Iranians in Psychotherapy

voooshhhhhhh

Cheghade man harf zadam!

I'll shut up now

-YT

Del

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-YT

It sounds to me like

It sounds to me like Capitan is committed to his obligations. The rest is all self rationalization. He knows whta he wants but he doen'st want to after it because of aberu and family and all those noble things. He's justifying it by going so far as planning the other woman's future for her. And he seems so nice.

Anyone else wants to be psychoanalyzed, please email me, I promise to keep it platonic. Ugly or fat men need not apply. Under the age of 35 please. If your not intellectual with a sense of humour, bikhialesh.

Dear capt-ayhab

Thanks for responding.  You sound like a wonderful man.  I am usually not in the habit of giving people feed-back/suggestions, unless they ask for it.  But I feel compelled to tell you, that this relationship does not seem to be over. Your emotional attachment to this young woman sounds very strong.  

Your story reminds me of the story of a young man whom I worked with several years ago.  He and his wife came in for marriage counseling.  He, too, met someone on-line, started chatting with her, first publicly then privately,  soon phone numbers were exchanged and he went to meet her at a different state.  His wife found out  and asked for a divorce.  The marriage survived but it took a lot of hard work and soul searching on both parts to gain insight into their issues both as individauls and as a couple.

Thanks again and good luck to you.

Dear cap-ayhab

Thanks for sharing such intimate information with us.  I wonder if you know, what persuaded you to get into an on-line romance.  I hope you do not mind me asking you. 

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P/S

Ms. Dadvar

Excellent article, thanks for sharing it.

-YT

time to confess

I nearly ruined my life, hurt many people along the way, by having the mentality that cyber romance is harmless, since the other party was 1000's miles away.

It did start as innocent as it could be, met her on line, at her tender age of 20. Started with her need for consultation about school work and and seemingly innocent need for a [fatherly figure] and  ended up with 3 broken hearts, shattered life, verge of divorce and disgrace.

Who do I have to blame? NO ONE but me. After all, when you play with fire, one should expect to get burned, and burned I became. Would I do it all over again with [HER]? Did she satisfy my most basic and deep instinct of being loved and being her center of universe? Do I mean to say I was not love by my wife?

May be

Yes

No

Just remember,  It is so easy to get burned, and burn everything in the path.

-YT

Flying Solo

Thanks for your raw/real response.  Actually, I do not believe that having an affair ends the marriage.  I believe, the reason for having an affair might lead to sepertion/divorce.

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Flying Solo

I asked what is the answer? 

Of ourse I not only respect your opinion , I happen to agree with you.  I definitely do not mean that people should totally avoid any sort of relationship with anyone on line. When on-line relationship, replaces what you should have with your significant other, then you need to pay attention. 

If the on-line relationship is not a reflection of some underline issues, individual or couple, then there is no harm in it. I believe, I have begun to establish such relationship, eventhough, I have only been with iranian.com for 2 months. 

Souri Jan

Both you and F/S are right.  Following are few examples of couples turnning to excessive use of internet:

1) A man who is afraid of getting too intimate with and/or attached to  his significant other, might turn to internet to dilute the intensity of his feelings, in order to alleviate his anxiety/fear. 

2) A woman who is angry about not getting enough attention and affection from her husband might also turn to internet to meet her needs.

3) A man or a woman who feels trapped in an unhappy marriage, but feels too insecure to leave without having an exit-relationship.

There are other reasons for couples to turn to internet . Instead of critiziing/blaming each other and/or themselves, they need to be curious and actively search for the solutions that can meet their needs in a healthy and effective way.  In my opinion, turnning to internet is not one of them.   

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Hi Flying Solo

Dear Solo,  if you read the first paragraph of my blog again, you will see that I agree with you.   I do not believe that on-line relationship is the problem ("culprit") . I believe, it is a symptom of something more serious when it becomes harmful to you and/or someone you are in a relationship with.  If it does, then it might be an indication of unresolved individual and/or  marital difficulties.

As I mentioned, this has been written by Andrew Levander.  I looked at the Bibliography to ascertain the validity of the statistical information. I did not have much luck.  However, as a marriage counselor, I can tell you that about 30 to 40 percent of couples complain about excessive usage of internet by their spouse, and  10% reported significant disruption in their relationship.   

my 2 cents

I second Flying solo, for saying that "Unhealthy marriages unravel in a myriad of manners".

If a marriage is broken (for any reason) that marriage was not meant to last, anyway.

It is true that, internet, has brought many new outcomes into today's life. Many process has changed. All kind of interaction between people, from the business habits, to the emotional interaction, all has been going under tremendous changes.

The cyber-relationship, is something very healthy in my opinion. Many couples suffer from lack of communication and emotional satisfaction in their relationship. In the past, when this was happening in a couple, it would result in adultery, with no other alternative.

Nowadays, with the progress of the cyber-space, people can find their needs satisfied by interaction with others, without going trough breaking their commitment to their partner.

The multi-dimensional aspect of human being, is something more complex to be bottled in a "one single relation" with just the only person you are living with.

If someone likes to share his political views while their partner are not interested to the politics at all, what should they do? Do they have to discard with political interests for good, or do they have to divorce, because their partner can not satisfy this particular need?

I think as Flying Solo said here:

" We are all adults and responsible for our own actions."

The rest, is story.

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