TREATISE

When you are accused of rigging an election and disenfranchising millions of people of their right to vote for whichever asshole that you and your asshole friends have personally vetted and approved as per your religious, political, and ideological criteria, what do you say? On the surface, it’s an outrageous claim that is, fortunately, easy to counter. If I were Khamenei or Ahmadinejad or Khatami, I would just say to the people that there is no way that I rigged the election results, for the simple fact that the process by which the very candidates up for election were selected was our way of cheating the general populace; what need is there to defraud above and beyond this? Wouldn’t I have cheated enough the first time around by not allowing any women, non-Shi’a Muslim, secular or otherwise unacceptable people to run for president? In this context, a rigged election would be nothing short of ridiculous.

However, assuming that we did cheat again…

The kind of people who would cheat their countrymen of a legitimate political process twice over would be lacking any kind of principles whatsoever, save the principal interest in power and all things tied to maintaining it. If I were an Expert on the Assembly, I could only laugh if such an accusation were leveled at us. How could God’s government on Earth possibly be dedicated solely to the consolidation of power at all costs, including disregard for God’s basic command, to respect fellow human beings? It is incompatible with Islamic thinking for such a situation to exist in the IRI.

Nonetheless, if we were possessed of such guileless power hunger…

Then logically, we would have positioned ourselves to be in sole control of the economy, military, educational system, social welfare programs, mass media, and all other significant societal institutions that endow power and privilege. This cannot be, since rivals share power: Rafsanjani controls the economy, Khamenei controls the military, and Ahmadinejad is dishing out the social welfare programs in the form of potato sacks and government checks around voting time. Clearly there is a delicate balance of authority in the Islamic Republic, which demonstrates the diffuse distribution of resources and capabilities across the social strata.

But if we did rule and run the country like absolute despots…

Only the most cowardly and unworthy rulers would beat, maim, and murder the young, beautiful future of the country. No such event has taken place in Iran. The student dorms were in disarray following illegal parties, the videos of beatings and shootings are outtakes from old Iranian action films, and Neda was shot by either Karroubi, Mousavi, or one of their supporters in a staged plot to defame the image of the IRI, Allah, and myself.

And if we’re nothing more than thieves, thugs and murderers…

Only one real option would remain. We would have to be overthrown by the people of Iran. They would have to find ways to organize, both through militancy and peaceful resistance, and they would start to apply pressure wherever there is room to give. And if there was no room, they would have to carve it out of our beards, robes, and military gear. But this will never happen, because Iran has seen its last revolution, and people like things the way that they are.