Rendd

Captain jan, Dear Sir,

I am not feeling guilty but I see my share of problems. Blogs like these as Nur said is part of deepening those emotions to get to the core.

Thank you very much for your kind comment and your care for your hamvatan.

Shaad basheed!

VPK jan

harkeh dur mand az asl-i-khish

baz juyad ruzegar-i-vasl-i-khish

Whosoever fell away from the the source of themselves

Should seek the day of re-union with it

-- Mowlana

Without waxing theoretical or getting into longwinded philosophical discussions, we are here to learn the nature of being. Being includes both separation and union, unity and multiplicity, male and female, light and dark, and every other contrary and paradox. If we realize (or, rather, remember) this fact in whatever personal context that emerges for us, then we have each ourselves answered the question of our personal "why."

Find the happiest day in your life. In your mind strip that day of any external content, data or circumstances, but keep the feelings and emotions around it fully focused within you. Explore those feelings and emotions. Meditate on them. Deepen that meditation and keep deepening it every day a little more. As you get deeper and deeper into this, at some point you will realize something  incredibly precious that will answer all your questions as to why, making you see like you've never seen before showing you that both happiness and sadness, depression and elation, contraction and expansion, within yourself are all part of the same continuum. This is your true Self, and this is what we call suluk (wayfaring), and in a sense it is your own personal return to the Garden of Eden!

--

The other reason, from a practical, autochthonous point of view as to why modern human beings are becoming more melancholic, depressed and alienated from life, is because we have increasingly detached ourselves from Nature and our Mother Earth. The ancient Zoroastrians believed that the Earth is an Archangel and the Mother of humanity. They called Her Spendarmat (Avestan) and Esfandomorz (Pahlavi) on whose behalf it was a duty for all the righteous to fight for and to whom prayers and libations were offered daily. Right now is the month of Esfand and this is the month traditionally sacred to Her. Perhaps a key for all of us out of the collective emotional rut is also to remember our Mother and so return to Her bossom and take better care of Her, because Her destiny is literally ours. 

Ya NUR

Nur Jan

People who are fragmented, alienated or unwhole (which unfortunately includes 99% of human beings everywhere in our times) by definition cannot have anything but fragmentation, alienation and unwholeness.

I agree with your statement about 99% of the people. But I often ask "why"? How is this that so many people including probably myself are out of touch with ourselves. Why is this so and how did it come to be. I have read the various religious explanations but they don't make sense to me. The Zoroastrian explanations make more sense to me than any others but I am really not sure.

I have found your posts to be pretty intelligent and informative. Therefore I would appreciate your point of view. 

Thank you,

VPK

Mr. Rendd

I am neither a marriage consultant nor have the same bitter experience as you  are going through now. But I am very well familiar with [feeling guilty] for things that might not have been under my total control.

What I am trying to say dear sir is that feeling guilty  is the worst disservice you can to yourself. There are events in life that are not under our total control. So as long as you know that you have tried everything in your power to save your marriage should be able to sooth your soul, as hard as it might seem.

Needless to say that I do hope you do not think that I am trying give you advice. I assure you that this is not my intention and I hope you would forgive me for sounding as such.

Best wishes sir

-YT 

Veiled Jan, Nur Jan,

I think you both are right. I think being in peace with yourself is the super-set in which the subsets such as spouse, kids, country, and friends go under. As Molana Rumi said beautifully, chon the sad aamad, navad ham peeshe maast. (When the 100 comes to us so does the 90). Do you think there might be a relationship as such between inner truce and outer one?

VPK

The only true relationship is the one between yourself. Not between you and your ego, mind you. But between you and your true self. Everything emerges from that. People who are fragmented, alienated or unwhole (which unfortunately includes 99% of human beings everywhere in our times) by definition cannot have anything but fragmentation, alienation and unwholeness. Your inner world is literally who you are and thus how the world occurs to you. Transform that, and your world transforms as well. If enough people did that in our world, we would all be returning back to the proverbial Garden of Eden.

