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The dead are not dead
26-Feb-2009
Is it just me or does it seem like Islamic Republic of Iran (also known as IRI) has embarked on an ambitious project to educate its dead people in universities? I'm not kidding ladies and gentlemen; let me explain why I think IRI has embarked in such a project, something that has never been attempted by the most sophisticated countries in the world.
I think the first step of the project got under way when Hojjat ol-Islam Ali-Reza Panahian declared that the dead were not dead. This is exactly what he said, "...martyrs are not dead and should not be seen as one of the dead." I understand that “martyr” is a loaded word, but hear me out. This word should not make any difference in what I want to explain here because first of all dead is dead, whether it is martyr or not. Then it's customary in Islamic Iran to use martyrs for any kind of bull shit they want to achieve, be it creating the world's largest ostrich meat sandwich or university education.
So, according to Hojjat dead is not dead, and that I guess should've been more than enough to shut up any opponent of the project. A debate was not needed after what he said, and so the first step was achieved successfully by his holiness’s undeniable Islamic scientific words alone, and that was the end of that. So then the next step in educating the dead was to enter them into universities; never mind elementary, middle, and high schools. As far as I know there is no dead people buried in any pre-university schools in Islamic Iran yet, unless in religious schools, which in that case we have a whole bunch of dead people buried in those schools, but we are talking universities here. So I think Hojjat must have said skip lower education and get them right into universities, which makes a lot of sense since we have too much brain drains draining out of Islamic Iran, and he must have been concern about it. Also, he must have said never mind konkoor; the dead need no konkoor.
But, as I remember it correctly, bypassing konkoor to enter universities has never been possible without a written permission from the most supreme ruler of the country, and, as I remember it, in Shah’s time this was only possible by the orders of Shah himself since he was the supreme leader of the country at that time, as I remember it. But since he is no longer with us (may he rest in peace in Egypt), this ambitious project must have needed the new supreme leader's permission, and as one avid writer always says, voila the Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, also known as Ali geda (Ali the Beggar) gave his written permission for the project in a public statement proclaiming that "...he was grateful for, and appreciative of…the wisdom and committed action…” of those who have embarked on this ambitious project, that is to say he said go ahead and enter the dead into universities right away.
So then the conspiracy theorist in me tells me that the next step must been to actually bring the dead to actual universities, and according to Fars News this task was also accomplished successfully when “…bodies of five…were moved from Tehran University and buried in Amir Kabir University…” I think it's apparent that those dead bodies were not doing any good in Tehran University and had to be transferred to another university. However I think as it is the norm in these circumstances in Islamic Iran some, so called, uneducated students who know nothing about Islamic scientific ways, who were too pissed off about how hard they had to study for konkoor, set out to disrupt this Islamic scientific endeavor by staging protests. But I think the more scientifically oriented hezblollahies were able to convince them, with help from some scientific instruments such as knives, batons, and knuckle dusters, that the dead were not dead, and most likely starting next term they’d be sitting right next to them in university classes and getting an education.
I think IRI is hoping one day they can use the dead Amir Kabir Polytechnic University graduates to achieve their nuclear goals, because that’s their inalienable right.
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No, I didn' t forget the comma. When you have a series of
by rosie is roxy is roshan on Sat Feb 28, 2009 11:04 AM PSTitems, the comma between the penultimate and the final one is optional. For example, the following two sentences are both correct and neither is considered more formal than the other:
a} She served soda, cookies, and chrytal meth.
b} She served soda, cookies and chrystal meth.
Now, in analyzing my sentence:
(S)he should invest his/her considerable critical faculties in registering and submitting articles and blogs on grammar, spelling and Tolstoy.
we see that I have simply chosen option b.
I assume that that the "missing" comma after spelling is the one to which you refer. If it is not, please let me know and I will break the sentence down for you.
just f'ing wi/my own head dear just f'ing w/my own head. i spent eight years writing sheets like this for students. years no aeons in another lifetime that ended just over one year ago.
Rosie - grammar
by I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek on Sat Feb 28, 2009 08:58 AM PSTyou forgot the comma after and in your post!! I'm always nervous in MPD's blogs. His grammar is better than mine, yet he gets that critic. Maybe critic says things because he or she loves. As in ballet, if the coach is shouting at you and yelling at you, it means they think you have potential and good work!
