"... و مهدی آنقدر از مسلمانان ظاهری میکشد، که تنها ۳۰۰ نفر بر جای میمانند!"
اولی: حالا ما از کجا بدونیم که تو امام زمانی؟
آقا: هر سوال مناسبی که خواستید بپرسید تا جواب بدم.
دومی: یه کیلو آهن سنگین تره یا یه کیلو پنبه؟
آقا: البته یه کیلو آهن.
سومی: زکی، آقا رو باش ... هر دو هم وزنن!
آقا: نخیر، یک کیلو آهن سنگین تره، چون حجمش کمتره و وزنش در هوا بخاطر نیروی ارشمیدس کمتر کاهش پیدا میکنه.
اولی: ارشمیدس دیگه کیه؟
آقا: دانشمند یونانی بود که بعد از این اکتشاف، از حمام لخت بیرون جهید.
دومی: پس اونهم مثل تو کس خل بود!
آقا: نخیر، اونهم مثل من از زمان جلوتر میرفت.
سومی: خوبه، خوبه، نمیخواد حالا واسه ما پز بدی. اگه راست میگی، بگو که من دیشب شام چی خوردم؟
آقا: من فقط میتونم به سؤالات شما که جنبه راهنمایی، بهبود زندگی و رستگاری آخرت داره، جواب بدم. نمیدونم دیشب شام چی خوردید.
اولی: برو بابا، اینکه نشد حرف. اگه راستی راستی امام هستی، با این کفترها حرف بزن و راضیشون کن تا بیان وسط میدون جمع شند.
آقا: من زبون حیوانات رو بلد نیستم، فقط برای ارشاد آدمها اومدم.
دومی: زکی، ۱۲۴ هزار پیغمبر اومده و نتونسته ما رو آدم کنه، حالا خدا تو یه علف بچه سیاه رو فرستاده؟
آقا: ارشاد به گفتار، پندار و رفتار نیک تحقق پیدا میکنه، نه با معجزه و شعبده. حتی خود پیغمبر هم بجز پیام آسمانی، اعجاز دیگری نداشت.
سومی: اگه راست میگی، بیا مچ بندازیم، ببینم که زورت به من میرسه یا نه!
اولی که حالا کاملا حوصلهاش سر رفته، از پشت با مشت میکوبه پس کله آقا. آقا هم با کله میره تو حوض وسط میدون. مردم شروع میکنند به خندیدن و قهقهه زدن. اولی که یه بسیجی عصبانیه، هفتیر شو از زیر پیرهن رو شلوار افتادش در میاره و به طرف آقا نشونه میره.
اولی: بچه پر رو، یا زودی بگو که گه خوردی و شپش امام زمان هم نیستی، یا همین حالا مغز تو میترکونم!
آقا به دست و پا میافته و آهسته میگه: ببخشید، اشتباه کردم ... ولم کنید.
سومی غش غش میخنده و به قهقهه فریاد میکنه: آهای ملت ... بیایید و این امام زمان الکی رو ببینید!
آقا از زمین به آرومی بلند میشه و لباسشو مرتب میکنه. مردم بیکار و لختی، چاقوکش و باج گیر، جیب بر و کیف زن ... دسته دسته از راه میرسند و آقا رو دوره میکنند.
جماعت دم میگیرند: حاجی فیروزه، بعله ... سالی یه روزه، بعله ... حرف دیروزه، بعله ... کونش میسوزه، بعله!
پسر جوان سیاه پوست مضطربانه به چهرهٔ خندان و مشتهای گره کرده جماعت خیره میشود؛ سپس با اکراه، دست توی جیب کتش کرده، و جعبه کوچک سیاهی را بیرون میآورد.
دومی: موبایل شو در آورده، تا به ننه جونش زنگ بزنه!
اما آقا دکمه روی جعبه رو که فشار میده؛ یه اشعه لیزری ناگهان تمام منطقه رو روشن میکنه، و همه جماعت رو از پا در میاره.
زیر لب میگه: درست پیش بینی کرده بود ... تا همه شونو نکشی، باور نمیکنن.
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شعار طرفداران خامنهای در موقع ظهور امام زمان
Multiple Personality DisorderMon Jul 25, 2011 07:13 AM PDT
.
