Multiple Personality Disorder

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On that fateful day in July 2009 nothing of any significance happened to me personally, so let's move on to another day.  Oh yeah! On this day, December 20, 2010 something really big happened in my life. Through a third party person [is that correct grammar?] I have received an email from the office of magham'e moa'zam'e rahbari, the Supreme Leader, the magnificent, the shepherd of us all sheeps (I know, plural of sheep is sheep, whoever, I think when we have Abadani sheep, Azari sheep, Baluchi sheep, Kurdi sheep, etc sheep...  I should be allowed to say sheeps) in regards to wearing of Islamic neck-ties.

The question presented to the magnificent Supreme Leader was: "Is that ok to wear an Islamic tie?" (bold text is by me in this blog and not in the email exchanges) A reply was immediately dispatched to indicate that they were in receipt of the inquiry, and an answer was coming shortly, or otherwise to contact them again with a given reference number (Istifta’ no.: 8 x x x x). Well, further contact was not needed, because today there came an answer. Here it is:

Bismihi Ta`ala
Salamun `alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu
One should avoid spreading foreigners' culture.
With prayers for your success

To me, coming directly from the office of the Supreme Leader, this means a direct order by vali faqih to "avoid spreading foreigner's culture". Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you; you the magnificent and benevolent shepherd of us all sheeps , because clear up to the moment I received this email I was a lost sheep, but now I've been found. I was a sheep and I didn't know any better. Here it is. It's all clear now:

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the meaning of culture is "The set of values, conventions, or social practices associated with a particular field, activity, or societal characteristic."

By its own admission, and according to the Supreme Leader who is the head of the Islamic Republic of Iran, the Islamic Republic of Iran is an Islamic country, so ‘the set of values, conventions, and social practices’ that are associated with the Iranian society is Islamic, which is a foreign culture. The prophet of Islam is a foreigner, ‘a person who is from a country that is not your own’, the language of it is a language that people from a country that is not yours speak. Its customs, dress codes, laws, code of conduct, rules and regulations, they are all from foreigners. Iranian Muslims are forced, by a set of foreign rules, to face in the direction of a foreign country to do their daily prayers. They are forced to avoid eating Iranian pigs, but at the same time they are encouraged to gobble up meat from foreign lands (if the animals are slaughtered in accordance with a set of foreign rules). Also, we have a lot of foreigners in high positions in the Islamic Republic of Iran; Larijani brothers, Ali Akbar Salehi, Mohammad Reza Naghadi, Seyyed Mahmoud Hashemi Shahroudi,... They are all foreigners, or act like foreigners (more like aliens).

So anyway, I ran out of steam, and my 500 words is up, but I'll conclude (since they wished me success): 'Thou shalt avoid wearing foreign neck-ties, or speakth the Arabic language' (but I must speak English, I'm forced to do so). I'll eat ham, because a certain group of foreigners tell me not to do so, and oh yeah, next time I get laid I'll make sure, sigheh nemikonam.