The Pit of Despair

Satirical short film in the style of early French New Wave cinema

29-Oct-2007 (6 comments)


Hospitality kicks in first

An anatomy of an Iranian encounter

25-Oct-2007 (8 comments)
From all the heavenly images you get to see in Iranian functions such as their cars, houses, food, female companions and so on you hardly can picture them wondering around Wal-Mart store in their jeans. This can sometimes come as a shock. As soon as I saw him, I tried quickly to turn my shopping cart around and escape the situation by pretending that I’ve seen nothing. But when I was just ready to yank my cart to the left I saw his wife looking right into my eyes with a big smile on her face. >>>


بله برون

به فتحیه - به مناسبت چهلمین سالگرد ازدواجمان

22-Oct-2007 (17 comments)
همه چیز روبراه شده بود. فتحیه در پاسخ استفهامی كه از طریق آقای مؤمنی و مادر زنش، عمه‌ فتحیه فرستاده بودم به راحتی پاسخ مثبت داده بود. این برای من نامنتظره بود. آخر دو سال پیشتر او خواستگاری برادر بزرگترم را رد كرده بود. سال اول دانشكده‌اش بوده و گفته بود می‌خواهد درس بخواند. اكنون دو سال را ما مشتركا در دانشكده گذرانده بودیم. او فیزیك می‌خواند و من ریاضی. در سال اول، كلاس‌های‌ ما بیشتر مشترك>>>


مرد / زن / تنهایی

داستان کوتاه

06-Oct-2007 (2 comments)
هیچ وقت شکایت نمی کرد که آخر چقدر مهمان داری – خسته شدم – این چه زندگی یست. هیچوقت صداش درنیآمد. هیچ وقت نق نزد تا روزی که مریض شد. دیوانه شد. از آن به بعد، کارهای عجیب و غریب می کرد. یا ساکت می نشست و ساعت ها به دیوار نگاه می کرد یا جیغ می کشید و همه چیز را پرت می کرد، می زد می شکست. یا لباس هاش رو می کند و برهنه وسط اتاق می نشست. یا می خندید، می چرخید و می چرخید تا خسته بشود و خودش را رو زمین پرتاب می کرد. ولی هنوز نماز می خواند.>>>


Baretta with tourette syndrome

I don't even try to pretend to understand the dynamics of my parents' relationship

02-Oct-2007 (5 comments)
Having watched the two of them all my life, I can say without the slightest hesitation that my maman starts 95% of the argurements my parents have. My dad, being laid back like he is, will let her shout and carry-on until he has had enough. He is like a volcano in that way. She'll keep on pushing him and pushing him verbally, knowing full well just how he will react and he keeps smiling and letting her vent, all-the-while repressing his temper until he reaches a point where it EXPLODES! That's when she knows its time to drop the subject, but too late, he is just getting started.>>>


دو نيمه خوشبختی

لامذهب دقيقا می دانست چگونه دست به موهايم فرو ببرد كه نا خود آگاه لبانش را ببوسم

02-Oct-2007 (12 comments)
آنشب مسعود آمد. بوسه ای روی لبانم نشاند و گفت كه خسته است. می خواستم او را بر سر شوق بياورم. آهنگی شاد و ايرانی گذاشتم و شروع كردم به رقصيدن. حركات من او را هم به جنبش در آورد و مرا بوسيد و در گوشم زمزمه كرد: "دوستت دارم". لحظه دادن اين خبر خوش فرا رسيده بود. در حالی كه گردنش را می بوسيدم آرام گفتم: "مسعودم من و تو بچه دار میشيم. خدا كنه شبيه تو بشه".>>>


Sexual code of conduct

Iranian women are not the best lovers. Here is why.

17-Sep-2007 (34 comments)
Bluntly; in response to an Iranian female friend of mine, who the other night at length discussed her point of view on relationship, sexuality and intercourse without giving me a chance to breath I then promised to make my point clear by writing about it, even broadcasting it to a broad spectrum of audience perhaps to provoke a few “logical” feedbacks from our countrywomen. Ladies please put your emotions aside for a moment and read on. Let me start with my lady friend’s point of view about American (Western) women tendency to experiment with sexuality without considering rules of ethics, without framework of understanding and love, without a mental or emotional connection with someone >>>



I wondered why those endless images of death and ruin weren’t moving me the way they should

