Kobra Khanoom

Javaneh Jan... Ok Well, you

Javaneh Jan...

Ok Well, you made the reference about empowerment and CAmille Paglia. It doesn't matter, I will blog about this seperately because it's something that happens over and over on many blogs.
Anyway, who said anything about anyone sleeping with many different men? What is MANY anyway? What if she had just 2. Is that 2 too many? What if it was just one...or say 15? In anyway, why would she be with anyone who would think she has been diminished by her previous actions...
valla man nemigiram. I think I'm on a different planet.

The Mrs jan

Please go back and read the posts prior to mine and you will see that I did not in fact introduce Camille Paglia into the discussion here. Im not sure myself why Khobra Khanoom referred to her, who ever she is... guessing some one well known in the US. Why is it relevant .. good question.

Internets.... guessing you are a man? ok if you think Im moralistic....be man chi! Someone needs to be real here.  And no matter whether this is a fictinal story or a real life one, it raises a SERIOUS issue. I know as do we all, that 100% if this woman is Irani and is hoping for a long term relationship with an Irani man, she will diminsh herself in his eyes if she has sex with many different men. Let alone what she feel about hereslf. If you are an Irani man .. and you disagree with this, you are rare indeed and I dont believe you!!!!! Perhaps you are not an Irani man or perhaps you are a woman who wishes she could be free from the judgement this choice of action would bring with it.

Zeynab Jan ..... Perhaps you are right! Its interesting though.. the responses we read here. I hate the hypocracy here on this issue. Lets be honest and stop trying to pretend that its not going to have any effect on her reputation if a woman has sex with many partners.Many seem to be fooling themselves and trying to convince the rest of us that this is not the case!

Great escapist ... so happy to read that you have overcome your problem so quickly. Good luck to you.  

Javaneh

Do it if you feel right!

Sex is the next basic human need after eating.Many marriage has not worked out because the chemistry was not there.For separated women my suggestion is to know their men very well before they hop in be with them,unless they are too horny to wait:)Live Love Laugh

Javaneh aziz , kobra khanom must be a man!

I agree with you, it is not healthy to go from one man to other and have sex just to catch up with the lost times!

She would be famous in her social circle as being a slut,that would be the only outcome.

only a horny man would give such a horny response to a vulnerable woman" are naneh joon bro bookon"! yah right!

Javaneh Jan

This is an important topic because there’s a large number of single middle aged Iranians out there. Some are our parents or uncles or friends or sisters…this is a very relevant topic.

Why drag Camille Paglia into this? 

Actually, I am very much real............

First of all I would like to thank many on the thread, who expressed concern about my welfare.=)

I can assure you that I do have a good head on my shoulders. I will make the most wise and best decisions for me.

I think that Kobra Khanoom is correct in that in the last 10-11 years, I have not met the right man.

However, I have met a man that I am not only interested in but that I am extremely attracted to his mind, body and soul. It has awoken in me something that I thought had been lost.

I greatly admire and respect him........yes, he is Persian.

I think that I am ready to take that "leap of faith".

PS: Kobra Khanoom, thank you once again for your advice. I am sure I will have future questions now that I will begin the journey.......towards love. lol =)

Javaneh29...

You are taking matters too seriously and too literally. This is most probably advice from KK to a fictional situation, which incidently occurs all the time in real life. You are treating it as if it was a "one size fits all" solution. It is meant to be whimsical, so just relax instead of getting yourself involved in these long winded, moral lesson discussions.

How did that famous George Michael song go?. "I Want Your Sex":

"Sex is natural - sex is good
Not everybody does it
But everybody should
Sex is natural - sex is fun
Sex is best when it's....one on one...one on one"

Sorry, but I don't remember the whole lyrics ;)

OH Behave baby!

Naneh joon,

Right on the money!

Obviously this lady isn't going to go on a frenzy and engage in behaviour she isn't comfortable with. I think that's obvious. She has waited a long time so she probably is in control of her wants and needs. She doesn't sound like someone who makes decisions that would leave her vulnerable or manipulated.

Most of her life has already passed her by! Let's get real, besides companionship and all the good things that come with a healthy relationship, she is probably in need of other things too. And she isn't getting any younger. The pool of available jeegars is thinning out for her.

There is nothing wrong with going a bit faster than what we are traditionally used to. I hope this lady will be smart enough to use her time efficiently.

There's nothing wrong with learning things from other cultures or even imitating them. And there's no need to feel guilty about behaving in a way that would be unacceptable in our culture. If she needs something physical, then she should feel good about herself and proud of the fact that she can put a name on her need and go after it.

