Goli's Story

Kisses, kisses, and kisses landing everywhere


Goli's Story
by Nazy Kaviani

From the "Kissing All The Frogs" series.

“Hey, hot date tonight?!” Her co-worker asked her in the mirror, as she washed her hands in the office bathroom sink, while Goli finished putting on her makeup at 5:30. “Heeh, no, not really. He’s just a friend.” She said. Her co-worker asked “Anyone special?” She said “Well, yes.” checking her reflection in the mirror. “I think he’s very special. He is a guy I have known for a while. He is a friend I met through a group of my sister’s friends. Later I started working with him on some volunteer projects having to do with ‘No War On Iran.’ I have been really attracted to him for a while and we have so much in common, but I’m not sure he’s interested in me. He has never said or done anything, always friendly and polite. I’m going out to dinner with him tonight, not our first time out together.” Her officemate made some supportive noises, wishing her a good evening and a good time.

They sat at the popular restaurant, talking and eating and drinking, trying hard to hear each other over the building noise of the restaurant which was full of excited and celebrating people. She was happy as always to see him. When they finished their dinner, they went for a walk. As she started to make good-bye gestures, he asked if she wanted to go for a drive, holding her arm as they crossed the street. Did she imagine his arm brushing against her breast for a second? Liking the idea of prolonging her visit with him, she agreed. As much as she had wanted this and for the number of times she had thought about getting closer to him, when he reached over in the car and kissed her, she was dumbfounded. She had really wished for a closer relationship with him for months and here she was paralyzed with excitement and confusion. “He wants me, too? He likes me, too?” She was so happy, so excited. No words were exchanged, just hands fumbling in the flickering glow of the streetlights. She couldn’t remember how they got to his place.


A man and a woman were hanging on to each other, arriving the flat holding hands and kissing. In no time at all, they had fumbled in the dark to undress each other and themselves, the whole hallway strewn with various items of clothing. Hands discovered, lips burnt, eyes half closed but seeing everything, all senses awake and ready for the discoveries to come. Kisses, kisses, and kisses landing everywhere, and fingers finding each other. Ears hearing whispers and moans and words of wanting, interest, excitement, and arousal. Noses smelling each other's crooks of necks, chests, and arms. Some huge climax lurked in the back, prolonged as long as humanly possible, pulsating through sweating bodies, nostalgic of other times in the past the bodies had been in such dire and excited state, but never like this.

Embraces were held tight, arms raised, lowered, fumbling in the dark, reaching, touching, scratching, and holding. Limbs performing maneuvers perhaps long forgotten or less practiced, all the time looking for the other person's touch, not wanting to let go. Sweat poured, hair was tussled, and soft moans turned into groans and pleas and desperate requests of attention and release. Every touch and every kiss felt like another sure thing to unleash the climax which was avoided as long as it could through long moments of holding back, back, back, until release became inevitable, climaxes were reached in rapid succession, and bodies crumbled next to one another, exhausted, released, satisfied, and waiting around the corner, promising to get going at it again. Sex, free, joyous, releasing, and comforting.


She woke up sore and happy. She had had such a good time with a guy she really liked, and was happy as a child to finally know that he liked her, too. With all the things they had in common, she thought, this felt so good, so right. As the morning turned into noon and afternoon and evening, she started feeling a little strange. He didn’t call. He didn’t write. She called. He was his polite and kind self, talking about their project, but there was no mention of what had happened the night before. She played along, uttered some niceties, and when she was sure there was nothing there, she hung up. She cried herself into oblivion for days. No calls came. No acknowledgement. Nothing. She saw him again in the circle of friends. He was kind and polite again. There was no look, no glance, no recognition of her as the woman who had been in his arms. After several weeks, she finally accepted he had no interest in her. There was nothing, only what had happened in her head and in her heart for months, she thought. What went wrong? Was she that bad in bed? She certainly didn’t remember it that way. Was she too fat? Too ugly? Too old? Did she do something wrong? She never got a chance to ask those questions. For all the days, weeks, and months she cried and thought, the realization finally set, complete, sobering, and painful. She had been a one-night stand.

Visit: nazykaviani.blogspot.com


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How many single or divorced

by Ajab Rajab (not verified) on

How many single or divorced or single parent or never married slim shady Iranian men are there in this website who are Joe the Plumber aka Ahmadinejad el presidente?! Please stand up! Please stand up!


