Goli's Story

Kisses, kisses, and kisses landing everywhere


Goli's Story
by Nazy Kaviani

From the "Kissing All The Frogs" series.

“Hey, hot date tonight?!” Her co-worker asked her in the mirror, as she washed her hands in the office bathroom sink, while Goli finished putting on her makeup at 5:30. “Heeh, no, not really. He’s just a friend.” She said. Her co-worker asked “Anyone special?” She said “Well, yes.” checking her reflection in the mirror. “I think he’s very special. He is a guy I have known for a while. He is a friend I met through a group of my sister’s friends. Later I started working with him on some volunteer projects having to do with ‘No War On Iran.’ I have been really attracted to him for a while and we have so much in common, but I’m not sure he’s interested in me. He has never said or done anything, always friendly and polite. I’m going out to dinner with him tonight, not our first time out together.” Her officemate made some supportive noises, wishing her a good evening and a good time.

They sat at the popular restaurant, talking and eating and drinking, trying hard to hear each other over the building noise of the restaurant which was full of excited and celebrating people. She was happy as always to see him. When they finished their dinner, they went for a walk. As she started to make good-bye gestures, he asked if she wanted to go for a drive, holding her arm as they crossed the street. Did she imagine his arm brushing against her breast for a second? Liking the idea of prolonging her visit with him, she agreed. As much as she had wanted this and for the number of times she had thought about getting closer to him, when he reached over in the car and kissed her, she was dumbfounded. She had really wished for a closer relationship with him for months and here she was paralyzed with excitement and confusion. “He wants me, too? He likes me, too?” She was so happy, so excited. No words were exchanged, just hands fumbling in the flickering glow of the streetlights. She couldn’t remember how they got to his place.


A man and a woman were hanging on to each other, arriving the flat holding hands and kissing. In no time at all, they had fumbled in the dark to undress each other and themselves, the whole hallway strewn with various items of clothing. Hands discovered, lips burnt, eyes half closed but seeing everything, all senses awake and ready for the discoveries to come. Kisses, kisses, and kisses landing everywhere, and fingers finding each other. Ears hearing whispers and moans and words of wanting, interest, excitement, and arousal. Noses smelling each other's crooks of necks, chests, and arms. Some huge climax lurked in the back, prolonged as long as humanly possible, pulsating through sweating bodies, nostalgic of other times in the past the bodies had been in such dire and excited state, but never like this.

Embraces were held tight, arms raised, lowered, fumbling in the dark, reaching, touching, scratching, and holding. Limbs performing maneuvers perhaps long forgotten or less practiced, all the time looking for the other person's touch, not wanting to let go. Sweat poured, hair was tussled, and soft moans turned into groans and pleas and desperate requests of attention and release. Every touch and every kiss felt like another sure thing to unleash the climax which was avoided as long as it could through long moments of holding back, back, back, until release became inevitable, climaxes were reached in rapid succession, and bodies crumbled next to one another, exhausted, released, satisfied, and waiting around the corner, promising to get going at it again. Sex, free, joyous, releasing, and comforting.


She woke up sore and happy. She had had such a good time with a guy she really liked, and was happy as a child to finally know that he liked her, too. With all the things they had in common, she thought, this felt so good, so right. As the morning turned into noon and afternoon and evening, she started feeling a little strange. He didn’t call. He didn’t write. She called. He was his polite and kind self, talking about their project, but there was no mention of what had happened the night before. She played along, uttered some niceties, and when she was sure there was nothing there, she hung up. She cried herself into oblivion for days. No calls came. No acknowledgement. Nothing. She saw him again in the circle of friends. He was kind and polite again. There was no look, no glance, no recognition of her as the woman who had been in his arms. After several weeks, she finally accepted he had no interest in her. There was nothing, only what had happened in her head and in her heart for months, she thought. What went wrong? Was she that bad in bed? She certainly didn’t remember it that way. Was she too fat? Too ugly? Too old? Did she do something wrong? She never got a chance to ask those questions. For all the days, weeks, and months she cried and thought, the realization finally set, complete, sobering, and painful. She had been a one-night stand.

Visit: nazykaviani.blogspot.com


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Either Look Before U Leap Or Dont Cry Over Spilt Milk!

by Miny (not verified) on

Goli should not have behaved like Goli if she never wanted what she got.....and if you are not sincere to yourself nobody else will be....Guy was very focussed...He could do what he had set his heart to...He came out fine...Unscathed...Fresh as ever.......Guy was sincere to himself and Goli was not..so..

Well even if it was an accident which are never expected but do happen around the corners ...then too she has to bear..in this age how could she have taken him for granted...They say "Trust in God but lock your car" ....never entrust your interest to trust...Goli trusted him on her own even when he promised nothing...Poor Goli & the Rich Polite Gentleman!

and about Men there are two famous quotes by two famous Bernards..

