Divorce!

Dear "zendegi430",

My life experience says:
Better end with terror than terror without end.

Here baba read for yourself

Here baba read for yourself maybe it helps. Khafe kardi maa ro!

//www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/04/29/marr...

Zendegi Jan

It would be so easy to sit and give you free advice, yet I won't be the one having to make the decision, nor would I be the one to have to live with the consequence of the decision. So please look at my comments NOT in form of an advice, but in form of trying to touch your soul, and present you with QUESTIONS that you might have been afraid to ask yourself.

Divorce could be a salvation from a hellish life, or it could be[az chaleh dar omadan va oftadan to chah]. For a man who has been married for close to 3 decades, who has come real close to divorce more than once. Who, is the one to blame for 90% of faults[myself], divorce presents a failure in life.

Failure of NOT being able to make a relationship to work. Failure of letting petty matters wedge between the hearts and souls ever so slowly. Failure of NOT seeing it coming, failure of taking the partner/hamsar/lover for granted.

These are the issues that would scare me sh!tless IF she ever was to divorce me. It is not the possible loneliness that would scare me, for I know I can have the prettiest and youngest girls ever imaginable. What would scare me would be years of investment in mutual life. Years of pains, happiness, sweet and bitter memories that will haunt me.

What would pain ME will be the LIFE we made together, hell with the physical house, I will be petrified of not having the same HOME to go to. Uh sure, she will find a suitable man, as will you, as sure I am of me or your husband of finding a cutie to keep us occupied. BUT is that enough reason, enough motivation and enough justification for divorce?

Look deep inside your soul, You owe it to yourself to seek happiness and contentment in your life. You can NOT make anyone else happy IF yourself are living the life of misery and pain. Look within your soul for what you want, and not in the words and free advices of likes of me. Once you rediscover yourself, finding and having him back will be easy. As you are lost in your pain and doubts, as you are exhausted with petty fights and arguments, so is he. 

Then who can help you two better than yourselves? Who is more qualified than you two to make such an assessment? Remember one thing, He is your MOST intimate partner, and you are his. Invest on some changes in your BEDROOM activities. Remember, love without a good and satisfying sexual relationship will witter and die, and vice versa.

Love and sex compliment one another , and one can not survive with the other one. IF you are still attracted to him sexually, then use it  to get closer. Intimacy is a great gift to couples.

I do hope I have not stepped over my boundaries for I do not want to be giving any advice. I am merely sharing my own experience.

Respectfully

-YT

Bitter divorced man and I

Bitter divorced man and I seem to be experienced in this department. Except my view is that of a woman who divorced in her early 40s with 2 young kids.

What drove me to that decision was (i) he was irresponsible, (ii) I didn't feel any love for him and was bored in the relationship, and (iii) I was capable of financially taking care of myself and my kids. But I have to say the decision took 2 years in the making. Do I regret my decision; not once.

My boredom was because we had no common goals and desires. He and I thought very differently about where we wanted to be 15 years from now. I thought I didn't want to grow old and unhappy like all (and I do mean all) of my mom's friends. I didn't want to live a lie. That generation calls their marriage a marriage. Not according to my definition. You probably know what I mean.

Being divorced is not easy,but it is worth the freedom you feel. I don't mean freedom to screw around. No, I mean freedom to follow your dreams and be hopeful and not think you're stuck somewhere or that someone is holding you back.

No person other than you can make this decision. So, I suggest instead of asking your friends and family, look within and follow your heart. Generally speaking, your marriage will not get better over time. So can you be happy if you retained status quo.

You wil learn so much more about yourself during the process of divorce. It will eventually make you into a far stronger and wiser person. There is a price to be paid for this (the hardship) but I think its worth it.

You will know when...

Yes, there is a definitive point, a precise moment in your marital relationship that you will realize that you are no longer able to continue with the charade, and I‘ll tell you when that moment is in a moment, but first, by “alive relationship”, you mean to say “viable relationship”, because you might live to be ninety and he might be ninety-seven, still alive, and your relationship still alive, but you might have gone through a life time of misery. So here it is, right now your relationship is still viable, the fights you have is part of nature, the way we are made. You fight for awhile and you have make-up sex afterwards, which is more pleasurable than regular sex. It’s nature’s way of making sure you’re fit enough for survival. If you’re not fit enough to stand the heat just get out, nature is telling you. That’s what the animalist essence of you is telling you, but the psychologist will try to mess with your head and tell you it’s something else. Never the less we are not purely animals, we have complex feelings, social structures, contractual agreements, and things like that, so you’ll go on for a while till that one day that will, or might, come that you know for sure that it is over with. But, when is that?

There was a time that I did not understand why some people could not stand the site of lizards. I myself was not really too fund of them, but I wasn’t fearful of them either. I had seen geckoes on the walls, ceilings, floors, and places like that and never felt any phobia towards them, till finally one day I was doing some yard work when I saw this hideous looking lizard that like it I had never seen before. When I saw it the most primitive fear took over my entire body. I was filled with disgust, and that was the first time I learned how people who fear lizard must feel.

In your relationship with your husband there comes a specific time in your life when all your love turns into hate, and you can feel it just the way you felt it the moment you fell in love with him. After that moment when you hate him, if you ever make love to him again it’ll be just the way I saw that lizard that disgusted me so horribly. And, that’s how you know, but don’t you give up and don’t you fear that lizard until you get to that moment.

And yes, I’m so glad that I’m divorced now. Don’t let my name fool you; I picked that name because of all the crap she put me through, but there came a time in my life that I couldn’t sleep with that lizard anymore.

And, if you’re writing these blogs to pull our legs that’s O.K. too. I’m sure someone will benefit from this.

best time

I have never been married, but I think the best time for divorce would be about 6-8 weeks after the honey moon. Do it before the friendship is gone and that way you can stay as friends. The more time passes the more boredom kicks in and fear of loneliness and stigma will keep you away from making the right decision.

There is no such a great and happy life after divorce either, but at least it might be less stressful.

Based on the above, I never got married. I am a man.