Ya NUR

Re: Is there any formula

the only true relationships are the one between you and:

• Your children
• Your family
• Your nation: Iran
• Your friends

They are nourishd by love and not lust. You must always look to Iran to find true happiness. They come from "khod gzashtegi". Khosbakhti comes to those who put the happiness of others above that of their own: words of Ashu Zartosht,

Is there any formula

for a successful relationship?

Thanks CoP jan,

God bless your heart and your wife's. I might need some lessons from you for my next endeavor. I am totally fine. As a matter of fact since I was a teenager it's the longest time I have lived without a women in my life and I am devilishly enjoying it.

After work when I go back to my room I find everything in place except my food in the fridge since I've got a huge roommate who is always seems to be on the verge of sudden starvation.

Thanks brother! Thank you very much. You don't know how much these comments mean to me.

Veiled and Marge jaan,

I've got some personal stories too. I never believed in Hollywood love. That's as Marge said is lust. Also as she said again, the true love is painful. I've seen couples go through so much trouble to save the marriage when accidents, sickness, job loss and so on happen. Can we say those guys are lucky? I don't believe in luck. I never did. When I think about these stuff it saddens me and that's the reality.

So it is very natural that people who can't comprehend these they escape to alcohol, music and son on. I never believed in those stuff also. I don't mask my pain, I don't escape from it, I am trying to watch it until it naturally heals. That's why maybe it's taking me longer than usual to heal.
I go through these divorce sites and reading stupid stories of people. I am sorry to say that but I allow myself since am in the same sh*t hole but, I tell myself, god, these people don't get it. They align themselves right into the next divorce because they rush, they mask, the escape.

I got a grandpa who was a hardworking farmer he never took pills for anything. Never used glasses, had all his own teeth until gone and that was over 105.My dad said when my grandma was pregnant for one of my uncles/aunts (sorry don't know which one they are too many) and the chances of her survival was dim he went to the roof of his mud house and screamed at GOD, that if you don't save my wife and her child I'll come up there and give you one of the worst veggies you have ever received since he was religious that was his worst profanity. (kheshtaketo ro saret mikesham).No joking, he was dead serious and the man I know and saw, he would find a way to get up there.

I think we have lost the courage to fight for our marriages, men and women. If men try a little more than usual this mundane society got a nice collection of labels to stick on your forehead. If women try, they are labeled with different sorts of labels and psychological disorders.

We have also being temped with the greener side of the fence thinking other people are happier than us since they have larger fake smiles on their faces.

As far as I know the causes of divorces can be many, but rarely they are real reasons.

Rendd jon

I'm sorry to hear about your experince. Although it won't be the end of the world, I imagine it cannot be easy. Thankfully, I've been married to the same wonderful woman for over 27 years. In my mind, the key to a good marriage is for both partners to be able to compromise. Unfortunately, human nature is not programed for that, specially in societies where men and women are somewhat on equal footing. I understand that now even in Iran the divorce rates have gone up. Fact is that if you cannot rectify the situation, then it is best to sever the ties than to live in misery.

Hang in there, it'll get better.

CoP 

____________

IRAN FIRST

____________

.......

This is a great blog.......I enjoyed reading every post......very thought-provoking! Thank you, everyone!  Thank you!!!

sincerely,

Most of this love is lust anyway - pwr of postive thinking crock

People just refuse to acknowledge the difference. It's OK. The illusion of love is so fun that it's tough to realize. 

Love is actually very painful. More generally, we're constantly being sold a bill of "empty happiness." I'm so sick of this "power of positive thinking." Where has it gotten the world?! Nowhere! 

Face reality and enjoy life for what it is - small pleasures. The sad thing is that this self-help "the secret" crap is catching fire in Iran too.  

Don't believet the media tells you about "love"

Well said. The Western media pumps people with their idiotic idea of love. Oh if you don't have their idea of love then your life is meaningless. There ia a lot more to life than this.