Excuse me

by Stupid Reader (not verified) on

What does "errors in the internations" mean? Can someone tell me. It was part of "Been there, Done that, Got the Handbag" comment posted on Thu Oct 30, 2008 08:32 AM PDT. I couldn't look it up anywhere.



What I have said here is my

by Ajab Rajab (not verified) on

What I have said here is my advice and I am sticking to it. I have seen, lived and experienced enough among Iranians to stick with what I have said and other side discussions only strengthens my belief in this matter.

Look. We are not going to solve everything here since there are so many socio economic and cultural attachments surrounding the relationships between men and women in Iran, America or anywhere else. Right now this day and age Obama is advertising about equal pay for women.

Read between the lines and don't take everything literally. Look at the bigger picture.

Nazy I did not say middle aged Iranian women can not find good middle aged Iranian men. When you asked me if it is true that Iranian men are "generally" looking for younger women, I said NO! and gave my rationale. Didn't I?

I'm not going to repeat what I have said it is there to be read again if needed. I know plenty of middle aged Iranian men and women who have found each other in their middle ages and are either married or living with each other. Some living with arreh keshi because of what was discussed earlier and some happily ever after.

The fact that an Ahmadinejad the president, okay el presidente if it sounds better, can not be taken seriously was the option that I said middle aged Iranian women (making under $250K a year :) are "missing"! Didn't say he is lengeh kafsh kohne.

The rationale that thinks he is lenge kafsh kohne and beggers can't be choosers equals the same rationale that thinks Iranian men can only find a good woman in Iran.

The fact that American men AND women find it easier to find someone their own age is further proof that we are not living in Iran. i.e. click your heels all you want you are not in Kansas anymore!

Yes if you venture into American pool of men AND expand it to other nationalities you are all of a sudden back in land of opportunities again. But how are you going to play with the handicaps that I've explained before?

American men and women have experimented much more in their 20s and are better equipped and prepared to find someone suitable. Live your age. You can't start acting like a teenager in your 40s and 50s and be on the phone all the time talking about "intellect" ;-)

The man is going to say, wrap it up baba! And if he keeps on chatting more than you do digeh vaveila!

The same handicap of not knowing what to look for or not to know even if it were to hit you in the head will be with us regardless of the nationality of the mate we choose. They are either with us or against us. Can you tell the difference?

Nazy Kaviani

Dear Kourosh. Been There, and Rajab

by Nazy Kaviani on

Thank you so much for your active participation in the discussions. I have enjoyed knowing about your viewpoints and I appreciate your sincere engagement in the discussion.

I don't sense any despair or negativity in Been There's words. She sounds educated, articulate, experienced and at ease with herself. She also seems like she has keen observations about the subject at hand.

The issue she raises is an important one.

I was talking to my sister not too long ago, when she asked me what kind of man would appeal to me. I told her pretty much what I have written here, saying that I am easy in my requirements (kam tavagho), because I am not looking for a man's looks, money or worldly possessions, but for decency (including but not limited to faithfulness), intellect, and joy of life. She laughed and said, "sweetie, you make it so hard for men to fit that bill, because too many times men fill their shortcomings in decency and intellect departments with money and looks! You are aiming too high!"

On top of what I mentioned above, you can see how even really good guys like Rajab think that a middle-aged Iranian woman should settle for anything she can get, because among Iranians exists a general notion that middle-aged women have entered a space of desperation where "beggers can't be choosers!" "Lengeh kafsh kohneh dar biaban ghanimat ast!" It's as though being middle-aged somehow completely diminishes or eliminates a woman's appeal (sexual and otherwise) to most Iranian men who are in the same age group.

As you may have observed from living in the west, most western men do not hold such beliefs. An American man would go out with an interesting and attractive woman older than himself, or he might very well marry her or another woman his own age. Age seems to be an important criteria for Iranian men, but not for American men. Many of my Iranian female friends, therefore, have decided to give up on Iranian men altogether, and have started dating and marrying American men, most of them reporting marital bliss and a respectful, loving relationship.

Of course, as most of us have repeated here, there is no set prescription for what makes a happy and successful relationship. People should approach relationships with an open mind and follow their hearts (but not too much, or they'll end up like poor Goli here!). It just appears to me that past a certain age, Iranian women who don't want to settle for just any guy in a zir-shalvari, obsessed with conspiracy theories and too bored and tired to want to do anything exciting, must kiss finding an Iranian man goodbye, looking elsewhere for that relationship. Is that a fair statement?