1) "Men are always sincere. They change sincerities, thats all"...Tristan Bernard.

2)"The fickleness of the women I love is only equaled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me." ...George Bernard Shaw

P.S. Who knows Maybe the Girl was tooo good for him and the guy was wise n quick to realize that..:)

Nazy Kaviani

Dear Feshangi

by Nazy Kaviani on

Dear Feshangi:

Thank you so much for coming back to read the series and for your sympathetic comment. Contrary to common appearances, one-night stands hurt men, too, I am told by my male friends. One of them told me he used an online dating service for meeting women and twice it happened that on that first date the women slept with him and never returned his calls or emails afterwards, leaving him confused. (BTW, my next story will be about online dating.)

I agree with you about how Goli should have expressed herself better before all of this happened. I do believe some cultural factors were in operation in the story, too, knowing Goli. I know for a fact that she doesn't feel this man deliberately hurt her, and I tried to convey that in the story. She is, however, deeply hurt by this experience.

Thanks again for your thoughtful and kind look at my character's predicament.


There are plenty of men like

by Ajab Rajab (not verified) on

There are plenty of men like Ahmadinejad who get ignored by women and they don't share his views either.

Many of our strong intellectal men look like him and they are "forced" to go back and wed young ones when there are plenty of good ones here!

It is easier said than done. If an Ahmadinejad look alike was to lean on a wall in Cabaret Tehran in LA would he be approached? Would you any of you approach him?

There is a current MTV show where they bring geeks and this pickup artist (douche bag) teaches them how to pick up women. It is so crappy and I can only watch only portions of it at a time.

You can see the kind of BS that they feed people. The douche bag knows he's been there done that and now has a TV show to proove! He scolds the geeks when they screw up and flatters himself when they score something.

Another show is FlavorFlav, Rock of Love, Chance or something. These are the bad boys that I was talking about. While this is TV, in reality these are the kind of men I can never understand why women would fall for.

In the end all Iranian men wear Iranian pajamas (in chador namaz fabric) when they are comfy! So it doesn't really matter if he is Ahmadinejad or Tom Cruise ;-)


Get over it.

by Been there, done that, got the handbag (not verified) on

First off - forget about the guy and what he was or wasn't thinking. That should be of NO interest to you. What you need to do is LEARN about yourself in this wonderful experience.

You had fun. So did he. That's instinct for you. Everything that comes after the big O is conjecture. The woman is trying to read into it something that simply isn't there - never was, never will be.

Let's put it this way - your nature, your instinct would have 'stopped' you from engaging in 'casual sex' if you were serious about having this fellow's children one day. So, right there your genes decided for you that he was not father material but promised to be a good 'bed-mate' for the night. Women CHOOSE who they have children with and for that person - they will have completely different criteria (naturally and instinctively) than when they are simply wanting to satisfy an itch.

You are going through, what they call, "Monday morning quarterbacking". Rewriting history and playing the 'what if' Fact is there was nothing else in it but to satisfy the urges, yours and his.

Know what you want next time. Really know it and own it. Love is a fallacy when it comes to the flesh. It can only occur if you want to have children with someone. Two people meet, they size each other up, genes for genes (looks, wealth, status, intellignece). They barter, they negotiate, they start the dance and the power play and even that is an exercise to find out how they measure up against each other's psyche and emotion - a necessary tool for the survival of their protege. Both think at the back of their minds - hmmm - is this the best I can do to propogate the species? Once the DNA gives the green light, they commit and attach. Otherwise, they just keep playing until a new potential mate comes into view.

Keep your head high and be proud. Your genes NEVER let you down.

As for oldies, well, they would be too smart and wise to be 'reading' anything into this sort of thing. They know they are just there for 'play'. No harm done.


about Ahmadinejad...

by IRANdokht on

Ajab khan

you keep bringing up Ahmadinejad as the opposite side of the spectrum from Tom Cruise...  You say he could be a sweetheart!

I am not sure if you're only talking about the way he looks or the actual man.

Yes there are sweethearts out there whose faces and body type do not match their beautiful inside (man or woman) but taking Ahmadinejad as an example for that is just WRONG!  the guy's inside is not attractive enough to make up for his appearance.

The whole comparison and bringing up Ahmadinejad as the symbol of inner beauty and intelligence is absurd!




by Souri on

Someone looks angry here ! What's the catch ?

“No War On Iran” activist have a one-night-stand encounter with a volunteer and the news of their affair is spattered all over the world
(World Wide Web that is).

Sweet revenge, thank God (if there is any) for anonymity, and good luck raising the kid alone (if there is any)

Sweet revenge ? Who are you talking to ? Goli? or Nazy ?

Why this essay should look to get so personal ?

