Why are Women Unhappier?


Kobra Khanoom
by Kobra Khanoom

I have revived Kobra Khanoom’s advice column because the older I get the more ups and downs I experience, the more like her I become. So if you need a naneh to help you with a problem ask Kobra Khanoom and she will try her best to answer your question. It is, after all, up to you to listen. Email me at MsKobra@yahoo.com

Question: Do women need more love and attention than men? Too often I see wives who look sad. They are worn down and you can see it in their spirit  and body language. Is it lack of love and sex? Is it repetition of  daily activities? Is it the inevitable product of long-term  relationships and ageing? What can these women do to lift their  spirits?

Kobra Khanoom's Answer: Funny how I am starting to get some more philosophical, rather than the usual personal, questions. This one from a reader sounds better suited for a women-studies college essay. But I am addicted to answering questions so let me give it a shot:

I think that if you look carefully you will see the same signs of fatigue and low-spiritedness in men. Only men feel more responsible for their own happiness so they tend to hide their disappointment with their lives. Women blame men, men blame themselves.

Men think their pleasure is their own responsibility while women expect to be handed it on a platter. Women need to learn to seek their pleasure. That I think more than any qualitative factor is the difference and why you see more unhappy women than men. Women are also just freer to show their unhappiness and feel less responsible for it. Men, poor things, still tend to hide their feelings.

I think also often people are unhappy because they expect too much from their lives. This comes from a certain arrogance that we Iranians particularly share. We think we are so smart, so great that our lives should be better. We think we deserve better than the rest. It is a sometimes productive but mostly paralysing sense of entitlement that Iranian woman especailly possess. I think men and women can be happier if they expect less, spend more time trying to satisfy each other and take the persuit of pleasure more seriously. No one is going to just give you a good time you have to plan for it and work at it. Most important is to approach one's own goals, life, happiness and need for pleasure with a sense of humor. Who says life has to be "happy". I will settle with "interesting".

Kobra Khanoon


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This is too broad a generalization

by Alborzi (not verified) on

Part of the problem is "westernization", the Iranian women (and girls) enjoyed a certain family and social status. Marriages were arraigned and there was some stability in social status. Today (both here and in Iran) a much different environment exist. The traditional society is all gone (in fact if anything the Iranian women here are more traditional than the ones in Iran), however the Iranian women still remember how their parents lived and their values. This will all disappear in the next generation (except that they are doomed too
they are neither American or Iranian)

Rosie T.


by Rosie T. on



Misery Loves Company - Big Picture

by TheMrs on

With the changing of women’s roles in modern society, men’s roles have changed too. Men are still chained to jobs for 40 years, as they were before. They are still fathers and husbands, as they were before. Only now, they are expected to participate more with household chores and diaper duty! But at the end of the day, the addition to their work load is easy to adjust to and most men seem to have dealt marvelously with this shift of expectations.

For women it’s a whole different story. We are still mothers and wives. We still do most of the household chores (look this up please, statistics are clear). But now, the economy depends on our full participation. So we are chained to desks too! The difference? “Society” hasn’t adjusted to the shift of expectations on women. Even though women have moved into the work force, most Western cultures are setup to keep women at home.

How you ask? Maternity, Health care and child protection laws are still way behind what a modern family needs. So women are trapped between home and office.

Maternal or home care duties are very important. Sometimes, I even think too many women neglect their natural responsibilities in order to earn a buck or two. But at the end of the day, my opinion doesn’t matter. The reality is that women are usually expected to work but the “chaahaar choob” of society hasn’t evolved enough to support working families the way it should.

The result? Women earn less pay than men, soaring rates of post partum depression, divorce on the rise, eating disorders, sexual confusion, Hurried Woman Syndrome (this is a very common and very nasty one) and so on. The human body can only take so much stress. And since men are caught in this oppressive web too, they end up being just as uninterested or fed up.

We have to get better health care. Better & affordable child care. We have to sit and decide what we want as a society and where we want to go. Sexual revolution doesn’t stop at earning the right to vote. Did you know that in North America, the rate of mental disease is approximately 1 out of 5! Do you expect these people to be happy?

There’s also something to be said for fat and lack of exercise and chronic dehydration these days. What is up with tabagh tabagh ghab GHab? If only people drank more water, ate less, ate better and exercised more often, so many things would be easier. Find out what makes your pickle tickle. How do you have fun? Do fun things. Every North American city has a web site. Check out what’s happening in your community. Just have fun.

And I hate to say this…women need to get in shape. Why are so many women so horrible looking? No one can say anything because it’s rude and can damage fragile egos. But my God, baby weight isn’t supposed to still be carried around 5 years later. Make up ladies! A decent amount never hurt anyone. Homeira might be out but for heaven’s sake brush your hair and put on some lipstick. Cotton shorts, t shirts and sneakers should be burned. Soccer moms don’t actually run to the field and start playing soccer do they? Wear some heels for my sake. Men want attractive partners. If they become uninterested, they let themselves go too. And who wants to “unkar” with fat ugly slobs? “E” “U”.

But I have to admit, foreign women, such as us, are in much better condition than North American women. So we have that going for us. GHorbooneh khodemoon.

Speech Over


I don't mind at all

by Nadias on

 I have learned to simply not do punctuation at the end of certain sentences

The calligraphy of my name was done as a gift  by one of my Iranian friends living in Iran

solh va doosti/paz a vosotros/paix et amitié




Jahanshah Javid

Side note

by Jahanshah Javid on


When you use Farsi words in your text, the publishing system will always assume the entire text is in Farsi and automatically right-justify. That's why your comment looks off. It would be best not to mix Farsi and English. But if you don't mind the way it looks online, go for it.

Jahanshah Javid


by Jahanshah Javid on

Very interesting observation: "Men think their pleasure is their own responsibility while women expect to be handed it on a platter. Women need to learn to seek their pleasure."



by Nadias on

Some of these women put their family first all the time and neglect to set time aside for themselves. It can be draining to be all and almost do all for one's family. It is important to set aside some "me" time a couple of times every week. Things as simple as having a manicure, pedicure, going to the salon and updating her attire, can do a lot to cheer up the woman. The husband also benefits from seeing his wife even more attractive

She can also take classes in areas of interest to her to renew that spark. If she did not complete her university studies then going back to the university will help her feel self actualized

The reality is that we can not expect to find complete fulfillment in our spouse. It is too much of a burden for one person

solh va doosti/paz a vosotros/paix et amitié