Elderly Iranian arrested during London Riots

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Roozbeh_Gilani
by Roozbeh_Gilani
15-Aug-2011
 

Soho Gazette:Iranian born Mr. Nick Pendari, a resident of golders green region of London was arrested last night during london riots after smashing the windows of a soho sex shop, whilst screaming "Allah o Akbar, Khamenei joonam rahbar", stealing large quantities of ladies glamour underwear and various cylindrical shaped sexual tools, all 10inches minimum in lenght.

On his arrest, Mr. Pendari was actually wearing most of the stolen underwear, and hiding at least one of the cylidrical sex aid tools inside one of his body orifices.

According to the arresting police officer, PC. Ramjit Patel, Mr. Pendari did not resist arrest, although he angrily referred to PC Patel as a "zionist agent", promissing retributions outside Tehran's british embassy, by "muslim students", due to his "unjust arrest for being just a good muslim on this holy month of ramadan", after PC patel refused his offer of an on the spot sexual act in return for his immediate release.

Talking to our reporter, inside the living room of their golders green flat, located above madame chang's oriental massage paradise, sitting underneath a large pink poster of khomeini and arrafat passionately hugging and  kissing, Mr. Pendari's live in lover, Mr. Sholomon Goldenberg, expressed his utter sadness of Nick's arrest. He said: "I have known Nick since his arrival in London in 1979. In fact I was the immigration officer who granted Nick his assylum, on grounds of him being a Homosexual card carrying member of SAVAK". "I and her have been living together for over 32 years now as husband and wife". Mr Goldenberg aded with a smile; "He calls me Jamal and I call her Jamileh. Often, during our nightly "romantic hour", she dresses as a shia lebanese belly dancer, and me as late egyptian dictator jamal abdulnaser.". On other occasions, Mr. Goldenberg added, "When Jamileh demands me to  be rough and a bit humiliating on her, she likes to call me "Fredy". But my jamileh, added Mr. Goldberg, with tear in his eyes, is essentially a good girl. This whole change in attitude started about a year ago, when she stopped receiving what she refferes to as her old age pension checks, from the Iranian embassy in london due to zionist inspired economic sanctions"

The case will be heard at Soho magistrate courts next friday, immediately after the Eftar.

 

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more from Roozbeh_Gilani
 
Anonymous Observer

Nicely done!!

by Anonymous Observer on Tue Aug 16, 2011 08:07 PM PDT

Great read and extremely funny!!!  It also applies to the rest of the "crew" you know--even the ones who don't live in the UK.


  •  
Siavash300

Interesting literature, thanks

by Siavash300 on Tue Aug 16, 2011 06:44 AM PDT

It is more funny that Goldberg is jewish last name.


  •  
Reality-Bites

Excellent stuff, Roozbeh jaan

by Reality-Bites on Tue Aug 16, 2011 12:24 AM PDT

Still can't stop laughing, hehe.


  •  
vildemose

 Dear Roozbeh, here is

by vildemose on Mon Aug 15, 2011 07:50 PM PDT

 Dear Roozbeh, here is "Q".

//iranian.com/main/member/q

"There is enough in this world to meet every man's need but not every man's greed." --Gahndi


  •  
Masoud Kazemzadeh

hilarious

by Masoud Kazemzadeh on Mon Aug 15, 2011 07:23 PM PDT

Roozbeh jaan,

This is hilarious.

Thanks


  •  
Mash Ghasem

...

by Mash Ghasem on Mon Aug 15, 2011 08:18 PM PDT

Appreciate the critical sentiment concerning Left's past. But me thinks the question might be a bit off. Not sure if Khoshdel himself would pose it like that.

The question of worth on an individuale level comes back to one's life and the resources one is able to create (social, personal), as long as you're not six feet under, it's worth it. As far as the movement's mistakes and limitations of the past, and the present: the query by nature needs to be a bit more specific and concern conceret issues.

Didn't realize you were such a Khoshdel reader. Maybe  a blog on him and his comrades? some call them the Undefeated Ones, Shekast Nakhordegan.


  •  
Roozbeh_Gilani

Thanks for the link.

by Roozbeh_Gilani on Mon Aug 15, 2011 05:05 PM PDT

Yes, I know of "majid Khoshdel" quite well. What are your thoughts on him and his writings?

 I like reading his and few others like iraj mesdaghi. To me they are very important people, Left wing political activists of pre_revolution who survived khomeini's massacre. To that end they can and do share their experienec on political ideology and it's implementation, with todays generation. I read selectively though. Some of the writings  can border pessimism and defeatism to an uneducated person. But one must remember who the writer is, one who put his money where his mouth was. One who dedicated his entire energy, youth, life and intellect to a cause. One who could  rightly questioning was it all worth it??

"Personal business must yield to collective interest."


  •  
Mash Ghasem

...

by Mash Ghasem on Mon Aug 15, 2011 04:25 PM PDT

Found the site I was looking for. This is a rather interesting site, let me know what you think of it?