No War in Iran, is a vast movement and can be in any place. Plus, it could be also just an example as a name for any movement.

Personally, I didn't pay attention to this detail.


KouroshS Ahmadinejad IS

by Ajab Rajab (not verified) on

KouroshS Ahmadinejad IS Javad the Mayor or as you say the Taxi Driver! I used him and Tom Cruise as people we can associate with and to be humorous, not because they are celebrity.

Women cringe about the notion of having Ahmadinejad as their mate. But should they? Should they if they want a man? Once they get passed their cringe Ahmadinejad may be a sweetheart!

I am NOT trying to make a strong case for men. I am trying to tell women NOT to fall in for the BS that men serve them.

I am trying to tell them look for men like Ahmadinejad and get to know him. Love can come next.

I know plenty of men who are looking for women in their 40s and 50s. Both Iranian and foreign men. Also, not all 40 and 50 year old women are the same.

40 or 50 year old who have let themselves go and have given up are another story. 40 or 50 year olds who are still active and can crack a smile are still sought by the right men.

Of course they are those who go back and wed young ones only to divorce them later. The rigidity goes both ways for an older person so does the LACK of rigidity. Again depending on which you would choose and what you look for.


A. Rajab

by Souri on

Thanks for answering my question : Wanting sex at what price ?

and you replied : " sex is more important to men than as we say in Farsi our nane shab! So we may agree to buy ourselves more headaches at all costs and since
women are willing to forgive us over and over again, what would be the

That is a great point for me. I believe I can't (read : girls shouldn't) 
love someone who put his physical needs before everything else which are
the most important for me in life, such as  friendship, decency and

Each person see "love" from a different angle. I don't
know about other women, but for me (maybe as an Aquarius sign) there
are some values I need to find in my partner before committing to them.
Those values are more emotionally satisfying than the physical needs
which cans be always satisfied by a casual mean.

So, if someone, I had valued first as a true friend, a soul mate etc, they sell me short, just for a one time trying, I no more value that person as I did before.It is the same rule for me, regarding any friendship, with male or female. 

There is not a thing as " forgiveness" here, in my opinion. It will be more about defining the lines for that relationship. Such in Goli's case:

Is that person worthy of my love ? Surely not !

Is he worthy of my trust and friendship ? Neither.

Is he worthy of a casual relationship just for hang out and to fill some cold winter night ? Maybe, but then, why not trying something/someone newer and perhaps better than  him?


Physiological explanation

by Anonymous Imposter (not verified) on

Once a man has deposited his sperms into a woman’s womb he has finished his physiological task and no longer needs to stick around and wait for the outcome. He moves on to other wombs to do the same.

Once a woman has received sperms from a man her physiological task has just begun. To begin with she might have to go through nine months of gestation, child bearing and several years of raising her offspring, none of it an easy task to be performed alone. So, she feels “needy” and tends to “cling”.

This is a purely one dimensional physiological explanation. Add to that several layers of cultural, historical, psychological, religion, environmental,…(what else did I forget), and the relationship between opposite sexes becomes what it is now, i.e. a “No War On Iran” activist have a one-night-stand encounter with a volunteer and the news of their affair is spattered all over the world (World Wide Web that is).

Sweet revenge, thank God (if there is any) for anonymity, and good luck raising the kid alone (if there is any).


More focus on Javad the Taxi driver.

by KouroshS (not verified) on

When you say the following, You are really not making a strong case for men. On the contrary, You are placing a burden on them. Most women hate that.

"they ARE looking and it is your job to notice what they want and react accordingly. Don't make any excuses FOR them. They sure don't need more excuses!"

I think that your centering your argument too much around celebrities, such as tom cruise and ahmadinejad and this does not grasp the reality of the situation. Let's focus more "Joe the plumbers" out there.
I understand that you are promoting the notion of modesty and i guess are saying that women need to focus on the better qualities in a man, and not much on what he does and his dollars, but like i mentioned that to irandokht that is more like wishful thinking. There is only a smatterings of those men around and a woman would run in to them either as a result of long and strong frienships, as in growing up together since they were kids, or happenstance.

On the point of whether men usually seek companionship with younger female, the fact that a woman in her 40's or 50's "can" be his princess, is not really true since it is a proven fact that if that is the case the marriage or the relationship would fall apart eventually because of all the incompatibities. We all know that managing a life with a lady in an higher age range is not at all the same as one in a lower range. there is more rigidness and a well-established mentality than in a 22 year old.


Irandokht some ok maybe most

by Ajab Rajab (not verified) on

Irandokht some ok maybe most older (Iranian) men may be looking for a younger woman and while they wait they they may settle down for an older queen for dast garmi :-)

But that is not the point. The point is; which older men are you looking for? The majority or the minority?!

On coming to the Park on Saturday, negatory!