Your family; your nation; your passion to contribute; art; all of these have great meaning. So what if someone breaks up. Or so what if someone is not partnered. Let me write about two people I know.

One I met here. Her husband left her with two kids. Instead of taking care of her kids she became obsessed with getting a partner. She failed as a mother to her children. One day they left her and went to their father. She finally found some guy. The man turned out to be mentally unstable and now she has to take care of him.

Another was a woman I knew in Iran. Her husband died and left her with two kids. She went to work as a live in nanny. She raised her kids and was loved by her kids the family where she worked. When she got old the family bought her a house and she went off to retire. She never got a partner but I respect her 100 times more.

and of course

There is always self fullfilling concept of being complete and feeling complete. That'll happen after the dust settles
Thanks Marge and Nur

Rendd jan

The honor is all mine. Rock on, brother!

Ya NUR

Don't believe what the media tells you about "love"

There is a serious problem in the West in terms of love and how it is marketed. Love is not essential. You may never fall in love, so what? You might fall in love, great! There is so much to experience during this short time. We have to cherish every single day and hour. Cherish your son.

Congratulations on your recent successes. I hope you have many more! Your life is in a transition. You will settle and find happiness. I know a man who let himself be destroyed by his divorce. Even the simplest tasks are impossible for him because after his wife left, there's no point in doing anything..... house work/landscaping/cleaning the gutters. It's ridiculous that after 10 years, he can't move on. Don't be like this! Enjoy the smallest pleasures for what they are. 

Even in our culture we make too much fuss. Take it day by day, and keep writing. It's the best therapy. 

Veiled jan,

I am with you brother. One good thing this divorce did for me is that, it made me a much mature person who has a much deeper undrestanding about life and especially people who live it. I am sorry you went through the same thing. Divorce is a forgotten sub-culture that you never know it exists until one day you trip and fall into it. It is amazing how kind people get when you fall. I am truely truely grateful that I don't have to carry the dead body of my marriage on my shoulders. I am finally free. Thank you very much for your support. Long live brother! A long and a healthy life. Thanks!

Dear Marge

Thanks for your kind comment. You don't believe how well things are working out for me. I am in the state of shock. I got my dream job, moved to a much better state which has a lot to offer for an outdoor person like me. It isn't lack of modesty if I tell you I am a fun person to be around with and how many beautiful people in spirit and face have surronded me. I am truely grateful for that. No complaint but I am afraid I never fall in love again. Having relationship is easy finding a person who truely loves you is another story. At this point I know I have a son whom I am ready to die for but he lives far away from me where I can't see how he is growing up. He is my copy and I miss him soooooo much.

Rendd

it will all pass believe me. I got divorced some years ago. It was pretty bad the first six months. Specially after I found out she had been cheating on me for months. Not physically but mentally. Mostly on the internet and phone chats. To add to it we have a pre teen daughter.

By chance I discovered some of the email content. I have been around but even for me the stuff was shocking. I tried to save the marriage at first to no avail. It felt like it will never get better. 

But it did! After the first six months things improved. My mood got brighter. I realized that I deserve better than a cheater. My relation with my daughter never suffered. She knows who was at fault and never blamed me for a moment. Now I have the best of both worlds. I have a loving daughter but no cheating; nagging wife !!

I could not be happier in my personal life. I suppose a Democratic Iran would make my day but in my normal life I am fine. 

What is important is to let go. Do not hang on beyond a point. Sure try to save it but not after you know she is not interested. Do not let others dictate your happiness. 

You are not alone! Divorce is devastating

You're not the first, and you're not the last. This is a devastating experience, believe me I know. I hope that you can wake up one day and say "No more." You have to start all over. It's a rebirth of sorts. 

Good good luck to you, my friend. Don't wallow and don't listen to too much acid rock. Just my tips. Get out into nature A LOT. Being in a forest everyday will do wonders for your health and spirit. 

Nur!