امام زمان فتنهگر است
رهبر ما عزیزتر است
Come and burn our Winter of Discontent: ya Imam Zaman!
by Shazde Asdola Mirza on Sun Jul 24, 2011 09:32 AM PDTI had overlooked one comment down below (VPK: Imam Zaman), which talks about the origin of this sort of savior to be from the ancient persian zorasterian trandition. Just wanted to say that the wish for an ultimate savior has a very deep psychological root in the humans' Discontent with Civilization. It is really a yearning for all to collapse, so that we can become one with the nature again.
As Rumi talks about alienation from our true selves; anyone who is cut and taken away from his roots, yearns and aches to be reunited with that basic and original truth (i.e. the natural way of being). Civilization takes us away from that nature and makes us aliens, living outside the natural earth. But it instead provides us with extra food, safety and pleasures. However, our true natural self wants nothing more than a free and natural life, and therefore, subconciously hates and considers civilization to be a prison. Even in a 5-star prison, most prisoners want to one day become free and be reunited with their roots ... so they collectively dream of the day that all walls would fall down.
This concept of savior, combined with the end-of-time and the collapse of civilization, is present in almost all cultures; with one narrative or the other.
دیوانه جان
Shazde Asdola MirzaSat Jul 23, 2011 11:46 AM PDT
I prefer the idea of a savior, who wouldn't even crush an ant in his life. It sends a much better message to its followers, and much better chance of salvation for the world. It is so easy to kill and destroy, but so much harder to build and give life and hope.
//iranian.com/main/2011/jul-17
All Iranians: I don't know about the 12th Imam's dog, but ...
by Shazde Asdola Mirza on Sat Jul 23, 2011 11:41 AM PDT... fully remember that the remainder of ass-washing water (Aab Tahe Aftabeh) from Khomeini's toilet was taken by his Revolutionary Guards (Sepah) as holy water for sprinkling over their sick family members or even selling to others!
قربون لیزرش
divanehSat Jul 23, 2011 09:33 AM PDT
اگه این داستان راست باشه من هم امام زمانی میشم. ما که از دست اوباش ذله شدیم، یا مهدی شتاب کن. دستت درد نکنه شازده جان، داستان قشنگی بود.
آیا سگ امام زمان پاک است یا نجس
All-IraniansSat Jul 23, 2011 08:47 AM PDT
شازده جان آیا سگ امام زمان پاک است یا نجس
جواب شما برای تکمیل بررسی سگ ها و آدم ها
//iranian.com/main/blog/all-iranians-23
مناسب خواهد بود. تشکر
By the way, the IRI regime
by vildemose on Sat Jul 23, 2011 08:16 AM PDTBy the way, the IRI regime does not hate anything more than the concept of Human Rights, because they fully subscribe to the forceful Islamist creed of "surrender or die.
Spot on...you're on fire dear Shazedeh...lol
پیغمبر چادری خراسان
Shazde Asdola MirzaSat Jul 23, 2011 08:11 AM PDT
Well said ... people should be free to live their lives and beliefs ... as long as they don't use violence to force other people, and rob them of their own Human Rights.
By the way, the IRI regime does not hate anything more than the concept of Human Rights, because they fully subscribe to the forceful Islamist creed of "surrender or die".
Shazdeh
by Veiled Prophet of Khorasan on Sat Jul 23, 2011 07:54 AM PDTWell thank you. There are times we agree and times we disagree. I am all for freedom of religion. As long as it is not forced on me. For example if people want to fast that is fine. But if they attack me for eating on Ramadan that is not right. Similar things about concepts like hijab. If a woman wants to wear a head scarf fine. But they may not tell my daughter she has to put it on as well.
Imam Zaman
by Veiled Prophet of Khorasan on Sat Jul 23, 2011 07:46 AM PDTIs a direct theft of the "Savior" idea from Zoroastrianism. In Sassanid Zoroastrianism there is the concept of "Saoshyant". The Shia simply took it and Islamized it. Nothing more than it.
I never thought that I would say that, but ...
by Shazde Asdola Mirza on Sat Jul 23, 2011 07:48 AM PDT... you may be partially right!
However, as non-believers, we must protect the rights and freedoms of all the non-terrorist believers of any religion.
Re: "Peace between Islam and"
by Veiled Prophet of Khorasan on Sat Jul 23, 2011 07:40 AM PDTIslam means submission. It does not mean peace as some claim. Anyone with minimal understanding of Arabic knows this. You get "peace" when you submit. Or you get violence or at best be a second class citizen.
Hence there is no possibility of peace with Islam and non-Islam. Unless you submit to either being a Muslim or their lordship over you. No way they will treat you as equals. So there.