By the way Miss Fish good sex is a good question to ask and relevant to this discussion. If Goli per se was good in bed, yelling hee haw as things were moving right along, she would have been happy with just sex and he'd been too.

Besides sex is more important to men than as we say in Farsi our nane shab! So we may agree to buy ourselves more headaches at all costs and since women are willing to forgive us over and over again, what would be the problem?!


Ajab Rajab

by IRANdokht on

If you don't wish to be misunderstood, if you get tired of explaining yourself again and again, choose your words wisely the first time around!

here's what you said:

Now while that man is looking for that princess depending on his own personality he'll venture into adventure type of relationships.
He may get bored waiting for the princess and will start settling down for an older queen or divorced pricess for the time being.

so older ones are the ones that he might settle for: your words not mine!  

Stop back-paddling, it's clear what you meant and you're not alone! most older men feel the same way you do and they might settle for an older woman while waiting for their princess (which they usually find when they have more $$)


so are you coming this saturday to take pictures of AW and Majid?



Every decision has a cost

by Miss Fish (not verified) on

Here is my answers to the questions raised in the story:

What went wrong? Lack of communication in the beginning.

Was she that bad in bed? Why even ask this question? Was there a deal to continue the relationship if she was good in bed??

Did she do something wrong? YES. Wise girls don't sleep with the guy on their FIRST date. If they do and it turns out to be one-night stand, then they just have to accept it and blame no one except themselves.

After all men are said to be like Chocolate Bars,
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips ;)


For women who are well read,

by Ajab Rajab (not verified) on

For women who are well read, I sure have to explain a lot! just kidding ;-)

Irandokht when I said "princess" I didn't mean it literally! I didn't mean an 18 year old princess from Monaco. I meant "his princess".

Now that could mean he is a 50 year old man and his princess is a 55 year old woman. What I'm trying to say is that despite the commitment phobia and all the crap men can give you like the "it's not you it's me" routine, they ARE looking and it is your job to notice what they want and react accordingly. Don't make any excuses FOR them. They sure don't need more excuses!

Nazy when I gave the 2 options of Ahmadinejad and Tom Cruise, I didn't give a 3rd option, did I?!

Of course women can live happily ever after being alone and many do and there is nothing wrong with it. But if you ARE looking and want someone in your life between these 2 choices who'd you choose?!

Ahmadinejad is a proven family man and will stay with you. Tom Cruise is a known heart breaker and is going to break your heart and you know it.

You see sometimes you have to make the right/hard decisions about a soul mate. If I may your list of what you look for in a man is ehh, for lack of a better word. Here's my word association game with your criteria and you tell me if I'm wrong.

Good smile. What about a bad smile?
Good strong hands. Like George Castanza?!
Interesting shoes. What about the foot?
He would need to be worldly. What about a homeboy?
Intelligent. Would more intelligent than you be ok?
Well-read. What about well- TV watched? Do you want him to talk to you all the time about things he has read?
Very decent. Isn't Ahmadinejad decent?

Not to mention what would be "your" definition of al of the above. You see I'd throw out all these criteria and replace it with just "having a good head on his shoulder".

For example, I think his employment is very important but how he deals with it is more important.

If he is unemployed but acting like a Qajar decendant, you'd want to cross him off your list. If he is unemployed but can communicate with you and paint a picture of a real future for you then he is a keeper. And so on.

Now about your question:

"Many women believe that regardless of their own looks, Iranian men are always looking for women a lot younger than themselves who are in very good physical shape and very pretty. Is that true?"

No that is not true. Generally speaking men want women younger or equal to themselves, like women do the same. As I said earlier and above response to Irandokht you can be "his princess" and be 50 but it depends on the guy.

If you choose Ahmadinejad he is not looking for a younger woman but Tom Cruise as we know is!

So in the end are you LOOKING in that group of men that most women ignore? As we say in Farsi open your basirat eyes and bring yourself to talk to that guy in the corner. The one on purse duty!

American Wife don't forget to get a picture of Majid's hands on Saturday! Make sure you get it from several angels!

Azarin Sadegh

Excellent hot scene!

by Azarin Sadegh on

Dear Nazy,

I have to congratulate you for writing such a wonderful sex scene! I know how hard is to keep the balance, as you have to pass enough details to your reader without giving away too much (so making the scene too kinky or cheap)!

Excellent job my dear!

About the moral of the story: It seems that their relationship has no depth, so I don't think Goli should feel cheated. She just needs to accept or to change her passive/traditional personality.

Personally, as a woman believing in the equality of men and women, I think - looking at the bright side of the story - they both should keep a good memory of that night (that they equally enjoyed) and nothing more!

Thank you so much for sharing these great short stories (each focused on one specific cultural conflict)!



