Multiple Personality Disorder

Iran, a reflection: I confess

Everyone knows I’m guilty
I confess
I meant well,
but I’m a sinner never the less 

To the Supreme Leader:
To our beloved founder,
Our Master,
I confess
I’m an old teacher and a taxi driver
with a bad bladder
I'm also a party-goer
An opium smoker
A tweeter
A booze drinker
A complainer
To our beloved leader,
I hope you’ll become an Imam
Sooner than later
My sincere confessions I offer
I became an agitator
Friday Prayer,
I haven't gone there since last year
Instead I became a Bahai supporter
I confess my sins without a lawyer
I'm not a liar
I stole from the coffer

To President Ahmadinejad:
Your Excellency,
I confess
There was no conspiracy
Fair and square you won the presidency
Please have mercy
I promise
I'll never again drink Zionistic Pepsi
I'll never again say your wife is NOT sexy
I promise
I'll never again call you a monkey
A chimpanzee
Your Excellency,
Have mercy
I'll never again hang my degree inside my taxi
I'll never again talk about democracy
I now believe in your halo
Halo; halo; halo;
I can see your halo
Standing in light of your halo
halo; halo; halo
I can see your halo

And, Holocaust I now deny
The Jews didn't die
It was all a lie
In the ovens they DID survive
It was all a lie, lie, lie

And, Imam Zaman will appear soon
Out of his time-and-space cocoon
In the middle of one afternoon
No one then will laugh at your cartoon

To the Honorable Prosecutor,
I confess
If you ask me questions, I will answer
I’m a hacker
I sleep with a hooker
But, I'm also in love with Burt Lancaster
I met him in Manchester
For him sometimes I get a boner
Other times I’m just a jerker
I know how to speak English
That makes me an spy for the British
Instead of “Roses of the Prophet Muhammad” I ate Danish
For ten years I spied for the Kurdish
Then I became politically greenish
But my beliefs were rubbish
I was foolish, childish

To judge of the court,
I make it short
Green movement I no longer support

To the people of Iran:
I confess my guilt to those who’re concern
I’d like to say
I have a wife
but I also lived with my mistress hooker in sin
I gave her my sperm
I was frequenting an illegal cavern
And I loved all things Western

I had a plan
To overthrow the big man
When it failed, to the Turkish border I ran
Thank God I was caught
To Kahrizak Prison I was brought

They didn't treat me badly
For lunch they gave me hamburger with Islamic Pepsi
Every afternoon they gave me a cookie with coffee 
The place was a beauty
 No one was pushy
I didn't lose my sanity
With clear mind I want to confess
I'm not under stress
I'm guilty
Yes,
Guilty as I confess

I don’t want to be whipped, certainly
I hate stoning, undoubtedly
I hate to be hanged by a crane, admittedly
I hate firing squads, surely

I want to live, badly