allows the disease of giving up to creep into your head then you don’t have a chance. At twenty six years old I have been to more places and done more things than most people. Every time you put yourself under the risk of something new, failure, fear, you may pay a devastating cost of disappointment.

Everytime you are scared the energy from your body will be drained by your mind, the longer you allow the thoughts of the scars to come around. By the same token you would have never been able to reach the endless source of energy within, had those rivers not have attempted to drain u.

Its so hard to go light years deep in search for something that may not be there, and endless source of faith, grace, energy.. Everytime one person does it they provide not only the energy that everyone else needs but they are also enough proof for someone else to be able to do as well.

I’m not sure if anyone will ever read this but, and I’m not sure how delirious I sound but I have been up from 11 am yesterday and it is now 9 am.

Not sure how much these words will mean but If there is a way I’ll do it. I’ve been studying and searching for so long that I finally look at the clock and realize its 2 in the morning, I haven’t ate and the day is already about to be over.

The sickness that is ambition, revenge, legacy, and heart. With out it like is so simple and mundane. With it life makes u age 3 times faster, paranoid, and unfullfilled because the more you have the more you need. Without it is so easy that you find ways to get pressured over the petty things. The words that describe it the best faith and grace can be witnessed by others. What people remember most about you is how made them feel.

Now imagine if you dug for that grace tirelessly, I really don’t thing it matters if u ever find it. What matters is you searched deep inside yourself for the endless source of energy down to the bare atom. That search in itself will in an eternal mark. So for the rest of eternity you made so many people feel something, and people remember most about u is how u made them feel.

Can u imagine for one second to be Martin Luther King or Bobby Kennedy. The president just got killed, no one could protect him. MLK gets killed, and your Bobby and u know that intimidation will not stop but its an impossibility for faith to surrender.


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