I feel dumb that I didn't ask you about your avatar way earlier when I noticed it in your other posts.

Shine on brother!

It was an honor speaking with you.

Wow!

again I am speechless........:o)

Rendd-i-'aziz

It is a sigil or calligram I designed following an Ayahuasca experience I had back in early 2007. I call it the Calligram of N.U.R. With the circle there are in total 28 elements within it (which is the numerical value of my first name). The calligram conveys the notion of Light upon Light (nur 'ala nur). There are also nineteen points with the final, which can also be counted as the first, being the dot below the letter ba' that is in reference to an esoteric hadith attributed to 'Ali (i.e. "the whole of the Qur'an is contained in the Fatiha, the Fatiha is contained in the nineteen letters of bismillah, the bismillah is contained in the letter ba', and I am the dot below the ba'") and the notion of the First Unity. The letters alif and nun represent the Divine in the station of Oneness (ahadiya) and in the station of the Highest Archangel-Cherub (al-nun). With alif and nun the two ra's of nur spell out the word Ibn (son) whose numerical value is 53 which is equivalent to Ahmad. The concept of Ibn al-Nur/Son of Light is found in Zoroastrianism, Ancient Egyptian solar cults, Gnostic Christianity, Jewish Hekhalot mysticism (in reference to both Elijah and Ezekiel), Western Hermeticism, in the teachings of the Shi'ite Imams (as) as well as in Suhrawardi and in the writings of the Bab and Subh-i-Azal.

This calligram conveys in a nutshell my spiritual lineage with its basic symbolic teachings. It is to me both a talisman and a personal coat of arms.

Hang in there, brother. If at any time you need someone to talk to during this difficult time, drop me a line...

Ya NUR

Nuri,

Well done response to the inner marriage inquiry. If I may ask, what your avatar stands for? It's a mystery to me.

Actually

Nur-i-Azal,

I have read Hafiz, Rumi, Saadi among many other Persian poets. However, much is lost in translation.

If I was to immerse myself in Persian culture then I would gain a better understanding of the concepts that you  speak of.

Thank you for your well thought out reponse to me.

solh

PS: I did read Dante in high school. Perhaps I should read it again as an adult. As my life experiences and perspectives have greatly changed.

Latina jan

That clarification is replete within all of Persian mystical literature. Read a poem from Hafiz sometime. Basically my comment to Rendd means to find the inner Woman that is his own soul and marry it. In esoteric alchemical literature in the West, and especially the Greek Mysteries, this is called the Hierosgamos (the sacred marriage). There is nothing external or this worldly mundane about such a marriage, but it is nonetheless real (in fact more real than the external data and happenstance of the world out there). It is as such beyond the vicissitudes of this world and it is a marriage that lasts forever!

I also point you to Dante and his Beatrice who, while an actual physical person, was also for Dante just a cipher standing for his own One Eternal Woman who he wed within himself at the conclusion of Paradisio in his Divine Comedy. In Medieval and Renaissance Europe there was a whole movement amongst the troubadors known as the fideli d'amore/the leiges of love who worshipped only the One Woman and who all were independently married to. 

Nuri, brother, you shined

I am with you with the concept of inner marriage. As I recall it took centuries to let the catholic church figure it out. Annulment what they call it now, saying the marriage that ends in divorce was not a marriage in the first place since there is no divorce in a true marriage.

However the inner marriage is much deeper concept I imagine beyond words. What a beautiful concept. Thanks brother for shining your light.

Thanks!

Thanks Latina,

for the beautiful videos and the lyrics. I am not dwelling on any thing at this point. Life goes on and it's taking me with it. We are nothing in the vast sea of life to resist its forces unless one is hooked to an strong post to stay safe from the stroms ahead.

Thanks again!

Nur-i-Azal

Very profound comment. Only I got lost in the following part:

"Consider also that your external world divorce might be a process in your internal inner world marriage -- and once that marriage occurs there is never any divorce."

Clarification please?

merci