Multiple Personality Disorder

They give nice pajamas to political prisoners in Iran, at least to the ones that go on public trials.  Myself, I don’t like pajamas.  They are too restrictive for me when I sleep, so I sleep naked, you know, let my balls breathe a little.  I don’t think Iranian political prisoners are allowed to breathe their balls.  Well, as a matter of fact I don’t think they want anyone anywhere in Iran to have balls all together, except for themselves.  What I just said might sound like a male chauvinistic statement, to assume everyone has balls, so let me add this, they don’t want Iranian men to have balls and they want women to wear veils.  I don’t know why, but that’s how it is over there.  If you have balls you have to wear pajamas, if you don’t have balls you have to wear veils.

Next item, I can’t keep up with all these new words coming out of Iran.  Ahmadinejad tanfiz shod (تنفیذ شد).  First I thought he took a shower, then, I’m not kidding you, I saw a picture of him sitting on the floor like a cat that just ate the canary, and I thought maybe he’s done something that he wasn't supposed to do and the glorious Supreme Leader spanked him for it.  That’s what I thought tanfiz was supposed to mean, getting spanked, but then when I read more I figured he must’ve been promoted or something, so then I had to look it up in the dictionary.  It means he’s been confirmed!  The Supreme Leader just confirmed his hand picked president!  And now, it’s official!  Hold your horses!  He has not been tahlif (تحلیف) yet.  I know tahlif doesn’t mean the end of that thing that people use to wash themselves in bathhouses.  I already read about it.  So, back to the dictionary, it means official taking of an oath, Oath of Office.  I hope when he takes his Oath of Office he won't take it on Quran because I don't think he believes in it.  I hope he’ll swear to the life of his children not to lie anymore, because the other day I heard him say Neda was killed by CIA, or something like that, and also he keeps saying beh shoma mehr mivarzim (به شما مهر می ورزیم), and they keep beating the crap out of people, and I see more and more people in morgues, and I see pictures of people with bullets in their heads, and in Behesht-e-Zahra people being attacked by security forces, and I’m saying to myself, you idiot mehr used to mean love but you have been away from Iran for too long and meaning of some words have changes over the years, you know, like gay.  Gay used to mean happy, but now it means a homosexual person.  So, I think mehr used to mean kindness but now it means screw you.  be shoma mehr mevarzim means screw you, we torture you, we'll kick you...  There!  Now it makes more sense that way.

khes o khashak (خس و خاشاک), what the hell is that supposed to mean!  khes: small chips of wood, mote, thorn, a mean person.  So I get it now.  He doesn’t mean people are thorns.  He means they are ’mean people’.  He means IRANIAN people are mean people!  Well!  That’s really great!  We have a tanfizi president that’s saying Iranian people are mean people!  khashak: mote, chips of wood, brushwood!  That’s not going to work well!  I was hoping khashak might mean something like ’low-life’, you know like Iranian people are ’mean’ and low-life.  Those two words together like that would make a lot of sense, but the way khashak is defined we’re back to being wood chips again.  Well, I thought of something!  Way back then we had a carpentry shop (نجاری) in Tehran.  We used to get a lot of saw dust (خاک اره) all over us working in the shop.  Maybe that’s what he means, a lot of people have become carpenters and they get a lot of saw dust all over themselves, so they look like khes o khashak.  That makes more sense like that.

One day one million carpenters decided that they had enough of this, and without dusting themselves off they marched in the streets!

I wonder what happened to our carpentry shop back home.  It looks like it's becoming a very popular trade in Iran.