11-Sep-2007 (2 comments)
I clearly remember the moment I heard the news on the morning of Sept 11th 2001: I didn’t feel anything. It didn’t strike me at all. I could have heard “The stock market has crashed” or “There is shortage of flu vaccine,” and my reaction would have been the same. I couldn’t understand why Americans were shocked. Hadn’t they been warned by those angry men parading in the streets on the other side of the world--the part of the world from which I escaped? Hadn’t they heard over and over, the shouts of “Death to America?” Hadn’t they felt the heat of hatred burning from those grieving women draped in black chador, the heat so intense it turned to ash any illusions of peace?>>>


The art of getting some

Iranian men's guide to success with Western women

31-Aug-2007 (54 comments)
Let's start with one very very important thing, just like selling a product, when you are a man, you are sort of trying to sell your product on the market. You put yourself on some sort of a virtual (imaginary) shelf for women's picking/ viewing, so that some, or more, of them can fall for your offering. So, you kind of need to do what they call in marketing a SWOT analysis. SWOT goes for strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats (threats is less relevant though important if you consider the post-success period). I have done the SWOT analysis and reached some conclusions that you, the Iranian man, can take into consideration. STRENGTHS - what then: First, you need to analyse your specific situation, to see what is your strong point compared to the competition.>>>


Fidelity Ring

Wedding ring of the future

31-Aug-2007 (2 comments)
To All Women: If your husband is a man and has in his possession a fully functional penis, then he is genetically designed to cheat on you. It’s just a matter of when and not if. And if you don’t know this horrifying fact, you are either relatively naive or totally naïve. Women who don’t belong to either category are classified as simply gullible. The male character is formed by this retractable object. If this organ is not fully-grown a few times a day then the man attached to it is not capable of demonstrating a fully developed personality in his social interactions.>>>


Gholaam Flake

A man of no substance

His name is not Gholaam but he is a flunky type at times (nookar sefat)ˆ servant of his needs for women. One of my Turkish friends calls him "amjugh parast"! It is not necessarily a bad  thing except when you combine it with "being flaky" which can cause trouble for everybody around him. What do I mean? Well when it comes to women who provide him with what he needs or when he knows a new woman and wants to get into her pants, he does everything! Absolutely everything! What a lover, a servant, a friend, a father may do. >>>


خرد عشق ورزيدن

از مجنون تا فاشيسم

يکی از نام های شناخته شده در فرهنگ ما «مجنون» است؛ هم به عنوان نام ديگر «ابن قيس» ی که عاشق زنی به نام «ليلی» می شود و قصه ی عاشقی اش بر سر زبان ها می افتد، و هم به عنوان صفتی برای آن ها که عقل درستی ندارند. اين کلمه از عربی به فرهنگ ما آمده و در آن فرهنگ به معناي «جن زده» بکار می رود و به کسی نسبت داده می شود که حرکات عجيب و غريبی انجام دهد که با رفتارهای عادی مردمان زمانه اش همخوانی نداشته باشد. >>>


I will love once again

Courage is not to hide your wounds but show them as soldier wears his medals

21-Aug-2007 (5 comments)

Courage is not the absence of fear.

Courage is when you shake in your underwear and still face the melody.

Courage is being numb of pain and still not surrender.

Courage is to see the last light of your aura being drained and consumed by the invisible and faceless pain and still stand there and smile.

Courage is to never let them make you a victim. >>>


Dr. Baadazin

Disclaimer: Not representative of all Iranian gentlemen


I am going to call him Dr. Baadazin. Even his email address says When you ask him what kind of doctor he is he gets angry. He says once a lady whom he met online insisted to find out what his field of study is and he hung up on her. Well, I guess it is not something that makes or breaks a relationship, I agree. But it is tittering on the brink of false pretence. He says he is one of the five people in the world with this medical specialty so in all modesty he doesn’t want to “give himself away”. Vali khoda Google ro az ma nagireh. It acts like an instant lie detector



LET ME...know you azizam

He is the man I had always wanted and he knows it


Conquering Kamran was my all consuming desire. He asked whether I had a YAHOO id and soon we were sending IMs for eight hours or more at a time. We discussed life and the difficulties we had been through in life in general but also in our love lives. He also spoke about his upcoming book and how I would love the stories. It felt wonderful for a man to understand what I was talking about and it was easy to connect with him because we had both felt intense thoughts and emotions throughout our lives. This went on for so many hours and soon afterward he called me simply to hear my voice. He said, “I need to hear that sexy voice.” I responded, “How could you possibly know my voice was sexy.” He said, “Because I get so excited every time you IM me.” I was shocked and turned on.