I forgot to add this ...

by Souri on

My problem with this event, is not " why the date or the sex happened" but mostly the " aftermath"

I mean, the reaction of the guy. The coldness, the indifference or the distances he took with Goli, just right after the night they have  passed together.

Usually, people talk about that. Something happens. Some words are exchanged at least to let the other one know, how they are esteemed and respected, even though love is absent.

Sex is great, but at what price ? Is it worth to break a friendship, just for a one time experience ? 

Or we should believe that the guy has never had that respect for his friend ? so all that was a lie ?

This is the part which kill the girls usually, after they see their dreams are lost in the wind all together with their pride and their trust.


Nazy jan

by Souri on

I wish I had more time to invest in this interesting debate. Unfortunately despite my love and interest, I'm too tired tonight and have a little time, just to read all those intersting comments.

If I may, I think I can answer only one of your question :

"I don't understand why the same criteria might apply to middle-aged men who do not plan on having more children...."

I belive they choose a younger woman, only for bringing more joy and youth to their lives.

Mostly, men are too busy acheiving their personal and social goals when they are young. Arriving at 50, they have already achieved or (close to) it.

Then, they look around themselves and suddenly the realize their life is past without them having noticed it . They want their young hood back. They want to feel young again.

Having a young woman both in the bed and out, will satisfy their needs and " ehia kardan" their pride. Somehow, if they are rich and can satisfy that young woman's material needs, they can heel their past wounds,...all the things they couldn't do (for or with) the women when they were young men.

Ba sepaas, Shab shoma khosh.

and sorry for the mistakes, ...too tired :D)


Nazy jaan

by Feshangi on

My heart aches for Goli. She is going through so much pain.

Usually, women call men rats, no good SOBs, bastards, etc. when they hear stories like Goli's. But what they do not understand is that men and women are sexually so different. Sex for women, I have been told, is based on emotion and imagination and it so different to men's idea of sex which is based nearly totally on physical gratification and hunt instinct.

The man who slept with Goli enjoyed the sex as much as Goli did. He was as much involved as Goli was. But it seems to me that they were heading in two different directions and only crossed each other the night they did. For the man It was only a barkhord, a meeting of two bodies and sharing of physical attractions. But for Goli, it was so much more and deeper feelings. 

I can not believe the man wanted to hurt Goli in any way. He was nice and polite before the encounter and he was so in the subsequent meetings. 

When I think about it, I really believe that Goli should have been more open to him. She should have tried to make him understand that she had special feelings for him before agreeing to sleep with him. If she had done so, the results might have been very different.




"...crooks of necks, chests, and arms."

by Me Anonymously (not verified) on

How erotic and refreshing! For someone who had never written about these sentiments and scenes you have done a great job of conveying those sentiments and scenes. I was thoroughly in shock and awe. I wish I knew more about the man, but I understand you wrote this piece from the point of view of Goli. However my sentiment is with the man, for he is what I am not.

He seems, and let me know if I'm wrong, to be a special person, well educated, friendly, polite, committed to a worthy cause, and honest (“...but I'm not sure he's interested in me“). The man never lied about his intention ("He has never said or done anything,...not our first time out together.” He didn't fool her; he didn't force his will on her, or coerced her. He treated her well (subject to debate), and at the end he succeeded in getting what he was after, which was to be with her once. To expect him to lay it out there for her, or anyone else, to tell her in words that I want to have sex with you for one night is absolutely unreasonable. It's so unrealistic, unbelievably such a turn off, un-erotic, and hopelessly anticlimactic to convey such an intention. Think about how unsuccessful he would be in his quest if he did.

By the way, if he is anyone significant in the "No War On Iran" movement, I think there will definitely be a war on Iran :O)


Dear nazi

by KouroshS (not verified) on

I see that this discussion is heating up and i could not help but joining.
Surely, i can't answer those questions that you posed on behalf of ajab, but based on my own experience and what i have seen among friend and strangers, That is a little of both. When women pick looks over intellect or something more than just looks, It is a matter of being overwhelmed by their emotions, as we know, generally speaking women are more emotionally expressive that men, even if they do their best to deny it.
So, really, when they let their emotions take over, most of the time they end up with the wrong guy and it is not so inadvertant, since taking charge of their emotions is not that hard. And there really is no bad-guy out there who can hurt them, if those guys are not allowed and not put in such a position and be confronted with from day one, or at least week one.

You are so NOT guilty of holding intelligence and smarts and worldliness over looks, but when i hear you say that only a few physical attributes matter to you the most, With all due respect, i hear all women who have made the exact same statement, yet over course of the time , the went back on their words and totally turned in a different direction.

Of course that being a well-read,socially intelligent, well-mannered, well-rounded man is a major pluse, but when it really comes down to it, when you want to look into that proverbial crystall ball and into your long time future, would you not truly care about his lifestyle? or what he does, the kinda car he drives?