That is why there will be a struggle until one side wins. On one side is Islam the other non-Muslims. The Muslims have numbers on their side but most of them Muslims live in poverty. Backwards and uneducated. The real danger is from PC liberals in West.
"Peace between Islam and
by vildemose on Sat Jul 23, 2011 07:33 AM PDT"Peace between Islam and non-Islam is meaningless. Islam is always at struggle with the non-Islam. If they surrender to the rule of Allah, that is fine. Otherwise, we can never stop our Jihad."
Interesting quote. thanks.
مش قاسم عزیز
Shazde Asdola MirzaSat Jul 23, 2011 06:33 AM PDT
Yes, this Emam Zaman is very Old-School.
Nothing like the Bahai's who was even incapable of killing ants!
Ari jan, thanks
by Shazde Asdola Mirza on Sat Jul 23, 2011 06:18 AM PDTIf it wasn't for your funny Yellow Emam Eye Test, this little tale would have stayed in the bottom kitchen drawer too. I love the iron-vs-cotton question, which can be stated and spinned in so many different ways: mass vs. weight, etc.
حسینی جان، لطف دارید
Shazde Asdola MirzaSat Jul 23, 2011 06:14 AM PDT
Yes, it in general is in line with the ideology of Islam (surrender or die). Islamist thinking is such that it cannot accept any form of discussion or disagreement. It is: "either I defeat you or you defeat me". Therefore, as Khomeini also said:
"Peace between Islam and non-Islam is meaningless. Islam is always at struggle with the non-Islam. If they surrender to the rule of Allah, that is fine. Otherwise, we can never stop our Jihad."
Mirza strikes again
by Mash Ghasem on Sat Jul 23, 2011 01:10 AM PDTMe never thought you went back ten years to 18 Tir, my hat to you sir, new found respect. Though, this emam zaman looks sort of a US Marine type: smile at every one in the room and have a plan to kill all if needed.
Shaolin priest Emam Zaman
by Ari Siletz on Fri Jul 22, 2011 11:17 PM PDTGreat story! Has the same type of payoff as those Kung Fu movies where the peaceful David Carradine lets himself get beat up, then suddenly kicks bad guy ass. Can't wait for the "Kill Bill" version of Hazrate Masoomeh.
Cool scene with the iron and cotton argument.
Well done Shazde
by ahosseini on Fri Jul 22, 2011 10:59 PM PDTThis is more compatible with the line of thought of Khomaini and hard-line
followers.
It reminds me of two speeches, I personally heard, made by
Ayatollah Khomaini.
1. when he was asked to explain justice in Islam, he went on and
on about aspects of laws of retribution, things like cutting hands, stoning to
death, giving slashes of whip, etc.
2. In an occasion, during Iran-Iraq war, the leading army generals
went to see him to tell him that the next battle involves big columns of army
crossing a desert with no defense at all and that the spokesman said it is
unlikely that even one will manage to make it to the other side. His response
was "Enshallah shahadateshan mobark ast"
Enjoyed it very
by vildemose on Fri Jul 22, 2011 06:58 PM PDTEnjoyed it very much...thanks.
این داستان الهام گرفته از یک قصه ۱۰ سال پیش است
Shazde Asdola MirzaFri Jul 22, 2011 06:38 PM PDT
Dear Friends: thanks and more thanks.
I read this Emam Zaman story, in the context of the suppression of the Iranian students movement some 10 years ago. At the time, it was reported that the student writer had been imprisoned for daring to write an emam zaman story. In his version, the emam is also a "nice guy", but unlike mine, it is he who is killed by a stupid and violent hezbollahi.
If you recall that story (no longer than 2 pages, in persian and titled something like "encounter at night") please let everyone know. I want to make a mention and give credit to that poor imprisoned student, but have lost too many brain cells to recall his name.
Excellent
by M. Saadat Noury on Fri Jul 22, 2011 06:06 PM PDTThanks.
بچه پر رو، یا زودی بگو که گه خوردی و شپش امام زمان هم نیستی
ImtheKingFri Jul 22, 2011 05:50 PM PDT
ایول شازده! ترکوندی که شب جمعه ای
جای دوست کجاست؟
FaramarzFri Jul 22, 2011 05:44 PM PDT
جای دشمن کجاست!
اینجا!
مرسی شازده جان، یاد خیمه شب بازان و معرکه گیران خیابان های تهران افتادم!
Hmmm...
by Mehrban on Fri Jul 22, 2011 05:30 PM PDT***