I explained very clearly to Literary Critic that (s)he should
by rosie is roxy is roshan on Sat Feb 28, 2009 06:09 AM PSTinvest his/her considerable critical faculties in registering and submitting articles and blogs on grammar, spelling and Tolstoy. Perhaps (s)he is busy writing hem.
thank you empeedee
by I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek on Sat Feb 28, 2009 04:59 AM PSTwonder where literary critic is? we are having such a great english lesson without him or her. Thank you MPD for the nice things you wrote about me, marge, and mrs. trebek :)
Bathos?
by Multiple Personality Disorder on Fri Feb 27, 2009 10:47 PM PSTBathos = “an attempt to perform in a serious, dramatic fashion that fails and ends up becoming comedy.”
I’m not a professor of English, or Greek literature, so I take your words for it that somewhere in the literature bathos means an excessive overly sentimental pathos. So, then O.K. I like your bathos alsos.
Empathy
by Multiple Personality Disorder on Fri Feb 27, 2009 10:52 PM PSTEmpathy = being on same wavelength, being there for someone
O.K. I agree with you there.
IKEA = a place where I was chased by a lunatic! I tried to get away but I ended up where I began! Last time I checked they did not have those hand rings stocked up yet.
IHACOAT = not a "a good spy and a shitty blogger", but an Intelligent, Humorous, Audacious, Creative, Original, and Talented person
ah! i thought it was latin...
by rosie is roxy is roshan on Fri Feb 27, 2009 07:21 PM PSTfor some kind of breakfast cereal.
it is persian for
by I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek on Fri Feb 27, 2009 05:50 PM PSTyou are a good spy and a shitty blogger.
What does i hac oat mean? oh and empathy..
by rosie is roxy is roshan on Fri Feb 27, 2009 05:34 PM PSTactually is "pathos" while bathos MPD has three meanings, I find. The one I was familiar with and thinking of below was an excessive overly sentimental pathos.
Bathos. Surely this cannot have been completely lacking from the entire collected works of Rosie T. aka This Ticket Valid One Way Only aka Rosie is Roxy is Roshan aka me. The entire collected works. I'm compiling them now you see.
Bathos.
MPD.......empeedee
by I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek on Fri Feb 27, 2009 05:11 PM PSTsounds like "empathy" ......
my acronyms sound like IKEA..... we're back to the beginning. What happened did you get those great rings?
Marge,
by Multiple Personality Disorder on Fri Feb 27, 2009 07:37 AM PST.
.
I just realized your name's acronym is IHACOAT (I HAC OAT). That's just amazing.
But anyway, Fars News is a great source for comady.
RIRIR,
by Multiple Personality Disorder on Fri Feb 27, 2009 08:40 AM PSTBathos? what bathos? Well, I can't think of any at the moment. Maybe you wrote one but I thought it was a satire and didn't make anything elseos out of it.
haha! do you know what I realize about FARS news?
by I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek on Fri Feb 27, 2009 05:19 AM PSTIt is very close to fox news, farce news, faux news ....... that should make fox news proud.
my bathos.
by rosie is roxy is roshan on Fri Feb 27, 2009 04:12 AM PSTmy bathos.
But of course
by Multiple Personality Disorder on Fri Feb 27, 2009 03:29 AM PSTNot only I like your jokes, but also your pathos, ethos, logos, photos, and your videos. Did I missos anything elseos?
But..
by rosie is roxy is roshan on Thu Feb 26, 2009 10:30 PM PSTwhat about my pathos?
RIRIR and SAM
by Multiple Personality Disorder on Thu Feb 26, 2009 10:15 PM PSTThank you so much. You're the greatest, and I enjoy both of yous humor also.
MPD jaan: the mullahs and the pasdars want to turn all iran into
by Shazde Asdola Mirza on Thu Feb 26, 2009 09:55 PM PST... a big giant graveyard. That was the vision of their damned leader, Khomeini the sadist murderer!
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
by rosie is roxy is roshan on Thu Feb 26, 2009 08:29 PM PSTnow thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat was a knee-slapper!
touche, my dear.
Thank you Azarin
by Multiple Personality Disorder on Thu Feb 26, 2009 08:14 PM PSTI can’t connect to that link either, which was of a few pictures of a Hezbollahi grabbing a student by the hair and beating him up with his fist. If I find it again, or another one, I’ll post it later.
Lol!
by Azarin Sadegh on Thu Feb 26, 2009 07:36 PM PSTDear MPD,
Your blogs and comments, for sure, are the funniest on Iranian.com! I really like your dark and sarcastic style! Azarin
PS: BTW, I had some trouble with the last link...