As for that question in the last paragraph, again appologies to ajab for cutting in, I think that the rumor is so true and yet so sad. in a way. guess there would be many reasons for that, even thoug i think it is absurd and totally uncalled for.

Thanks for the opportunity:)

American Wife


by American Wife on

If that WAS a general question for all women, I'd have to agree with Nazy.  Neither would be a candidate for me either.  Basically for the same reasons.  Don't care about the shoes, but good smile and good hands, absolutely.  I wonder why?  My man's hands are beautiful.  I love to look at them... to touch them.  If I could draw, I would draw them.  How weird.  I might have to admit that I like my husband being taller than me.  I'd probably feel uncomfortable if I was looking down.  As long as he was happy and takes pride in what he does, I'm cool with that.  A sense of humor is vital.  I'd like to think that I would have chosen my husband if he weren't good looking but who knows.  I do believe that love makes you a little blind to the imperfections. 

Nazy Kaviani

Dear Rajab:

by Nazy Kaviani on

Thanks so much for taking the trouble to write such a good comment! I am really learning here!

Are you asking me, Nazy, that last question or is it a general question? If it is a general question, you will have to be more specific about your meaning so that others can participate in a response. Are you suggesting that when women choose looks over intellect, they may have inadvertantly picked "a bad boy" who might hurt them? Are you suggesting that only "bad boys" (good-looking and conceited and heartless, I assume, right?) hurt women like that?

If your question is addressed to me, I will answer it honestly. Neither Ahmadinejad nor Tom Cruise need apply here! Both men lack the cerebral and intellelctual pull which would capture my interest. Never have I cared about a man's looks, height, and build. I don't care about most of his physical attributes with the exception of a good smile, good strong hands, and interesting shoes. You'd have to agree this makes it easy for almost anybody to qualify, at least initially! To make it even easier, the kind of car he drives and where he lives and what he does for a living (overall wealth index) matters none, either. But to make things a lot harder, he would need to be worldly, intelligent, well-read, and very decent. Now you see why neither Ahmadinejad nor Tom Cruise would fit the bill!

I think looks and shapes are overrated, but I guess where sex is what relationships are all about these days, talk of intelligence and decency is another old-fashioned thing I'm guilty of holding important.

Now let me ask you a question Rajab Jan. This is a question about what I hope is a fallacy circulating amongst Iranian women. Many women believe that regardless of their own looks, Iranian men are always looking for women a lot younger than themselves who are in very good physical shape and very pretty. Is that true? While I understand why a younger woman may be ideal for a younger man who wishes to have children and raise a family with that woman, I don't understand why the same criteria might apply to middle-aged men who do not plan on having more children. Thanks for provoking thought.

American Wife

well hell, girlfriend!

by American Wife on

Did you actually think that men LOOK for a woman who will comliment his needs with her own... a partner to share his feelings with...???  Azizam... they don't say that men are "visual" for nothing!!!

All joking aside.  It's not fair to automatically assume men are shallow because of this.  Sure, you will write that "sense of humor", "intelligence", "compatible moral fiber", "supportive" are the things that you're looking for in a man.  But come on... between us girls... are you saying that looks don't matter?  That satisfying sex doesn't matter?  That his financial status isn't an issue?

So... Ajab, I'm kinda sticking up here for you, assuming you didn't mean what you said as literally as it sounded.  But I need to hear you say it...lol.  The whole "bad boy" thing is a little overrated.  I think women today are looking for a little adventure and that bad boy seems to represent it.  We're not looking to get married and have babies by year one.  We want to have a little fun too!  Why do men get to go on weekend golfing trips with their buddies?  Me?  I want me and my home girl to have a weekend relaxing at the Spa and drinking Mimosa's all day.  Me?  I want that wicked grin that makes my knees weak.  That first thing in the morning kinda hoarse voice that SCREAMS sexy. 

Bad boy doesn't mean a scum bag.  I don't think any woman is really looking for that.  Women aren't that much diffferent.  We don't want someone that's too easy either.  Make me work a little for your attention.  It's fun!


WOW now I get it!

by IRANdokht on

Ajab Rajab you said:

Now let me make a categorical statement. I believe ALL men from ALL ages and walks of life ARE actually looking for a women who is their"type" and match well.

Now while that man is looking for that princess depending on his own personality he'll venture into adventure type of relationships. He may get bored waiting for the princess and will start settling down for an older queen or divorced pricess for the time being. Again as we say in Farsi keeping you in salt water!


OK!  so categorically, every man's match is "a princess". They only settle for an older queen (who might be only 4-5 yrs younger than themselves) or a divorced princess (even if the guy himself is divorced and so-called damaged goods)! 

