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August 5, 2004Top

* Q is for Queer

I was just ready to recover from Bruce Bahamni's  funny film review that I had to put up with Qumars Bolourchian's hilariously written piece of political paranoia [W is for War].

Is it not fun to have so many comedic writers on the same issue of the Iranian? Q. Bolourchian (hereafter Q for brevity AND for Queer - as in strange!) has such an insight into the future that one wonders why his ESP has been ignored all these times. Using the predicting powers of his crystal ball, Q gives us a picture of things to come (in the event of Bush starting war with Iran):

" People will risk their lives for 'Esteghlal, Azadi, Jomhourye Eslami'."

And if you still remain unconvinced, Q's persuading power kicks in:

"And can you really blame them? Faced with the choice between being an Islamic Republic with limited rights and being an American colony ruled by Mariam Rajavi, which would you choose?"

Well, I don't know about you, but being a straight fellow, I find the idea of an American colony under Maryam Rajavi more titillating than that of a British colony under Khamenei! But Q keeps amazing us with his in-depth knowledge of secular politics [please hold onto something firm if you have a tendency to pass out):

" Some Iranian readers are undoubtedly too young and others were already out of the country, but the fact is that the Islamic republic didn't start out so "Islamic." Khomeini was an old man with many flaws. But from day one he stressed separation of religion and government which, by the way, is emphasized in traditional Shiite doctrine."

Jallal-khaalegh! Why didn't Q tell us all these before? Must you have waited for 25 years Q, to give us such great news? You see Q, in my ignorance, I never realised that when Khomeini ordered a referendum to vote 'yes' or 'no' to the ISLAMIC Republic he didn't mean it for the ISLAMIC Republic of Iran but for that of Iraq!! And I don't know how you count your day-1 but I count my day-1 from 15th khordad 1342 (4 June 1963) when Khomeini ordered his mob to set fire to government buildings and properties. Again, not being as smart as you are Q, it didn't occur to me that he had no intention of pulling down the government!! I thought because he was unhappy with the Shah's land reforms, and voting rights to women that he had incited people to violence. Yet, unlike you Q, I had no inkling that he kept politics and religion apart during those turbulent days!!!

And thank you Q, for sharing your knowledge of Shiite non-political doctrine with the rest of us. Before I read your enlightening passage above, I used to think that all those Shiite Imams (no. 1 to no. 11) who were killed (or vanished as in no. 12) by the rulers of their time, lost their lives over political disputes and rivalries. Now, thanks to your informative piece, I understand that all those killings had nothing to do with politics. They were probably due to minor differences of opinion over the cleansing rituals like the number of times one has to plunge into water after having a wet dream!

But Q's most mind boggling revelation is still to come:

" His [Khomeini's] original government was to have a non-religious president AND prime minister. Indeed the first elected governments post-revolution WERE non-religious. Look up Bani-Sadr and Rajai, the IRI's first two presidents. They were no Mullahs."

OK, Q so you conveniently dropped Khomeini's first appointed prime minister, Mehdi Bazargan, from your list. I presume it is impossible to pass his religious antics as non-religious. After all how could you count Bazargan who, in his student years in France, used to wake up the entire neighbourhood at sunrise by shouting Azaan from roof tops, as non-religious? But I must admit Q that I was equally shocked to find that Bani-Sadr and Rajai were non-religious. Was it not Bani-Sadr whose thesis (that he finished after 14 long years!) was entitled: Islamic Economy (Eghtesaad-e Touhidi)? Or, was it not the same Bani-Sadr who, in support of the need for Hejab, famously announced that women's hair was the source of sexually stimulating radiation and had to be covered? And was it not the same Rajai, who used to appear on the national TV and, in his position as the minister of education, tear up all those pages from the schools books that were deemed non-Islamic?

You see Q, I was beginning to accept, thanks to your remarkable reasoning (!!), that Khomeini was not interfering with government's affairs but you ruined your entire argument by suggesting that Bani-Sadr and Rajai were non-religious! You also forgot the Bani-Sadr's Speaker of the Parliament, was Beheshti and Rajai's prime minister was Bahonar - both mullahs.

I agree with you that you are not in the pay of the Islamic Republic. With all their deviousness, mullahs are clever enough not to waste their hard looted cash on someone as Queer as you Q. [See reply: "Intolerant intolerance"]



All past letters

By subject
August 2004

August 5, 2004

* Sekandar, Iran and Aryans
* Iran in Shahnameh
Shirin Ebadi
* Poll: Has he got a clue?
* Praising Islam?
* Az maast k-e bar maast
* Change is slow
* Failing each other

* Difficulty in perfection
Zahra Kazemi
* Change is slow
Asian Cup
* Shame on Team Melli!
* I'm Croatian and proud
* Palestinians wiped out?
* I won't vote for Torkzadeh
* Deterioration overdue
* Bush is not as bad?
* US clean house in Iran
* Q is for Queer
* Intolerant intolerance
* Follows logic
* What many believe
* No military action

* Is this Islam?
Homosexual language
* Orgasm or perish
* Silent opening

* Hillarious
* Laughing in Istanbul
* Glad
* NO substance
* You liberals

Nojeh coup
* It all disolved
* Liberation from within
* Military intervention
* 'Liberate' Iran's billions

* Guatemala impressions
Sex trade
* Rajavi supporter or not
Radio Farda
* Give me the job!
Farah Pahlavi
* Horrible role model
* How dare you?
* Photocopygenic
Persian lesson
* Words we hear a lot
* Soopoor or "superintendent"

* Logical advice
Vultarity, Profanity
* Deserve worse, but
* Tone of langauage

* Ojoobeha
* Like Kurdistan's rivers
* Attacking our baby
* Freedom of choice

* Ojoobeha
* Plastic foreingers
* Iranian in Madrid?
* "REAL" Javid?

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>>> All past letters


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