American Wife


by American Wife on

Are you listening?  We have at least three men baring their souls.  If we sit back and listen quietly, we might learn something about men and how they think!!!!

Shhhh... hey, would you mind passing me that bottle of Shiraz?


IT does not have to be that hard.

by KouroshS (not verified) on

Been there , done that.

I sense a tremendous amount of despair and negativity in the tone of your message, I am sorry that you feel that way. Please accept my personal appologies if pain and suffering was all you had in the past.

I would not count the money factor , as being one main element that opens up doors of opportunity to some men who happen to be well off. Unfortunately you seem to be echoing Ajab's sentimentsThat this is the last resort or that it is done solely because he's got money and the power to do it. I never said that doing so equals %100 success and brings unconditional happiness, But at least in theory could serve as an option, for anyone who wishes to expand his or her search beyond other options availabe. Given that it is a hit or miss situation, I would say that it would also provide an opportunity for women as well.
I think that you are allowing a great deal of pride stand in the way . The fact that women make more money just to provide for the day to day life and have serious careers should not really be an obstacle to have such an evolved and quality-based relationship.
Why can't she marry a man who is supposedly below her intellect? Why would she want to make it double hard by setting nonsensical and self-imposed restrictions? I think that as an educated and a high earner you should know better that there are no solid means to quantify intellect, so why can;t we be open to the idea that the outcome of
a marriage between an harvard grad woman and a man who has adequate social intelligence and life experience, has the same chance of survival or failure as any other marriage???

This is nothing but a self-created curse and does not justify anything. Your intellect and education in particular should give you an open mind to make good decisions by putting aside your pride.


Family Values

by Been there, Done that, Got the Handbag (not verified) on

How interesting that Mr. Kourosh should bring in the concept of "Traditional Family Values".

Such values appear to best be suited to a man who has money and a woman who does not. And it is not exclusive to Iranian families. Patriarchal cultures all over the world favor such an arrangement. It is a win-win.

However, what we have these days in this country and in many non-traditional set-ups are women who work and make money - not just make enough to subsidize a family holiday or the kid's summer camp either. Those women also want relationships.

In a relationship where there is comparable income and intellect between the partners - naturally exchanges are not going to be simple; simply because the couple has, one would hope, graduated from, economy of the venture to experiencing the more profound paraphenalia of an evolved relationship, namely, matters of the heart and intellect independent of the economics of survival. Complex lives - complex partners.

For the man who would prefer a 'simple' exchange of 'money for comfort and uncomplicated 'family value system', there is the avenue of Iran and the Golshiftehs of simple needs - though none are 'simple-minded' - you are pointing out.

As Mr. Rajab indicates - we the 70's kids were sacrificed. Few of us - especially the women have the opportunity of going backwards in time to become 'traditional' thinkers. Our education, intellect and paychecks preclude that way of thinking. WE do not have the option of going to Iran and picking a simple man. The curse of the woman, you might say, is that she can not marry below herself in intellect - something I have often envied in the men of my country of birth.



Joe "the Chayi khor" ahmadinejad has options too.

by KouroshS (not verified) on


That ended up really well, as a matter of fact and despite divorces here and there, it still stands tall and proud versus present-day marriages. Where is the Trust and respect?
As i mentioned before, No one, including the ahmadinejad kinds is truly "forced" to go back and find someone, i don't understand why you are so devotedly under such impression! It is about making a choice.. IT is about wanting to pick a mate from a more traditional setting, It is not about, oh, i am so desparate and no one will look at me or talk to me so by god, it is my destiny to find someone in iran.

It is much better that the lessons learned by one generation be taught to the next one, through decent and effective and mind-opening ways, rather than pointless and devastating sacrifces.


One generation has to be

by Ajab Rajab (not verified) on

One generation has to be sacrificed so the next generation can be revised and become up to date!

The generation of the "white revolution" and chiti chiti bang bang supposedly had clean fun and went through all kinds of reviews and family approvals before they settled on a future fully qualified husband. How did that end up? Divorcés living happily ever after shopping at Chanze Lise and Rodeo Drive?

Now look. I definately recommend young Iranians to experiment and get into relationships and have their hearts broken and break some hearts. So they don't fumble in the future and notice the ones who do.