"اما اگر شما به نیروهای امنیتی رژیم نگاه کنید، می بینید، آنها در آغاز تجربه اطلاعاتی بالایی نداشتند. اما در سال ۶۰  تمام
اطلاعاتی های زندانی ی زمان شاه با حکم استخدامی آزاد شدند. مثال می زنم:
من در سال ۶۱ در زندان اصفهان بودم. در آن سال تمامی ساواکیها و ارتشی ها
آزاد شدند، از جمله آخرین فرماندار نظامی اصفهان، به عنوان مسئول آموزش
بسیج استخدام شد...

* اسم اش چی بود؟

- «جان قربان» که از اعضاء ساواک بود...

* اینها را شما چطور می شناختید؟

-
در سال ۵۲ اطراف خانه ما به مدت سه ماه محاصره بود. تعدادی از این افراد
به طور شبانه روزی در محل بودند و ساواک هم روزی یکی دو بار به آنجا سر می
زد. یکی از گروهبانها که به ما خبر می داد؛ آقای [...] بود که اینها در سال
۶۱ زندانی بودند و تمام آنها با حکم استخدامی آزاد شدند.

//www.goftogoo.net/index.php?submenu=&id=180


  •  
Roozbeh_Gilani

Dear vidldemose, the only "Q" I know of

by Roozbeh_Gilani on Mon Aug 15, 2011 04:13 PM PDT

 was James Bond's boss. He was i am sure a product of British "public school system", and all the inherent sexual confusion. So yes, you could well be right. 

Rafigh Ghassem; yes SAVAK agents and collaborators, the ones not executed at the onset of revolution or did not scape to the west, I have no doubt followed their career into islamist regime's etelaat ministry. I have no detailed information on how many of them were Gays with a particular attraction towards Jewish man though...

"Personal business must yield to collective interest."


  •  
Mash Ghasem

Couldn't stop laughing,

by Mash Ghasem on Mon Aug 15, 2011 04:03 PM PDT

The rough action part is so accurate! Kudos

On the serious side, I was just reading an interview with an activists from Isfahan who personally knew of all these Savak agents jailed with them in Isfahan, and released to work with Basij. This is from back mid 80's he says.


  •  
vildemose

 I'm wonderin if Nik

by vildemose on Mon Aug 15, 2011 03:57 PM PDT

 I'm wonderin if Nik pendari is related to our infamous Q entity?

"There is enough in this world to meet every man's need but not every man's greed." --Gahndi


  •  
Roozbeh_Gilani

A True love story....

by Roozbeh_Gilani on Mon Aug 15, 2011 03:49 PM PDT

I will be certainly following Nick and sholomons ordeal, as this brave example of UK's Muslim LBGT community is processed through British so called Justice system, during this holy month of ramadan.

But here , the latest , shocking twist to Nick's ordeal:

Royal borough of Chelsea and kensington Gazette: Mr. Nick Pendari, a prisoner at Soho police station since last night was this morning rushed to a private ward at London's  Queen Mary Hospital, after going into a coma, 15 minutes into his  hunger strike in protest against the inhuman treatment he had been receiving at the hands of Mossad trained london police, for no other reason than being a Muslim transexual. Doctors report his conditions as being just fine, after consumption of two full courses of chelo kabab soltani, washed down with few bottles of doogh.

I for one will be praying for Nick, after my eftar tonight....  

I like to thank all of you dear friends  for reading and commenting And of course  any similarities in this story to any user ID's shahid or alive, is purely co incidental.


 


  •  
divaneh

This is hilarious

by divaneh on Mon Aug 15, 2011 02:33 PM PDT

You are a very talented satirist Roozbeh Jaan. Your excellent piece for some obscure reason reminds me of an annoying person who used to comment here with the name of Comrade.


  •  
Faramarz

Great One Roozbeh

by Faramarz on Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:20 PM PDT

You completely got me!

I was going to comment on the Nicolas Pendranikos name, but then I got the drift! 


  •  
All-Iranians

روزبه جان

All-Iranians
Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:02 PM PDT

طنزی که به واقعیت بسیار بسیار نزدیک است. روزبه جان بسیار بسیار تشکر کلی حال کردیم


  •  
vildemose

 Awesome...Great satire

by vildemose on Mon Aug 15, 2011 10:55 AM PDT

 Awesome...Great satire with a punch!

"There is enough in this world to meet every man's need but not every man's greed." --Gahndi


  •  
Anahid Hojjati

OMG, i was not even

by Anahid Hojjati on Mon Aug 15, 2011 10:51 AM PDT

thinking of our own resident IC commentator. This makes it even funnier.


  •  
anglophile

Roozbeh jan

by anglophile on Mon Aug 15, 2011 10:47 AM PDT

Your clue was in the first line: Mr Nik Pendari is not a Londoner :)

  •  
Anahid Hojjati

Hilarious blog

by Anahid Hojjati on Mon Aug 15, 2011 10:34 AM PDT

You wrote it with such an straight face; as if this is an expression :), that even after few lines, I thought this actually happened.


  •  
Cost-of-Progress

ha ha ha?

by Cost-of-Progress on Mon Aug 15, 2011 10:43 AM PDT

OK, but this mirrors reality

____________

IRAN FIRST

____________


  •  
Raoul1955

LOL

by Raoul1955 on Mon Aug 15, 2011 09:19 AM PDT

I am laughing so hard.  :-)


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