This idea that physical actions will leave us damaged and confused and khodayeh nakardeh zaboonam laal goosheh sheytoon kar "naanajeeb", is irrational. Times have changed and I'm confident we can move ahead with them. To think logically and not blindly copying previous generations that have left us full of shame and confusing.

Nothing can be as damaging and confusing as guilt and holding back on real human needs. IF, IF, IF, this lady feels she wants to take the plunge, she should get a nice partner in crime and perhaps start with some good old fashion ...!

What's important however is that she should catch up a little bit, if she hasn't done so already. I recommend she goes to get some az un filmhaayeh kheily khoobeh kheily bad. No one wants her to be shocked into a heart attack.

If this lady wants realistic advice on how to approach this issue, she can email me.

I agree with Kobra Khanoom

I think Kobra is right about her advice. There is no reason to make a big deal about sex and have this illusion that you should be romantically involved to have it. Get this thing out of the way and all of a sudden you see everything far more clearly.

Hmmm..

Dear Khobra Khanoom if i misunderstood what you worte I apologise. I dont want to nit pick but .. I will since you like a good disagreement!! ! 

However before I write anythng more I want to say thats  its good that you were able to clarify the point. I think it was confuing as it was all in the same paragraph which began with 'now this is what I think you should do....' and ended with '....now get out there and get laid. .

Ok my views are likely to be a little like the 'psycho babble' you refer to ....this is my job and I can not avoid it easily. However there is a place for everything in this world of ours including a professional view that has years of working with  human emotions and behaviour... such as myself! The point I am trying to make here as I did on your other blog is that the person with the problem will hopefully consider all views and in the end make their own decision. So therefore it seems reasonable to assume that more perspectives are a good thing ..even if they happen to come from a some one like myself.

I happen to agree with you that sometimes good old friend advice can be just as helpful and avoids the lengthy time involved in therapy, i.e it gets straight to a point. But surely there is room here for all views. When my friends ask me for advice, I dont offer them therapy!

One final comment .. Cammile  Paglia might feel empowered each time she takes off her clothes infront of a man ... good for her who ever she is! It doesnt mean that all women will.

And we have male view from Mazloom! He obviously thinks what you seem to have suggested, and what I seem to have misunderstood,  is a good idea. But he would !!!!!!!!

best wishes

Javaneh

I hate Iranians who so

I hate Iranians who so pathetically imitate the most precocious of Americans:

"Taking your clothes off in front of a man becomes easier with each date!" Take your clothes off! Have sex! Fuck around! Screw your soul...Screw your values! Screw your dignity! Screw your respect....Just take your clothes off and jump to bed and you'll see how easier it will become as you're gradually turning into a whore!

Seriously!

What the hell kind of advice is this? This is the kind of thing you'd never hear from a real specialist. This is not professional psychotherapy or anything like that; it's feminist babbling. It's the kind of thing you'd hear from those bitter feminists who think that fucking around is the best way to get back at men or reach equality.

I envy the bastard!

I whole heartedly agree with you on this one. I envy the first man this woman has sex with after going without it for so long. Go get her, you lucky bastard.

seeking clarity

Javaneh khanoom,

I usually never comment on my own posts or writings but this time you got me really wrong. I did not say she should sleep with each date. Re-read what I wrote. I simply said each time one dates dating becomes easier and with each taking off of one's clothes infront of a man the act of undressing becomes easier. This was an answer to a woman who claimed it was hard for her to interact with men in a romanitic context. I happen to believe that sex has curative powers and I echo Camille Paglia in saying that each time a woman undresses in front of a man she is empowered. Your kind of advice sounds too much like the "psycho-babble" on American talk show t.v which is exactly what I am trying to avoid here. This woman needs to discover or re-discover the fun in having sex before she becomes romantically involved.

Thank you for reading my blog and keep commenting. I love a good disagreement.

I have a different view

Khobra Khanoom with all due respect I have a different view. I didn't agree with your suggestion to the man who misses his wife either, which is why I posted my response on your other blog re healthy discussion and this time I strongly disagree with you.

This woman has been out of relationship for 10- 11  years... she is therefore likely to be a little vulnerable in the dating scene. She has avoided men all this time .... first she needs to learn to feel comfortable with them again.

I agree she should take things slowely and not get involved with any one person immediately, maybe go out on a few dates with a few different guys and she will get more relaxed as she gets used to being with men in this context but sleep with them all!!!! Really im not a prude but I honestly dont feel this is good advice. Are you serious? My hope is that you are being deliberatly provocative.

My other advice to this lady would be to start off by going out on a date with someone she knows a little and/ or  with another couple.  

The fact that she is thinking differenlty about herself and what she wants for her future is enough. She will start giving out the right signals now and really should only do what she is comfortable with, stage by stage.

Taking off her clothes and jumping into bed with each date could leave her damaged and confused.

Javaneh