While there are men who go to Iran to doroshtasho sava konan, I was talking about Ahmadinejad the presidents who are "forced" to go to Iran.

Usually the first kind end up divorcing while the second kind as I mentioned end up living happily ever after.


Ajab Rajab, Too much experimenting. Not good!

by KouroshS (not verified) on

I respect your point of view here, but i seriously think that it is a recepie for disaster. To recommend that women in their early years should just go for it and break hearts and let their be broken in the meantime, is not a good rationale.
what about the emotional scars that marrying and divorcing the wrong guys would leave on one's psyche? my friend (as John mccain would say)this is
a more serious kind of gamble than the stock market or betting in Vegas like there is no tomorrow.

In matters of love and marriage, using terms such as heck! or what the hell! More often than not lead to a not so pleasant consequences
Many iranian women would not experiment much based on their conservative upbringings and the desire to appreciate and preserve the traditional family values and i do NOT think that there is anything wrong with that. Most of them, choose partners based on deep emotions and to them it is not a game that they get good at by practicing and playing it many times over.

With regards to men who go back and get married, whether they come back with a golshifteh or someone else, they do it not because they have hit bottom inhere or they could not have any expectation, But mostly because they are better choices available in iran, in terms of girls who choose less complex life styles and are more simple (not simple-minded).


The Cougar Option

by Been there, Done that, Got the Handbag (not verified) on

Ajab Rajab's Comment is spot on.

I guess the moral of the story is women and men need to live their life at the age they are and not leave much to chance. Har cheh peesh ayad khosh ayad.

Might I offer that aside form the Tom Cruise/Ahmadinejad Option for the middle age woman who missed the frolicking of the 20's - well there is always the Cougar option. Only incomes of over $250K need apply :)

I have respect for men who go back to Iran and bring back a Golshifteh (love that name BTW). They know themselves very well and they know their ablities and limitations. They also are getting the checkbook out and paying for Golshifteh. Chances are also that Golshifteh is not looking for a 5-star bedroom or boardroom treatment - either. Her other choices having been a tariyaki senior or a poor young one, the middle-aged man with a paunch and an $80K salary in Ohio or Iowa, or Florida or , of course CA - heck Beverly Heeeeels - looks pretty palatable.

Let's not forget the old adage: Why do men like virgins? Because they can't stand criticism.

As for Ahamadinejad- lookalike having a heart - of course why not. Golshifteh is enthralled. She won't notice his accent, the errors in the internations, the fact that he , after living in the west for decades, still can't get 'the' and 'a' right and that his fave food still, after all these years, is abgoosht. :)

The older I get the sweeter and more amusing these sorts of discussions become. Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

You look at the life of these 'frustrated' and 'gomrah' Iranian women and men and you wonder - heck my Grandpa was right when he said Iraniha - mellat salad o ash reshteh.



As Obama would say; Look. I

by Ajab Rajab (not verified) on

As Obama would say; Look. I think when you are a young woman in your 20s you should "experience" with relationships.

You should date the bad guys, the good guys, the foreign guys, the tall, the old, the young, the fat, the tall, the short and the ugly. You should let your heart be broken and you should break some hearts. Heck even marry the wrong guy and divorce him.

You may end up being lucky and marry the right guy but 20 years later if you divorce him you'll have missed on all the experiences above and are a novice at the age of 40.

Look. This thread isn't really about a woman in her 20s. Women in their 20s have plenty of choices. They can put men in their pocket and choose whoever they want.

Here we are talking about women who are back in the dating scene or still in the dating scene and are trying to find ways to understand men. Their choices are far, few and in between. The choices are limited.

I am not saying you can not find someone decent looking who can talk and walk at the same time. You can but the chances of that happening is not high.

On the other hand the chance of you finding a middle age man who IS decent looking and can ACT as if he can talk and walk at the same time, but a lazy old chum who only wants to screw around and doesn't care about feelings is high.

Look. Let's not kid ourselves. A lot of our Iranian men ARE like Ahmadinejad. Don't they have hearts?

Now look. If you are a middle aged woman (making under $250,000 a year :-) who didn't experiment much in her 20s and find yourself involved in a no good douche bag you can't blame every one and everything on your predicament. You can't say why do I feel this way and keep forgiving him. If you had experimented more in your 20s, you'd have just soured for couple of days and moved on.

But now we hear about Iranian men who are interested in younger women. As I said there are Ahmadinejad the presidents who are ignored here and go back home and find a woman much better than anything they could have ever imagined here.