Do guys even look for compatibility? Does every old geezer out there think they're mentally and emotionally compatible with only "princesses" no matter how old they are and how many failed relationships' baggages they're carrying?

The way I see it, the problem is that the ladies act as if they need these guys! They call them after a date, they show  interest in them and their well-being and they act as if they can't do any better. That's what I call clingy.

The reality is the guy's probably a "princess-seeking loser" and not worth the attention he's getting anyway, most likely misunderstands it and thinks too highly of himself (even higher than he did before) and thinks he really "deserves" his own princess.

Thanks for the insight.



"When the man fianlly gets

by Ajab Rajab (not verified) on

"When the man fianlly gets the girl who plays hard to get, he feels better about himself, doesn't he?"

Irandokht the answer is it depends on what your definition of the word "better" is is! First of all depending on the man, "getting" the girl is all that matters. Those who play hard to get or easy to get doesn't matter much as long as the girl "plays". The guy can always play more like an "expert" if he needs to.

Now about feeling better does an alchoholic feel better when he drinks? Same with the man. If he is a lying SOB he feels good. If he is not a lying SOB he is actually more concerened about what this is going to mean or something like WTF just happened here!

Nazy you say "Can't women be nice AND be treated well?" Sure they can. First you have to choose your guy and depending on who you've chosen you'll be treated accordingly.

Now let me make a categorical statement. I believe ALL men from ALL ages and walks of life ARE actually looking for a women who is their "type" and match well.

There can be a number of basis for men to choose their "desired" woman and I won't get into it. As we say in Farsi, every goat likes a different kind of grass ;-)

Now while that man is looking for that princess depending on his own personality he'll venture into adventure type of relationships. He may get bored waiting for the princess and will start settling down for an older queen or divorced pricess for the time being. Again as we say in Farsi keeping you in salt water!

Now it is up to the woman to choose carefully and use the link that I provided as choosing 101. If you choose your frog right he'll treat you right and you don't have to become a bitch or witch.

However, until you find someone who is looking for you, keep it real and don't fool yourself and don't be forgiving. It is not worth your time. Certainly don't give him a 2nd or 3rd or 8th chance.

If you must find the ugly duckling who is going to treat you well not the Tom Cruise who is going to dump you next chance he gets. I mean if you have to choose between Ahmadinejad and Tom Cruise as a partner in life who'd you choose?!

Nazy Kaviani

Dear All

by Nazy Kaviani on

Dear American Wife:

Thank you so much for your kind comment. Heeh! This was a hard one to write, as I was experimenting with conveying sentiments and scenes I had never written about before. If it touched you it must mean that I have not been a complete failure in conveying the story. Thanks again for your sincerity.

Dear Souri:

Thanks for your comment. The core of this story is not fiction. As I mentioned in the opening of the series, I am writing real stories about relationships. The stories are all sad, unfortunately, and the ones presented so far are all about "kissing all the wrong frogs!"

To answer your questions, my friend, Goli, knew this guy for one year before this happened between them. They had been out to dinners many times, but never on a "date." This one wasn't a "date," either.

Would these replies change your viewpoint? Please share your thoughts. Thank you.

Dear Rajab:

Boy, you're too hard on me and my galpals! Can't women be nice AND be treated well? Do we all have to turn into witches and conniving, merciless vamps to either find and keep the man or be able to say "to hell with him" when we lose him? I know your view is a more real and up-to-date one into relationships, but it is really really (really!) hard for me to accept that it is O.K. and should be expected that kindness and generosity and loyalty is not valued enough in a relationship to be reciprocated in kind.

You know, I hear more and more Iranian women say that they are separating their physical relationships with men from their emotional ones with them, "just like men do." Sleeping with them and moving on, expecting nothing other than sexual satisfaction, meeting up again when the urge strikes again, never expecting these particular relationships to go any farther or any deeper. As I have said before, though I have no problems with the part of this setup which has to do with people's overcoming their sexual inhibitions and hang-ups, I find the idea of getting dressed and going home and pretending like that guy or that woman doesn't really exist or that he or she means anything to us a little hard. Is that the part that some people consider "being clingy?" I don't understand that, for after all, Rajab Jan, doesn't everybody want to find just one person in their lives whom they want to love? Why is it all of a sudden such a sin for people to keep exploring and trying to find that person? Must everybody plan on remaining single and unattached, using the "free market" concept for sexual satisfaction and do away with any expectations of loyalty and respect and yes, LOVE, in a relationship? Since when did it become passe to work towards a loyal and dedicated and loving relationship?

I'll convey your advice to Goli. I will write back if she wants to respond further. Thanks so much for being a loyal commentator on these series.

0-0 Jan:

I don't think she said she didn't want or enjoy the sex. I think she was shocked to have become a one-night stand, because she thought there was more there in that relationship to explore. In other words, Goli wouldn't go to that same bar on that Friday night and go home with a perfect stranger whom she would never meet again. But this did happen to her with someone she knew, hence the devastation.

