The Prince

Confused Foreigner

As a foreigner, trying to master the English language, I sometimes run into certain terms, which I cannot truly comprehend. Lately I have been trying to understand the term “giving a flying fuck”. Perhaps someone can assist me to understand this phenomenon?

What is a flying fuck, and how do you give it? I have never seen one and don’t know what it looks like? Have you? Does it fit in a pocket, just in case the occasion arises that I have to give one? So many questions come to mind about this issue?

Does it actually fly? How?

Does a flying fuck have wings, or propellers? An engine perhaps?

Why does it have to be flying? Are there other types of fucks who may jump, crawl or walk at times, as oppose to just flying? There could be! To clarify, I have come up whit an example. The following conversation can easily take place in today’s normal family;

- You don’t love me anymore! You don’t care about me. You don’t even give a flying fuck if I live or die!!!

- Hey baby, I don’t even give a crawling fuck, let alone flying… Where is my God damn Beer?!!

As you see, other types of fucks may very well exist. The conversation seems to be fairly feasible and delivers the message clearly.

Why is it that when it comes to a flying fuck, nobody seems to want to actually give it? You always hear, for example, someone says; “Yeah, I was just passing by and saw these goons pummeling a woman to death. I just turned around and walked away, cause I just don’t give a flying fuck.”

We hear these types of statements from our fellow citizens all the time. But you never hear, for example, someone saying: “Yeah, I was just passing by and saw these goons pummeling a woman to death. I stopped by and handed them a flying fuck.” No one ever says that, EVER! why? I have theory for this. I think the reason is because flying fucks are created not to be given!! No matter how much someone wants you to give a flying fuck, you just can’t. Because as soon as you give it, it is no longer a flying fuck, is it? Anytime you hear about “flying fuck” is when someone is NOT giving it! Very peculiar. Isn’t it?

I have also noticed that there are a number of other things which are created for the purpose of giving, only not to be given, such as, to name a few, a shit and a rat’s ass. A Shit is kind of a difficult phenomenon for me to understand, since it is rather a fairly easy thing to give, as oppose to a rat’s ass, but no one seems to be able to give a shit! I mean, all you have to do is dump it in a bag and give it away. What’s the big fuss?

A rat’s ass, on the other hand, is a different story. A rat is a big, ugly and disgusting creature. Some people are very fearful of rats, especially the hairy ones. Imagine, for a moment, chasing after a big hairy rat down in your basement or garage, running out of breath, sweaty and tiered. In the name of science, I, myself, actually conducted such experiment. After a couple of hours, you manage to grab the ugly creature, and after a few painful rabies bites from the rat to your body, you mange to subdue the rat. Now comes the fun part. In order to actually be able to give a rat's ass, you actually have to cut the ass, which can only be accomplished after sawing it rigorously through all that blood, skin, flesh and bones. No wonder nobody gives a rat’s ass. You went through hell to get it. Why in the hell would you give it away? You probably don’t give a shit how much someone begs and cries. You still wouldn’t give a flying fuck and will not give them a rat’s ass. Maybe, and only maybe, if they offer you a shit load of money, then perhaps you will give a rat’s ass?!