They come back with some Golshifteh Farahani and you know what? Golshifteh ends up liking him too. They'll end up having a good life with children and live happily ever after.

Why don't we talk about those men? How come all of a sudden they become worldly, smart, family man and a happy couple?

Now look. I gave the choices of Ahmadinejad and Tom Cruise to give you a dilema. Think how you can make this choice. When you skipped your 20s and are suddenly middleaged looking; you may find yourself with these 2 choices only.

Look. You can choose both or you can choose neither and stay single. My advice is to look for the guy on purse duty. Don't look for the so called smooth operator who fumbles but you can't notice it because you are not experienced enough. Know your strengths and weaknesess and choose wisely.

Good luck!


Don't Blow it out of proportion.

by KouroshS (not verified) on

Ananymous M.

I think you should go back and take another look at what you have written. I am not going to call you "angry" but your concerns are so unfounded. You seem so Irritated by all this and as a result you are overreacting.
Makes one wonder whether you truly mean it when you say "Now, it is not any of my business how any adult, male or female, conduct her private life". It only becomes an invasion of privacy when the author discloses all the details about that person. Right now, and as it stands, all we care is to see what lessons can be learned from all this and what is the take-home message.

Those of us who have been making comments on this story have experienced similar events in one form or another, at least most of us, and we are using this forum to discuss, exchange opinions and see what can be gained from this. We are treating this as a learing experience, without ruining or exposing the details of anyone's private life.
If you think that way, then i suggest you turn your tv on, wathc pat robertson's "club 700" or pick iup a good comic book or something!


Thanks Nazy for the expalanation

by Anonymous Mnonymous (not verified) on

With that “No War on Iran” you got me going girl. You must admit that there is such a coalition, so your fictitious story was sounding too realistic to me. OK, so as I said before I shut up now, but before I do I must say that it’s incumbent upon you to include all those details that you omitted, the two were friends, they talked to one another regularly, their previous experiences, their past marriages and divorces, and their children, they were not strangers,...and things like that. I know you have a different opinion.

But anyway I’m sure they live in California. All the juicy stories come out of California.

Thank God (if there is any) for anonymity.

Nazy Kaviani

Dear Anonymous Mnonymous

by Nazy Kaviani on

Thank you for your considerate comment. ALL of my characters in these series are fictitious and made up. Their stories are real, but none of the names, places, and affiliations are real. Goli is not Goli. She does not live near me, and the story never suggested that she did, nor does she work with the "No War On Iran" movement, if such a movement and organization has a real existence. This part of the story was added to show the nature of the relationship that had been in place for a whole year prior to the incident, to reflect a) that this man and this woman did have a lot in common in the way they were pursuing their volunteer interests together, and b) to make a point that they were not chance acquaintances and that they were rooted in the community in which they lived through friends and family. I tried to keep the circumstances relatively simple, because my aim for these series is for people to step in and talk about their perceptions and help our community to better understand and address some of the issues that ail and fail us.

People make a lot of assumptions about my stories, some of which are correct and some of which are wrong. For example, many people assume that Goli and this man had no personal conversations before this night, hence concluding that she jumped the gun by agreeing to sleep with what is only a little better than a perfect stranger. In fact the two were friends who had talked to one another regularly about their previous experiences, their past marriages and divorces, and their children. They were not strangers by any stretch of the imagination. People may also assume that these two live in California or in the US. That may be a wrong assumption, too, but it will not change the story, will it?

Some of those details really don't matter. I think it is more important for those who are participating in the dialogue to talk about their own thoughts about relationships, consensual sex, and "the day after" from both a male and a female point of view.

Thank you very much for your consideration. One last thing Anon Mnon Jan, and that is that since last February, I have gone long and far among my friends and their friends to ask them for help to write these series. Those who have given me their stories all know I am writing about them and they have seen their stories prior to publication. They follow the dialogues on this medium and they review the advice carefully, sharing their reactions with me accordingly. Please rest assured that in all the time I have written about people and places, I have done my best to never betray any confidences.


dear AnonymouMnonymous

by Souri on

Thanks for the explanation of how you feel about the subject of private vs. the public domain.