Dear Kourosh S:

Thanks for participating in the discussion. Do you have any non-Iranian girl/woman friends? Do you know that they cry, too, when they get dumped and ignored? I don't think this is a particularly Iranian trait, even though obviously Goli is Iranian and so am I. I think everyone hurts when rejected, even men, even Iranian men. I have seen that hurt too many times to discount it.

Dear IRANdokht:

Thank you for as usual thoughtful comment. Though I can process most of what you are saying on a cerebral level, on an emotional level I have a hard time with some of what you say. I think "being clingy" is a convenient label many men are using to intimidate and push out women AFTER they have pursued and enticed the same women into a more intimate relationship. I am yet to hear any of these men to have been completely upfront on their first date on this "take it or leave it" attitude which invariably emerges later. Most women would not go through with the relationship if they knew this little insignificant morsel of information about the guy, I believe. So I disagree with your concept about women's welcoming the challenge of "taming" the guy. Then again, what do I know? I'm just learning myself!

American Wife

well, i guess i'm a little naive then

by American Wife on

myself.  I fell for it hook, line and sinker.  I'm not suggesting he was a fault for anything.  His intention was clear, no doubt about it.  A good time WAS had by all.  Although I have to disagree that it was that great for her.  Sex with a new partner is never great the first time...lol.  It is ALL about the comfort level a woman has with her man.

It's hard to avoid the hurt feelings.  She had a thing for him way before this encounter. She was going to see something in his actions no matter what!  She was looking for validation of her feelings.  I don't know.... maybe I'm a little more old fashioned that I thought.  I'd be pretty upset if I was a one-night stand...lol.

Ajab... I second IRANdokht's explanation.  That sums it up pretty much.  But I don't see it as playing games.  I think this is purely human nature.  It's not like we get out the set of rules and follow specific guidelines.  It's about security (and the lack thereof), need (which is fine until it turns into neediness), desire (which is THE guidestick of any relationship) and respect (preferably for yourself first and your partner second).  If you're lucky, you get a good combination of all of these and voila... you're in love...;-)


Ajab Rajab

by IRANdokht on

I am not an expert, far from it actually, and personally I am not interested in "bad boys" but to me it seems like we always want what we can't have...  For the same reason a man is more interested in a girl who is less readily available, a woman is interested in a man who's not emotionally available.

It presents a challenge!

When the man fianlly gets the girl who plays hard to get, he feels better about himself, doesn't he?

A woman may prefer the bad boy because he seems less into her, and by taming this bad boy and making him fall in love with her, she will feel more secure about her own femininity. 

Like I said, I am not an expert and I do not like these games, but they're being played all over the world regardless of cultural differences. There is something universal about attraction:  the rare and out of reach seems always more interesting... (well.. until it's not out of reach anymore)

I don't think this guy in the story not calling her was because Goli is not good in bed or is fat or ... no! he didn't call because he proved to himself that he was attractive to her and that was satisfying enough. He just didn't want more...  (at least that's what I think)

About your last sentence: once women are emotionally attached, they are usually very forgiving. Even when lied to. It's all about the challenge these men represent too.




by Ajab Rajab (not verified) on

As a man let me ask you this. Why do women go after chumps they know are no good?

For example why are women attracted to "bad boy" image? If men are attracted to a "bad girl" it is clear what they want but women want "more"!

Some men are just bad and really don't care about a woman's feeling. If she was good in bed they'll keep their lying way longer to have more sexual encounters. If the sex wasn't that good they're off and no more calls.

Sometimes they don't even lie and tell the woman they are not interested in a committment.

Yet when a woman finds out that the man is a no good liar after the man tells her, she still keeps going back? Why do women forgive men?


great writing Nazy jan

by IRANdokht on

You nailed it (so to speak) ;-)  

I was with Goli all the way until she started panicking and making a big deal out of the encounter.

I don't mean to generalize here, but honestly, why do women become clingy? I understand that she probably thought his showing interest meant something more and probably deep, but isn't that unrealistic? We all know men are interested in getting physical and it doesn't really matter how deeply they care about the woman! it's no mystery, if they are given the right signals they will react accordingly, so why do we translate it into meaning something more and we set ourselves up for disappointment? Even if the man makes it clear that he cares, there are certain situations that a girl should actually doubt their sincerity and chalk it up as "heat of the moment" talk... 

The hurt feelings, the tears and the heartache are sad but they can be avoided if the ladies stop relying on their hearts to do the thinking.Then everyone would have a more mature way of dealing with relationships and even one-time encounters.

I really enjoyed reading this one, I hope the gentlemen share their thoughts about this situation and give the ladies a little hint and insight to male psyche!