Racially Isolated


John Am
by John Am

I really hate to write a blog that is comprised of such negative thoughts.  The truth is that the majority of my time I am so happy that there is not enough hours in the day to work and study.  The only time I have to write a blog would be when I feel so sick that I cant function to do the things in my life that matter.

I'm Tehran born, raised in States.  I love my country(both). 

I have been the victim of several racially motivated attacks.  I first created this account in august but really didnt think it would add much substance to this site to talk about something so sad.

This may be a shock to some people but in some parts of this country that are not as diverse as say NY, or CA,  every one of middle eastern decent is blocked into as Arab.

This new years eve I was once again an innocent victim.  After the incident I told the freinds I was with that I didnt want to have anything to them even though they werent the ones that directly harmed me.  One of them was the only girl that I have met in the past three years that I thought was interesting, smart, and beautifull.

My real problem is that I cut and run from everyone.  The only people that I have trusting relationships are with a handfull of childhood friends.  Anytime people put me under risk,  anytime someone makes repeated stupid decisions around me I force separation untill there is no longer any contact. 

Jealousy, hate, fear and the dreadfull combination are evident in these simpletons minds.  The repeated extremes have started to take a tole on me psychologically.

I'm extremely motivated in my financial pursuits and dont want to allow anything to stop me much like all Iranians.  I am having problems deciding if its justified to cut people from my life for not living up to my standards of integrity.   The key to success in many things in life is balance.  When is the risk of balance worth the reward?

Being this minority,  being alone, and being a kind person leaves me vulnerable to attacks.  It seems like people know that the cops aren't going to try very hard to catch criminals that commit crimes against people of long middle eastern names and noses.  That may not be true but the only justice I get is justice I take.

Counsel appreciated.




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Nazy Kaviani

Dear John

by Nazy Kaviani on

Heeh! O.K. Actually, the part that I did really understand clearly was that she is your girl friend and not a romantic interest, all the more reason to rescue the friendship! Your problems aren't petty, John, but you are right to recognize that there are truly unsolvable problems all around us, making us feel really helpless by comparison.

Anyhow, I hope you have a good day tomorrow. Goonight!

John Am

I dont want to be Holden Caulfield

by John Am on

Watching the video of the students at Shiraz reves up my thouhts and emotions.  This was the first time I had seen that.  I cant imagine how unproductive I would be in the other areas of my life which require so much mental concentration after spending time thinking about innocent people struggling.

 For what its worth I dont watch TV or really do anything besides work, study, music and art.  What if instead of entrenching myself in my work and studies I spent time watching stuff like that.  Would I not be Holden Caulfield?


John am jaan

by javaneh29 on

I always feel sad when I hear about incidents like this, I think we can all relate to these kind of experiences, no matter who we are and where we come from and no matter where we live, PPl will always find a reason to discriminate,

I don't think its weak of you,  actually I think it demonstrates strnegth. So often ppl forget or accept because as you say it's worse in other places and we don't want to make complaints, but these things are not relative, the experience is still very real and painful.

I think sometimes its worth trying to educate ppl rather than cut from your life altogether. Only you can decide who is worthy of your time and effort. I usually give ppl I care about a second chance but only when their comment or action is  out of ignorance and I mean that there is a deficit in their understanding or a lack of knowledge applies. But I do understand your motivation for cutting them out of your life.

I am not iranian, I have lived there and also experienced something similar ie I am english and was always referred to as american and the assumption was always about loose morals. That used to upset me. One guy I worked with asked me 'how many men have you slept with' and at 18, newly married I was deeply offended, However I took the time to explain to him that not all western girls have loose morals etc. A while later he explained to  me he had told his wife about our conversation and they invited me and my husband to dinner and we became good friends, So sometimes there can be gains too.

I wish you well


John Am

Thanks for the kind words but you misunderstood me

by John Am on

She was not my girlfriend,  I was just stating how rare is was to meet someone smart, interesting, pretty,  al the while cutting and running because I believe I'm protecting myself to be able to make my dreams a reality.  

I guess my point is not about being unhappy but wanting to thrive and not letting hate stop me.

I was just going through some blogs when I saw this video


and I realized how petty my problems are.



Nazy Kaviani

Dear John

by Nazy Kaviani on

Sorry about your troubles. Though during the 30 years that I have lived in the US I have never experienced a serious case of racist behavior against myself, I am aware that they do happen. It may be that I have lived in and around one of the most open-minded places in the world. My experiences and friendships with my American friends have shaped my Iranian-American life into a wonderful experience, full of warmth, good lessons, and good cheer.

Any advice I can give you is about what you can do to be happier yourself. What I found worked the best for me was my admission, acceptance, and pride in being an Iranian, complete with the axxxent, the dark hair, the Iranian nose, and the strange name! Once I felt comfortable with myself, I started reaching out to others for friendship. Next I set out to learn about the country which was to become my home, my other country as you put it. My American friends helped me improve my English, learn about their customs, their politics, their sports, and pop culture. Without their help and friendship, I couldn't have learned what I needed to learn to blend in better, while maintaining my own sense of identity. I suppose my American friends may have learned a thing or two from me about the world outside of their zip code and country, Iranian customs and values, and the taste of Fesenjoon, too!

One thing I know, dear John, is that without friends, wherever they might be from, life is really boring and lonely! You will need to reach out and build those friendships, showing your kind heart and opening it to receive others. I know the acceptance problem is a lot worse in American schools than it is in college or in the workplace. How did the school experience go for you? Anyhow, I don't know if my random thoughts are helpful to you. I just know that you can't cut and run whenever your friendships experience dwindling and doubtful moments. It would take you another three years to build another relationship which would be as meaningful to you as the one you have had with your girlfriend. Consider mending the broken bits of your relationships and moving on with them, if you can. Don't give up so easily, that's my advice. I wish you success in life and a wonderful 2009, full of friendships and new beginnings.

John Am

I was also hesitant because its pretty weak to vent or cry

by John Am on

I think its pretty weak to complain about my hurdles when my people struggle so much harder in Iran and many other parts of the world. 

Just thought I'd give it a shot, reach out to people and see what happens.