I do agree with you in that matter. Only the word, Sweet Revenge, looked a
bit too accusatory and gave it an angry tone. I really thought for a
few second that you were that man in the story :D)

If you take an honest look at this blog, there are 48 comments about the story and only two (yours) and mine in response, are focused on that detail. The story itself, is a very common subject, recounted beautifully by Nazy, in
the same related series.

So, my apologies if you didn't like my comment, but honestly, your tone there, was too angry, dear.




The question has been asked, why sweet revenge?

by Anonymous Mnonymous (not verified) on

The four women I mentioned below were all screwed, two of them literary, one of them figuratively, and one of them her mother was screwed. What did those women do? They didn’t lay there and take it like the old days. They named names and they publicized their stories. So, good for your ladies! I am very proud of you, and good way to get even, sweet revenge! Let this be a listen for those men that think they can **** their women, leave them bleeding, and get away with it. Next time you do something like that be prepared for someone to hear about your misdeed in Aurangabad, India.


The question has been asked, why get so personal?

by Anonymous Mnonymous (not verified) on

I hope I don’t get censored because what I want to say has to do with private vs. public domain, and nothing personal against anyone’s character.

In the last three month or so I have seen private lives of four different women being put on display for the public to see and make comment on. One by proxy, three by their own choice. Two of the women were physically involved in a sexual relationship with another man, one of the women didn’t make it to a sexual relationship but was emotionally devastated when the relationship was broken off by the man, and the other woman was in search of her father who did not want to have anything to do with her.

Now, it is not any of my business how any adult, male or female, conduct her private life, but once that private life is brought to public domain, not in a newspaper, magazine, radio, or TV, but in a website that is well known for soliciting opinions and comments from its readership you better believe that private life in no longer a private life but an open sewer (figuratively) for everyone to see and express their opinion about it. And, if anyone thinks what I just said is rude you better think again.

I’m sure most anyone who is a fan of Nazy Kaviani, as I am, knows where she lives, and everyone who’s been following the political events in Iran knows that there is always talk about military attack on Iran, and so they can imagine who the man in the “No War on Iran” movement in the area where the author of this article lives is. At a minimum according to this story Goli’s co-workers heard her talk about this man, and now according to this story everybody that reads this knows about it, and none of that is my doing but information put out here for public to see. Now if the author wanted, she could have instead of saying “No War on Iran” say “No War with Marians” or to be serious “Help the Helpless in Iran” or something like that to make it a fictitious organization, but she chose to be factual in that regard, and if “No War on Iran” is fictitious then she better issue a correction and then I’ll shut up.

So, here you have it, there is no more privacy, your personal life once is published in iraniandotcom is no longer a private matter. Don’t blame me. Blame the Editor, blame the Stock Market, blame Al Gore for inventing Internet,...but don’t blame me and call me “angry”.


Sex is for dessert

by Been there, Done that, Got the handbag (not verified) on

Your 2:15 p.m. post regarding your friend Goli, prompted me to offer you and the audience yet another take on this thing.

If one were to view sex as the dessert which comes after a 7-course meal of a relationship, it can be argued that it can best be enjoyed after the apperitif, the hors d'oeuvres, the soup, the salad, the fish dish, then the sorbet, then the meat dish - until you FINALLY get to dessert and coffee (and a smoke if you are that way inclined :).

Some people take their time and have the whole meal - and proceed one step at a time. By the time dessert comes around - they are ready to enjoy the naughty nuggets. And it will taste especially good after an elaborate meal.

Others skip the meal all together and go right for dessert. Being very hungry - of course dessert tastes yummy - but as we all know, dessert is not very filling. So as soon as the first sugar rush is over, they want to now go back and have the meal. Well, guess what it does not work that way. For one a fish dish or a meat dish or any kind of dish tastes pretty strange over a tongue which has already had sweet morsels roll over it. As for starting all over again - from the beginning - heck, who are we kidding? Two desserts - and we would expect them to taste equally good - at the same restaurant? Pshar!

Having sex early in the relationship is putting the cart before the horse. Something about anonymous or pseudo-anonymous sex is very enticing and alluring and so full of promise. We all like the unknown don't we? It leaves SO much room for conjecture and extrapolation. In the words of good old Satchmo - A kiss to build a dream on - in this case - a 'f***' to build a dream on.

However it is my understanding that very few couples have the ability AND the inclination to take a premature exchange of body fluids and turn it , skillfully into a full course meal of a bona fide deep relationship.

IMHO of course.



by Souri on

You mean, it's not enough for loving that person you know as a co-worker since a year ? Or you mean it's not enough for having sex on a first date ?

I think, this might be enough for love. Paradoxally, when you are in love, everything crazy and illogical, may happens. I can't blame Goli for  that, even if I don't approve " sex on a first date" things.


Dear Nazy: Goli is living in

by 0-0 (not verified) on

Dear Nazy:

Goli is living in a fantasy world. Goli and him both skipped the dating part and to me it is the same with being intimate with a stranger.
Plus, they were friends!?! Strange and kind of sick. They never talked about anything emotional. What does she expect? Yes, i know my co-workers too. Just knowing each other is not enough.


Dear Nazanin

by Miss Fish (not verified) on

Dear Nazanin,

That's even worse. Someone with Goli's views should be out of her mind to sleep with a guy whom they are out for a FRIENDLY visit!

Nazy Kaviani

Dear Miss Fish:

by Nazy Kaviani on

Thank you. Just a small clarification: It wasn't their first time out together, and it wasn't a date, either. So, it wasn't a "First Date." It was a friendly visit which turned into sex, hence the dilemma.

Nazy Kaviani

Dear Been There Done That, Got The Handbag:

by Nazy Kaviani on

Thank you for your interesting and refreshing take on relationships. I'm reading and learning. Thank you for the smart and satirical viewpoint. You made me smile. Please stay in the discussion if anything catches your fancy again.

Nazy Kaviani

Dear Rajab

by Nazy Kaviani on

Why isn't skipping both Tom and Mahmoud an option for me?! I have worked hard for that choice, you know!

I tell my friends to stay away from extremely gorgeous men and women, because in time, most people get used to how their partners look--anyone you love is always beautiful to you, regardless of whether others see the same beauty or not. The problem with people who are too gorgeous is that others would continue to see that outer beauty and feel attracted to it, creating distractions for your gorgeous partner whether or not he or she wants them, and the result is anxiety for you!

I can further tell you that money does not bring happiness and that's all I am willing to share about my personal experiences on the subject.

And that right there should eliminate Tom, wouldn't you say?!

As for Mahmoud, nothing about him is appealing to me, so why should I even have to consider him? We are not dealing with a state of desperation here, are we?! If there are many like Mahmoud who are neglected by women, then perhaps they should consider reading some books, hanging out with a more diverse group of people from whom to learn, and taking regular baths. Things should look up for them after that.

Rajab, you and I actually agree a lot more than we disagree. I see your point about good-looks and bad-boy-attitudes receiving too much attention from women. I do. And I agree. Anything and anyone who is "unattainable" appears more attractive to most people, including women. At the end of the day, however, in my position in life I have seen too many women who did finally "succeed" in getting that bad boy to become their life's partner and in some instances even marry them. The results have been too painful to report. Suffice it to say: A bad boy will remain a bad boy and a bad girl will remain a bad girl, even when they have been married for 10 years, even when they have 25-year old daughters, even when they have daughters-in-law and grandchildren.

Am a totally off the mark on why you asked the question again?


In that case

by Ugly Poor & Dumb (not verified) on

…my strategy is to lay in wait until prostitution becomes legal in San Francisco, and then I’ll make my move.

Nazy Kaviani

Dear Souri

by Nazy Kaviani on

Thanks so much for coming back and for your vigorous participation in the discussion. This is the best part of writing about the subject, where others are moved to react and comment, not to mention the fact that my friends whose stories are featured are also deeply interested in the discussion, so thank you and all for keeping it going.

You are right. The source of Goli's devastation was not regretting finally having had sex with a guy she liked and had known for about a year. And her friend was not rude or unfriendly to her afterwards, either. He just wasn't interested in taking the relationship to a new level, something Goli had wanted for a while and she had seen the intimacy scene as a perfect jumping board for that next level in a relationship. She was wrong and that's what has made her really sad. Goli is so indignant with the incident, she says she would never go out with that guy again.

Another friend of mine who has been in a similar situation has not been as adamant as Goli is. She has spared herself the pain of the one-night-stand by sleeping frequently with a guy who wants nothing other than sex out of the relationship, though she had to learn this lesson the same way as Goli did (she had hopes for elevating the relationship, but the two of them ended up as "sex buddies," instead.).

As I have mentioned before, though I can intellectually process the concept of "sex buddies," or "friends with benefits" as some call it, where two adult individuals have an understanding about getting together and only enjoying sex and then each going on their own merry ways, it is hard for me to process this on an emotional level. I have been accused of suffering from cultural hangups and generational gaps whenever I have expressed my bafflement with this concept.

This reminds me of something a very dear friend of mine once told me. She said: "People usually leave a very small piece of themselves in beds in which they sleep. If they sleep in too many beds, there would come a day when there would be so little left of them!"

Thanks again Souri Jan.


Ahmadinejad vs Tom Cruise

by been there, done that, got the handbag (not verified) on

Who are we kidding? Assholes come in all shapes and sizes. Not every ugly man is guarnateed to be a great husband/father. Not every gorgeous one is a useless SOB. Get real. If you have the looks, money and the panache of Katie Holmes - then it is Tom Cruise for you (despite rumors that he is gay). Heck, he will even leave Nicole Kidman AND have a kid with you.

Has anyone seen Ahmadinejad's wife?

Please. I find people who always argue against looks and money are the ones who don't have either or can't get the person who has them to commit to them. You have to have the intellect of Woody Allen or Einstein to be allowed to be ugly and still get the girl. And how many of those geniuses are around. Even then, I bet they needed to get the wallet out.

My advice for the young ones male or female - Be the whole package (looks, wealth, pedigree, status, education, emotionally connected, self-assured and with a clear vision of what you want) and go for the whole package - and DON'T settle for any less.

American Wife

Unfortunately, using Ahmadinejad is a bad example.

by American Wife on

You're not going to get any response to that except negative.  He might be a great dad.  It's difficult to imagine him being a great husband, certainly not by my standards.  So, let's say... Danny Devito and Tom Cruise.  If anyone is objecting to the use of celebrities, it's only because they are the only ones that would be commonly know. 

So you meet Danny and Tom.  Not necessarily on a date or as a prospective partner but just as a friend or in a group.  You hang with each of them for awhile in this group.  Both of them pursue you... who are you going to go out with... who is going to interest you more as a possible mate?

I don't think the guy acted poorly afterwards.  She herself said he was just as pleasant as ever.  So he definitely wasn't a scumbag.  It's pretty much as most of you have said, he was interested in sex... he liked her and enjoyed her company.  Why not?  She was under a different impression.  Neither one really owes the other anything at all.  She's hurt.  I can understand that.  Maybe just consider it a lesson learned.  Overcome by passion... that's cool too.  But just understand the consequences. 

As far as the whole conversation back and forth between men and women and who they're looking for and what they're looking for and who they'd settle for and are men more superficial than women... blah blah blah.  Let's be honest.  You can tell me a hundred times that looks don't matter, that money doesn't matter or cars or house or lifestyle.  I say BS. 

Yep, BS.  It sounds good.  But it's not true at all.  There are way too many variable about how you meet someone, where you meet them, with whom you meet them... to be able to say that with 100% certainty. It's what you're looking for, absolutely. 

But what if "the" guy has a great smile, smart and funny... but he bites his nails and his job is seasonal.   Or he's the most fun you've ever had with a guy and you know in the deepest depths that you could trust him completely... he understands you, comforts you, supports you... would do anything for you, but he didn't go to college or he's never been out of the state.  But he knows more stuff about things you've never thought of... he expands YOUR world.  Maybe he's not worldly... maybe a little bit of a redneck even... but he reads anything and everything he can get his hands on.

See.. there are too many variables.  It's impossible to say what qualities you're going to insist on in a relationship.  This is an interesting article and a great blog but it's a subject that hardly any two people can agree on, much less 10... 15 different  men and woman.  

There are scumbag guys who's screw anything in a skirt.  There are girls who'd sleep with a guy on the first date.  There are gentlemen who are curteous and up front with you.  There are woman who are gold digger's from the womb. 

It's human interaction.  Hit and Miss.  Sometimes you're lucky enough to meet a person who satisfies the majority of your needs.  Its for damn sure you're going to have to compromise something.

When you find that someone... you just better make sure what your priorities are and remain committed to them.  It's a bumpy ride my friends.

Nazy Kaviani

Dear Azarin

by Nazy Kaviani on

Thank you so much for your supportive words! I was experimenting with my writing as you so appropriately recognized! It was not terribly easy and poor JJ had to put up with my wishy-washiness about posting this piece for a few weeks!

Coming from you, I appreciate the compliment immensely, Azarin Jan!